


when the heart needs, the soul calls for home

by nicolorenaldigenovia



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, BAMF Andromache, BAMF Quynh | Noriko, Brothers, Caretaking, Dr Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Family Angst, Family Feels, Family Fluff, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Found Family, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova are in Love, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani is an Incurable Romantic, M/M, Meet the Family, Mutual Pining, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Needs a Hug, Nightmares, Old Friends, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Professor Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Protective Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Protective Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Protective Quynh, Sick Character, Soft Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Soft Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicolorenaldigenovia/pseuds/nicolorenaldigenovia
Summary: “Are you alright?” Nicky continues, and it’s abrupt, forced, and Lykon grips the phone tighter.“Yes, I am—Nicky—”“Well, I’m glad we got that clear. I’m happy you’re well. Please talk to Quynh,” Nicky says, and then he’s just hanging up, and yeah, Lykon screwed up.Nicky and Quynh have every right to be pissed at him.“Lykon?”He looks up and blinks when he finds Andy and Joe, already ready to leave, Lykon’s own jacket in Joe’s hand. Lykon shakes his head then and smiles, taking the jacket from Joe.Andy raises an eyebrow then, while Joe waves his hand, motioning aimlessly.“Are we sharing, Lykon? Who was that?” he asks, and Lykon sighs.***or the mutual-pining story between the most important people in Lykon’s life, because he dealt with the pain of missing Andy and Joe by never talking about them with his best friends Quynh and Nicky, and vice-versa. not in the last 10 years.then Andy and Joe come back home and they all meet for the first time. so what do you do, when someone you love very much keeps you in the dark from others he holds dear? how are you meant to feel?on top of possibly, maybe, falling in love?
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 168
Kudos: 261





	1. by my own doing, it begins like this

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another chaptered work. This one is for my dear Lyra, who asked for "a modern day au where nicky & quynh and joe & andy are best friends and they meet because lykon introduces them to each other and the MUTUAL GAY PINING starts."
> 
> To say the least, I take the prompt and I run with it. I hope you enjoy it, Lyra!
> 
> The number of chapters may change, since I'm constantly revisiting divisions.

Lykon loves his friends.

Even if they are being idiots. Morons. Whatever he calls them at that moment in time, it doesn’t matter, but he apparently collects them.

Actually, it’s just a pair of pairs, but whatever. The most important thing is that he _loves_ them. Adores them, really. Despite everything he might feel or hold for them. Because it begins and ends with love. And right now, he’s just with the first pair.

And if anyone were to _ever_ call any of them names like he just did, then they’d have Lykon to deal with. Only he gets to say such things. Not even said idiots and morons can call themselves such words.

Even if, sometimes, they are truly acting like the very definition of the word.

“Quynh, please get off the counter,” Nicky hisses.

“No, and you cannot make me,” Quynh bites out, arms crossed, glaring as she _stands_ on the counter. She has one foot on Nicky’s shoulder, pushing him away, because she’s the epitome of balance. And Nicky just sighs, glaring back, rubbing at his temple. Then he turns to Lykon, as soon as he walks through the doorway. His eyes flicker for a moment, and then his shoulders visibly relax.

“Please tell her to get off the counter. I don’t want her to fall,” Nicky says, already walking towards the living room just as Quynh spots Lykon, and the bags he’s holding, full of dinner.

“Finally!” Quynh yells, with one leg still lifted and Lykon gives her a smile, putting his finger against his lips as he walks over. He waits until she sits on the counter and wraps an arm around Quynh’s waist and lifts, just pulling her in a position familiar to them both: her legs wrapped around his waist as she clings on his shoulders while Lykon just walks around.

“Quiet time, Q,” Lykon whispers, walking them over to the living room, and Quynh sighs, getting off as soon as he gets to the couch, where Nicky’s already laying with a pillow on his face.

“I got on the counter because he wanted to make dinner. He wouldn’t listen to me when I said you’re already on your way,” she says, walking over to Nicky and she’s sliding beside him, fitting her tiny frame along his easily, the man moving with practiced ease and comfort.

“You had a late night,” Nicky mutters against Quynh’s hair as he moves the pillow. Lykon smiles, taking the food from its bags and laying it carefully on the coffee table. “You coming over after that didn’t make sense…”

“Got a call from Quynh saying you didn’t feel well,” Lykon hums, and Nicky opens his eyes then, and it’s clear that he’s in pain. Probably another headache. He gets too much of those ever since they’ve met.

“Air pressure?” Lykon asks, and Nicky nods. It’s always his reason. That or he needs quiet time.

“The weather hates me,” he mutters, tapping Quynh at the waist to get her to sit up, her hands going up to her hair so she can put it in a messy bun, away from her face.

“I will stab the weather, Nicky. Just for you,” Quynh says, and Nicky smiles, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

“Thank you, darling.”

Lykon can’t help but smile at these. They’re such idiots.

“Just eat, lovelies,” Lykon says instead, because that is who they are, and he’s met with twin smiles and on-sync nods.

“Love you, Lykon,” they say in unison, and he can’t help but smile.

“Love you too.”

***

Lykon met Quynh and Nicky in university. Second year. Exam week.

First-year Nicky had been a walking zombie after pulling an all-nighter and tripped over third-year Quynh who decided that she was going to be a burrito blanket on the middle of the study hall floor.

And Lykon had been attentive enough, thankfully, to catch him.

Especially since Quynh’s idea of trying to catch the man was wrapping both her arms around Nicky’s legs and effectively rendering him immobile, which completely sent him and Lykon to the floor.

It took a moment, and Lykon could still remember the wide-eyed, frankly terrifying look in Nicky’s eyes before the man just snorted and burst out laughing, which just made Quynh burst into her own set of giggles.

It’s when he started laughing himself a moment later did their friendship start. He’s nearly thirty years old now.

And it’s still one of the best accidents Lykon’s ever been in his life.

For Nicky, with his soulful eyes and caring soul, took Lykon in like he knew Lykon needed a friend as much as he did at the time. He had just seen the people he loved most dearly leave that year, as they seek to learn the world, and change it for the better. And while he was proud, he felt so incredibly lonely. Nicky too, had left a life that has remained solely in the past, and Quynh took one look at them, and took them in as her own.

And when Quynh has your back, everyone knows it. It didn’t take long for them to find that out for themselves.

All because of that one little accident, Lykon had been able to cope with a loss he refused to think about. For they filled a part that’s missing and then became so much more. They learned of each other quickly, and while Quynh was quick to share her life with them, as she is quick on everything, Nicky had held quiet. Quiet and under the surface, and they fit well. Both of them.

They bettered an ache in his heart, and since he met them, he’d been able to keep afloat, and not crave for anything, or _anyone_ , else.

***

Lykon’s beloved second pair of morons drift in and out of his life whenever they please since they met in the proverbial sandbox

Except this time, they’re promising to stay, after showing up in his apartment in the middle of the night on a random Wednesday.

Who the hell comes over on a _Wednesday_?

“What?” Lykon asks dumbly. He knows himself and he accepts himself and he knows he looks dumb right now, looking at his friends as they have shit-eating grins on their faces.

Morons. The both of them. Seriously. And yet he loves them. He loves them so much.

Even if they are the source of the ache that the idiots had bettered.

“Aw, Joe look he missed us that much!” Andy coos, and Lykon doesn’t even mind, walking over to Andy and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hush you,” he mutters, and she laughs.

“Watch your back,” she mutters, and Lykon just smiles at her.

“That’s your job, Andromache,” he says, and gets a kiss on the cheek for his troubles.

He looks over to Joe then, who grins, walking over from the kitchen in Lykon’s own apartment to bring over some coffee. The _best_ coffee.

“You found the ibrik,” he says with a smile, and Joe just meets it with his own, forever iridescent one. Because Joe’s like the sun, no matter how old they get.

“You left it _exactly_ where I last put it!” Joe says with a smile, carefully serving them both, Andy sighing happily at the sight of the coffee.

Lykon shakes his head, giving her a look. “Does Joe not make you coffee when you’re galivanting around the world together?” he asks, and Andy just snorts, taking a hearty sip, smiling.

“Coffee in this ibrik is different,” Joe says, just as he finishes his first sip as well, Lykon finally taking his own.

It tastes amazing, like always. He hasn’t had coffee like this when Joe last made it in his home, which feels so long ago.

“I’m sure you’ve had better coffees in your travels,” he says, taking another sip. Joe just shakes his head as Andy puts down her cup, crossing her legs with a smile.

“Nothing hits like this one,” Joe says to hum, and Lykon tilts his head. Andy just meets his gaze.

“This one tastes like home.”

Lykon blinks.

Home.

The ibrik in his apartment taste like home. The ibrik that he keeps after receiving it as a gift from Joe’s parents when Lykon went away for university. A year later, Joe chose a path and Andy went with him. Then they took off together and conquered the world. Helped it. Saved it, he’s convinced.

And they always come back fulfilled and happy. With a new skill. A new quirk. More lives saved with their knowledge. A handful more smiles created with their kindness. And as they got older, the swath of time in which they get to come home before they leave again got shorter and less frequent. Because people needed them.

They’re the people to have on your side, at a time of crises. Lykon hasn’t been able to keep track of their credentials for quite some time, but he knows for a fact that they’ve both had been able to save people from dying. Joe’s is clear for everyone to see. Andy just smiles and gives you a shrug, and gets the job done.

“Home,” he whispers, after a moment, before gulping, looking at Joe and then at Andy. “You’re staying…home?” Lykon mutters, trying to keep the hope that’s just _bursting_ from his chest.

Joe shifts closer to him on the couch now and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Gonna need your help getting my things out of storage,” he says simply, and Andy grins.

“Might need to break into a government facility to get something of mine,” she says, and Lykon’s eyes widen.

“Tell me she’s joking,” he breathes out, and Joe just laughs, throwing his head back.

“She is!” he says. “But there was this one time…” he starts, and Lykon glances at Andy who winks at him, and yeah. Yeah.

He missed them so much. He’s glad that they’re finally taking rest. And Lykon’s so glad that they’re finally home.

***

Lykon’s earliest memory of Andromache was when she came into his room and demanded they play swords. And they did. He was three, and Andy was six.

Andy’s tells him her earliest memory of him was when he was only one and she was four. And Lykon trusts that to be the truth.

Yusuf was born when Lykon was four years old, and they loved him very, very much, even though he didn’t get to play right away. And when he did, Yusuf clung his chubby arms around his neck, and bounced and giggled and laughed like a bright tiny sun, and rode on Lykon’s back while they followed Andy into new adventures. Together, they fought dragons and evil men who didn’t know better.

Lykon held Yusuf close and taught him how to watch Andy’s back from that early on, and in turn, Andy watched theirs, because she always protected them.

They grew up together and were practically inseparable since their families were very close. Then Lykon decided to continue his studies in university. Andy had already been done, and Yusuf slowly became Joe, and around the same time, he made the decision to do his studies as well, but in a different away.

Joe wanted to do it traveling the world. He wanted to save people in places that need his help.

His parents said no, but then Andy took him anyway.

And Lykon stayed behind, convinced Joe’s parents that their son was _fine,_ and loved and supported his friends throughout. He protected them from afar, defended them from people who thought they knew them, when none of them did. Even after they kept traveling way after Joe finished his studies, Lykon continued to love them, even if at times he felt anger.

Felt that deep ache in his chest, and he buried it away. He did not allow himself anger.

Because they _shared_ what they learned to the rest of the world, and bettered the paths of everyone they met. And Lykon was so proud of them, no matter how much he missed them. And because he knew one day, they’ll come home and stay home, and he’ll get them back. Someday. And he focused on that, hid everything else, and just focused on _that_. On the someday. On the promise.

And eventually, they did come home.

***

A week and a half after both Joe and Andy are settled in their respective apartments, because apparently, they’ve reached their thresholds when it came to living with each other, Lykon gets a call.

“Have we done something to offend you?” Nicky says as a form of saying ‘hello,’ while Lykon’s on Joe’s couch, Andy’s head on his lap, because this is apparently the definition of “tired of living together.”

“Lykon?” he hears again and he blinks, biting his lip. “Sorry Nicky,” he answers, immediately and is met with silence. “Nicky?”

“Was it me?” he hears, after a moment, and Nicky’s voice is considerably softer, shaky. “Surely not Quynh. That’d upset her very much—just I…can you come see Quynh? I’ll leave, if it’s me and I—” And Lykon sits up then, because woah.

Woah. What?

“Nicky, stop, stop,” he says, sitting up now, and effectively nudging Andy from her spot. She frowns, sitting up easily. Joe comes out of the bedroom then, obviously having heard him, and they’re both looking at him worried.

  
Maybe because he is, because _what the fuck_?

“Nicky, where are you?” he asks, voice soft.

“At home.” That’d make sense. It’s Sunday morning.

“And Quynh?” he continues, and there’s a pause. “Nicky? Where’s Quynh?”

“Muay Thai.”

Lykon sighs. He screwed up. He knows he did.

“Shit okay. She’s done in an hour?” he asks, and Nicky snorts.

“She booked two classes,” he mutters and Lykon just knows he is rolling his eyes. He hears the door opening on Nicky’s end, and he sighs.

“Alright, I’ll pick her up. Are you leaving the house just now?” he says with a frown and stands from the couch now, making Andy stand with him, and she looks so confused, and Joe’s grabbing his jacket already.

“Getting mail,” Nicky says, voice soft, like he’s whispering. Then there’s another pause. “Lykon. Were you truly just busy?” he asks, and he hates the soft tones, like he’s unsure. Nicky never should be unsure with him. Ever.

“I promise, Nicolò,” he says. “Something came up, and I dove into it and I didn’t emerge until today,” he explains because it’s true. That’s what happened. Andy and Joe are home, and they’re here to stay and Lykon had missed them _so_ much, so he wanted to spend as much as time with them. Maybe a part of him still believes that they’ll leave, because he still doesn’t believe that they’re truly here to stay. And like every other time, it had just been him and them and no one else.

His heart drops then, realization hitting in that slow, terrifying away that makes your heart start to beat faster.

Nicky hums then and sighs. “Something…came up,” he says, soft and tired, and Lykon gulps.

“Nicolò—” he starts, hearing the door open and close on the other line.

“Are you alright?” Nicky continues, and it’s abrupt, forced, and Lykon grips the phone tighter. Of course he’s worried. Lykon disappeared for a week and a half.

“Yes, I am—Nicky—”

“Well, I’m glad we got that clear. I’m happy you’re well. Please talk to Quynh,” Nicky says, and then he’s just hanging up, and yeah, Lykon screwed up.

Nicky and Quynh have every right to be pissed at him.

“Lykon?”

He looks up and blinks when he finds Andy and Joe, already ready to leave, Lykon’s own jacket in Joe’s hand. Lykon shakes his head then and smiles, taking the jacket from Joe.

“Thanks,” he says, pocketing his phone. Then he looks up, rubbing the back of his neck.

Andy raises an eyebrow then, while Joe motions waves his hand, motioning aimlessly.

“Are we sharing, Lykon? Who was that?” he asks, and Lykon sighs, as everything collides, while clicking in place at the same time.

Maybe there’s a reason why his favourite people are a pair of idiots and morons that he holds very dearly to his own heart.

Because he is a dumbass himself, a full ten years in the making.


	2. to become aware of each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Andy has the decency enough to stop laughing, eventually. But she’s still shaking her head. “There are so many factors that need to be addressed. One, how we’ve never heard of them and you’ve known them for ten years,” she starts, and Joe makes a noise at the back, which is definitely agreement._
> 
> _“Exactly.”_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your words so far! I hope you enjoy this next one!

“Oh, Lykon, you lovable dummy,” Joe says, from the back of the car while Andy just cackles while driving.

“It’s not funny…” he mutters, tapping Andy’s arm, and nodding. “Left here, two blocks. It’s on the right. You’ll see it.”

Andy has the decency enough to stop laughing, eventually. But she’s still shaking her head. “There are so many factors that need to be addressed. One, how we’ve never heard of them and you’ve known them for ten years,” she starts, and Joe makes a noise at the back, which is definitely agreement.

“Exactly.”

“And the fact that you haven’t told them about _us_!” Andy adds, and Joe kicks Lykon’s seat then, and he looks up at the rear-view mirror to find Joe holding his heart, looking properly heartbroken, and Lykon’s not sure if he’s joking.

“That hurts, you know,” Joe says, and Andy clears her throat then, eyes ahead. Lykon stares at her for a moment, and then at Joe’s face and he slumps.

“I’m sorry,” he gets out, after a moment. What does he say? That thinking of Joe and Andy hurts because he just misses them when he does, and he felt left behind and never wanted to admit it? That he didn’t want to give himself a chance to have the ache grow at the thought of them, because telling people about them meant missing them out loud and meant letting the bitterness sink in? How he didn’t want that to equate to his brother and sister? And he didn’t want Quynh or Nicky to ever feel bad for him over something that they can’t control? Or for them to be mad at Joe or Andy?

“Tell the truth, Lykon, please,” Andy says, eyes still ahead, and it’s been so long since, but Andy still has that affect on him.

“It hurt, to talk about the two of you. So, I never did,” he mutters, in the words that he can come up with, in the only way that he’s willing to get out, at that moment. He looks at Andy, who nods once, and then at Joe, through the mirror.

Joe meets his gaze and gives him a weak, sad smile. “We know, Lykon. I’ll eventually understand,” he says, and it’s so Joe.

Incredibly honest in terms of what he’s feeling. He’ll eventually understand because now he doesn’t, he’s not all there just yet, and he’s hurt, and Lykon can’t blame him.

“Andromache?” he whispers then, and Andy just sighs.

“They were here when we were not. I just wish we knew about them. Did you hide us away for any other reason?” she asks, ever straightforward.

“What other reason is there?” Lykon asks, because he doesn’t understand. He knows he just hurt to talk about them, his sister and brother that left his life for the length of years he’s known Nicky and Quynh. He only saw them for so little throughout, if at all, but that’s it.

Andy doesn’t continue, so Lykon cautions a glance over the mirror and see Joe staring at him, and his eyes are glassy.

“Joe?” he whispers, and the man gulps, looking out the window.

“Anger maybe?” Joe eventually gets out, and of course he hits it, somewhat. “For leaving you behind for ten years,” he states, and Lykon’s breath hitches, and he looks down. But he can’t form the words right now. Not yet.

He feels a hand on his shoulder just as the car stops, and Joe’s leaning forward, both of his hands on his shoulders now.

“We’re sorry,” Joe whispers, and Andy’s hand is on his knee, squeezing. Lykon gulps then, and looks at them both.

“I know.” Because he does know, and he’ll eventually get over it. Now that they’re home.

“Andromache,” Joe whispers, and Lykon turns to Andy then, who’s staring at him. One of Joe’s hand moves to settle on Andy’s shoulder as she looks away, deep in thought.

“Andy,” Joe says, voice almost impossibly soft, and the woman just sighs, shaking her head. Then she turns fully to Lykon, going as turning her full body to do so.

“Are they good to you?” he asks, and Lykon thinks of Nicky and he thinks of Quynh and yes. Of course.

“Immensely so,” he says, without hesitation and Andy smiles, and it doesn’t reach her eyes. Joe’s hand grips his shoulder for a moment before it goes away completely, and Lykon feels at a lost. But Andy’s exiting the car, and shutting the door behind her, and Joe’s doing the same.

“Yusuf,” he starts, and the man pauses, smiling at him. His eyes are wide, and glassy, but he’s still trying to smile, and make Lykon feel better. Like he’s always done. Even now, Joe is still trying so hard, when it’s clear that he’s struggling, after being home for the first time in a long time.

Only to come home to this.

“Let us meet the good ones, Lykon,” Joe whispers, and it sounds like he’s begging, and Lykon hates it so much.

“Joe, what—” he starts, but Joe’s just shaking his head, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder again, and Lykon can feel how it shakes against his shoulder, and _fuck_.

“Let’s get your friends, Lykon,” Joe says simply, before exiting the car, and Lykon knows he’s screwed up, and them all in more ways the one, because he couldn’t bring himself to get the words out, to feel, to be honest with himself.

***

Andy went straight into the gym as soon as she got out of the car.

By the time Joe and Lykon entered, Andy’s already at the front desk, talking to whoever’s behind it, and she looks to be signing up, because of course she is.

“Is this a good place?” Joe asks, also walking over to where all the flyers are laid out. He looks like he belongs in the gym, even with his leather jacket and combat boots.

“It’s a Muay Thai school,” Lykon replies with a shrug. “I go with Quynh sometimes, but this is her spot. She trains and teaches here when she’s got time or energy to spare,” he says, looking around for his friend as he does, grinning when he spots her. And as soon as he does, it seems like she does as well, because Quynh’s running over, and jumping into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and he catches her with ease, yelping.

“Ugh, you are _drenched_ , Q!” Lykon yells, and the woman just throws her head back in laughter, before she brings her fist down atop of his head and bonks it lightly.

And he knows it could’ve been _so much_ worst for him because he’s been on the other side of Quynh’s fists before, partnering with her at this very building.

“And _you_ disappeared! A week and a half? I’m busy! Sorry! Let’s re-schedule!?” Quynh says, pulling away but not getting off him, so Lykon just keeps holding her, looking up at her.

“I screwed up,” he mutters honestly, and Quynh stares for a moment, before sighing, looking down and getting off him.

“Did we do something to upset you?” she asks, and she sounds small, and Quynh _never_ sounds small.

“Of course not!” he exclaims, and Quynh’s glaring now, looking incredibly angry. And he understands it. Because what he did was out of the ordinary. Ever since meeting, they’ve been essentially attached to the hip. And on the days that he had left, it’d be for a day or two, or he wouldn’t just brush it off as “busy.”

But he did, and because both Nicky and Quynh can be so intuitive, he’s sure that every time he had cancelled, they could tell there had been something else that he was doing. But at the time…he had been focused on something else. On Andy and Joe. Because they were _home_.

“So why? You worried Nicky! He thought you just—” she yells, and she’s growling just a little. “Lykon, Nicky, he thought he did something wrong, and he—”

“Family came home unexpectedly.”

Lykon freezes and he turns to see Joe standing behind him now, looking at Quynh with a small smile. “We were selfish, and missed our brother, and we got caught in it. We’re sorry for worrying you and your friend,” he says and he sounds so gentle and sweet and sincere that it throws Quynh off.

His friend blinks, and her shoulders relax a little, but she remains frowning. “Family?” she asks, her eyes flicking to the side, and Lykon follows her gaze to see Andy standing beside him, staring at Quynh, and not saying a word. Then Quynh turns back to him.

“Lykon, family?” she asks, and Lykon nods, and he hopes his guilt is showing on his face because he doesn’t know where to begin.

“Yes. This is Joe and Andy,” he whispers. “My brother and sister,” he adds, and Quynh’s eyes flashes with so many emotions then. She looks like she wants to yell, but then her eyes turn glassy, for a moment. And then she blinks.

“This is pretty shitty, Lykon,” she mutters out, and Andy snort, and Lykon turns just in time to see her side-eye him, rolling her eyes, but with a smile on her face. A little one, that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and it does very little to make him feel better.

“It is. Forgive him, he’s a dumbass,” Andy mutters, sighing. “It went both ways, he didn’t tell us about you or Nicky either,” she continues and Lykon deserves it. He’s also somewhat thankful, because he doesn’t even know how he would’ve gotten it out.

Quynh’s eyes flash again and she gulps, shaking her head. “Really _fucking_ shitty, Lykon,” she says, before her eyes go to the clock on the wall and she swears, pointing at him now.

“We’re talking about this. All of us. I have to get to my class,” she says, before turning to all the folks already on their spots, obviously waiting for her.

“Warm up, guys, please,” she says, raising her voice, but it’s definitely a lot kinder than her previous tone with Lykon. When she turns back, she’s glaring at Lykon again, and Andy smirks, stepping forward.

“May I join?” she asks, and Quynh doesn’t even blink. She gives Andy a good once over, then stares at her face for a second. Then she’s nodding to the change room, and Andy gives her a smirk. Because Quynh is a master of this skill and knows prowess when she sees it.

“Grey bag, atop the locker. I got extra pair of shorts, and wraps. You can borrow gloves,” she says, already turning away. “And you partner with me!” she yells, and Andy grins, kicking off her shoes and getting on the mat. She makes her way to the bathroom, but stops, putting her hand on Quynh’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Andy whispers, voice soft, and Quynh looks up at her, before nodding.

“You’re welcome,” she says, and she already sounds calmer. Good for Lykon, bad for her students.

Joe steps forward then, and puts an arm around Lykon’s shoulder, squeezing just enough when Quynh turns to them again, as Andy lets go, walking backwards to the bathroom.

“Check on Nicky!” Quynh orders, and Lykon nods. Andy gives him a thumbs up, tossing the car keys to Joe, who catches it expertly.

“Take the car. Then come get us after. We’ll go to lunch, something!” she says, before disappearing through the door. And Lykon swears she skipped the rest of the way there.

Quynh nods, walking to the front of the class. “Nicky gets to pick!” she yells, and Joe laughs.

“As you wish, Quynh,” he calls back, and Quynh grins then, and she gives Joe a proper smile, before pointing at Lykon.

“Check on Nicky. I love you,” she says, and Lykon takes a deep breath then.

“Love you too, Q,” he says, and lets Joe tug him away, the man wishing Quynh a good class just before they exit. Because everything is happening so fast, and Lykon can’t keep up.

“Let’s go check on Nicky, huh?” Joe says, leading him to the car, and kissing his forehead.

“Okay,” Lykon mutters, sighing softly as he gets into the driver’s seat this time, grabbing the keys from Joe. The man just smiles at him and squeezes his knee. And he doesn’t deserve it. He really doesn’t.

“You know we love you too, right? Both Andy and myself? Just like Quynh does?” Joe says, and his voice is soft, careful, and Lykon sniffles, smiling.

“Even when I’m a shitty dumbass?” he asks, because he knows he’s done something that can be considered too terrible for others to forgive. Keeping the two most important aspects of his life from each other, because he feels some type of way about being left behind? Because it hurt? For ten years? And in doing so hurt all of them.

And Joe, this man, his kind brother with the biggest of hearts, just laughs, squeezing his knee.

“More so when you are.”

And Lykon feels like he doesn’t deserve such love, but is so, so glad that it’s extended to him anyways.

***

“Is Nicky ill?” Joe asks, just as they get to the door, voice soft. “Quynh seems very worried of him.”

“Nicky works hard,” Lykon replies, frowning a little. “He works at the university. And he looks after us. And sometimes he…over does it,” he mutters, and Joe just stares at him. Like he heard something in his voice.

Because there are moments, lately, that he’s unsure, but it’s hard to get a read on Nicky, even after all these years. He keeps things close, keeps them with him until it’s pried out of him, or it bursts through at the seams. When he had been open, once, it’s to ask Quynh and Lykon to never ask about his life before them. And it was years ago now, and it broke his heart, seeing Nicky so vulnerable, but trusting. Even in his secrets, he trusted them.

“It’s only fair,” Nicky had said then, and when they hugged him, it felt like he was holding them. Nicky always held them like they were going to fade one day, and it’s always been that way. And Lykon knows, that it’s one of the reasons they understand each other so deeply.

The memory makes the regret Lykon feels about disappearing on Nicky and Quynh rip in his chest.

“He takes care of you guys,” Joe mutters, and Lykon smiles a little, nodding weakly.

Yeah, Nicky takes care of them. “He’s afraid to lose us, I think,” he says, biting his lip. “I get what that’s like.”

Joe makes a soft noise then, but nothing else, standing behind him now.

When he opens the door, Joe continues to stays put on the mat even as he walks in, and he sighs.

“Joe don’t be ridiculous,” Lykon says as he walks down the hall, watching as Joe just shakes his head, staying put by the door. Because Joe is being _Joe_.

“It’s imposing and inappropriate, Lykon,” Joe starts, ever his Mama and Baba’s son. Memories of a tiny Yusuf refusing to come inside their homes until he’s welcomed personally comes to mind, and it’s almost absurd that he had ever been so little in the first place.

But then Lykon watches as he blinks, frowning. Then like he didn’t say what he did just now, Joe’s moving past Lykon, his movements quick, and he can’t help but feel like he’s missing something.

Then he hears it, and Lykon turns towards the bathroom as well, going ahead of Joe and twisting the knob, pushing it open.

Nicky’s on his knees, hugging the toilet, his whole body heaving as he throws up. And when he finishes, his whole body curls up, and a sob escapes him, his hands going up his head, fingers gripping at his hair.

And Joe pushes pass Lykon then, and suddenly, his brother is _on_.

“Lykon turn off the lights and get over here. Keep the door open so we can see,” Joe hisses, and he’s keeping his voice low as he gets beside Nicky, hand already on his wrist.

As soon as they touch, Nicky’s head snaps up and his eyes are wide and crazed, turning his head wildly.

“W-Who are you? Where’s Quynh—” he gasps, pushing at Joe immediately, hard enough that Joe loses his balance.

“Why are you in our home?! Where’s Quynh?!” Nicky yells, and he looks equal parts terrified and terrifying, and Lykon scrambles forward, putting his hands Nicky’s shoulders as he gets in between him and Joe, who’s just staring at Nicky, lips in a thin line, eyebrows furrowed.

Because this is another side of Nicky. Or maybe the same side. The one that cares. The one that protects. It’s been such a long time since Lykon has seen him like this. About him. About Quynh.

“Nicky! Hey! You’re alright, it’s alright,” Lykon calls, grabbing Nicky’s hands and gulping when the man flinches, staring at him with wide, scared eyes.

“W—Who is this man, L—Lykon? Why is he in our home? Where’s Quynh, where—” he starts, turning his head sharply each time, before he moans, pulling his hands from Lykon’s hands forcefully to clutch on his head, bowing it with a whimper.

Joe’s sitting up then, and his hands are hovering over Nicky’s hands, but not touching.

“My name’s Joe,” he starts, voice soft. “Lykon’s family. He’s my brother,” he continues. “I’m a paramedic, I can help you. Please, let me? You’re safe. Quynh’s safe. She’s still at her class.”

Paramedic. Joe’s not just a paramedic. Not really, but he guesses it’s close enough. All he knows is that this is one of the things he’s good at. Comforting people. Saving them. That, Lykon is sure of.

“Y—You saw her,” Nicky whispers, head still bowed, and Joe turns to Lykon sharply then, nodding to Nicky.

“Yes. Quynh is fine. She’s fine, alright?” Lykon whispers. “She’s running her class. Please let Joe help you,” he begs, because he’s never seen Nicky like this. He watches as Nicky’s shoulders slump and he nods, minutely after a moment.

Then Joe’s hands are on Nicky’s wrists, gently pulling them away from the man’s head. “Lykon, do what I said before and run the cold water on the tub, please. Give me a towel. Two if you have,” he says, all business, and Lykon scrambles to follow, just as Nicky moans, moving to throw himself over the toilet again.

When Lykon pauses, he feels a nudge on his leg and looks down to see Joe kicking him. “Now, Lykon, I have him,” he whispers, a hand gentle on Nicky’s back, rubbing it as it shakes. He backs away then, flicking the lights off on his way out. He runs to the kitchen, grabs a kitchen towel and slides back into the bathroom in a flash, going to the tub to plug it and fill it with water.

The light on the hall is still bright from the windows, and when Nicky stops being sick, Joe pulls him from the toilet, and gently leans him against the tub. Lykon takes that moment to flush the sick away, eyes on his friend. When Nicky starts to open his eyes, Joe shakes his head, settling beside him.

“Keep your eyes closed. Lykon’s here,” he says, and Lykon nods softly, grabbing Nicky’s hand and squeezing it, sitting in front of him. Joe’s settling beside Nicky, taking the towels and soaking it in the cold water.

“I’m sorry I disappeared,” he whispers, because he feels awful and Nicky just hums, keeping his eyes closed now.

“Is this handsome stranger the reason why?” he says, and Joe pauses, and Lykon snorts.

“Nicky your eyes are closed,” he points out and Nicky just hums, and keeps them close still, squeezing his hand. “You nearly ripped his throat out, just before too,” he adds.

“Handsome stranger danger,” Nicky mutters with a wince, and Lykon just shakes his head, glancing at Joe and even in the dark he can see that the man is flushing red at the words. Then he moves, holding the now wet towels in each hand, watching Nicky’s face closely.

“He’s been getting more headaches lately,” Lykon offers, and Joe shakes his head, frowning.

“These aren’t headaches,” he whispers, lifting the towels now, while Lykon frowns. Huh?

“What?” he asks, and Nicky’s eyebrows furrow deeper, and Joe shakes his head, focus all on Nicky now.

“Nicky,” Joe starts. “I’m going to put cold towel on your forehead and on the back of your neck,” he says. “Hold onto Lykon’s hand, alright? It’s gonna feel odd at first, but it’ll help. Just keep holding Lykon’s hand. Okay?” he whispers.

“Yes,” Nicky says, and he’s barely opening his mouth to speak, like the very action hurts. He’s tensed up, to the point that Lykon can feel it while holding his hand, and it’s clear he’s trying not to move.

Joe nods softly then, then he’s pressing the cold towel on Nicky’s forehead, making him hiss at the sudden change of temperature, whimpering when Joe immediately follows it with one at the back of his neck.

“C—Cold,” he gasps, shaking his head, but Joe doesn’t relent, and his hand is gripping the back of Nicky’s neck, and he’s pushing his forehead back, tilting his head.

“Listen to the water,” Joe whispers, and that’s when Lykon realizes that the faucet is still going, filing the tub. “Take deep breaths. Now I’m going to ask you questions, and all you have to do is squeeze Lykon’s hand once if it’s yes, alright? Can you do that?”

Lykon feels a squeeze, and he nods to Joe, who smiles.

“Is your head feeling better? Even a little?”

A squeeze.

“Is the cold helping?”

Another squeeze, and Lykon feels like he can breathe, watching Nicky, who’s swallowing, his head tilted back in Joe’s hands, and the water is tripping down his face, and neck, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“Have you had migraines for a long time?”

Lykon blinks, just as he feels a squeeze. Migraines. Not headaches, but migraines.

“Do you take anything for them?” Joe continues, and Lykon shakes his head when he doesn’t feel Nicky squeeze his hand.

“Did you use to?”

And again, Lykon feels a squeeze on his hand and Joe frowns then. 

“Would you consider going back to them?” he continues, and Nicky, once again, doesn’t squeeze Lykon’s hand, and he looks at Joe then, who shakes his head, clearly seeing that he’s panicking because Lykon is panicking.

“Lykon,” Nicky whispers, wincing as he does, and Lykon shakes his head even though he can’t see him.

“Nicky—”

“I didn’t do anything wrong?” he whispers, voice soft, and he hates it. He sounds so unsure, just like Quynh did, and he squeezes his hand softly, glancing at Joe, whose full attention is on Nicky.

“Of course not, Nicky.”

Nicky hums, eyebrows furrowing as Lykon watches his face. Then he swallows.

“Don’t do that again, please. You worried me,” he says in a steady, firm voice that is very much like him, that Lykon laughs weakly, squeezing his hand again.

“I know, I’m sorry, Nicky.”

Nicky squeezes his hand in response. “Quynh’s alright?” he breathes out, after a moment and Lykon squeezes his hand, wanting him to understand that he’s here.

“She is.”

Nicky’s quiet for a long bit after that, with only Joe moving, gentle hands pressing the towel on his neck and his forehead, and Lykon just strokes Nicky’s knuckles.

“Are you really his brother?” Nicky croaks out, after a bit, and Lykon looks up to find Nicky opening his eyes. They’re heavy lidded, but he’s turning to look at Joe, who gives him a weak smile, nodding.

“I might as well be. Baba says I’ve known him since I was brought into this world,” he says, and he’s sighing, looking down. Joe’s still upset, that’s clear, and Nicky…

Nicky glances at Lykon then, and turns to Joe, after a moment.

“He didn’t tell us about you,” Nicky starts, and Lykon gulps, looking at the tile floors now, feeling Nicky squeeze his hand. Because of course Nicky would just get right to the point. Joe lets out a soft chuckle, and it’s a little strained. Lykon glances up to see him letting go of Nicky’s neck and re-soaking the towels.

Nicky takes one of them with his free hand and presses it against his own forehead, but leans into Joe’s touch when the man automatically presses the other one on the back of his neck.

And they sit there, staring at each other.

Talking about Lykon.

“He didn’t tell us about you, either,” Joe whispers, and Nicky hums, eyebrows furrowing in the slightest. Then he blinks, slowly.

“Us?”

“Andy…” Joe starts, and Nicky frowns then, and when he does, it accompanies a wince, finally looking back at Lykon, eyes narrowing a little.

“Who’s Andy?”

And Joe’s eyes widen then, and he gives Lykon what can only be a pitying, sad look, and really, he deserves all of it.


	3. wander as secrets, in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Lykon chuckles then, before taking a deep breath. “Hello, Andy. Listen, Nicky’s got a really bad migraine, and he’s not up for leaving the house. I’m thinking we just have lunch here?” he says, but Quynh feels like her brain just stuttered, and she freezes._
> 
> _Until she feels a hand on her shoulder, squeezing. “Quynh?” Andy whispers, and she blinks, looking at the phone._
> 
> _“Is Nicky alright?” she whispers, sitting down by the phone now, and gulping. “Do you need to bring him to hospital? Lykon, is he alright? I knew he’d been pushing, damn it—”_
> 
> _“Is Joe helping him?” Andy says, raising her voice just enough that it echoes slightly in the bathroom, sitting beside Quynh now. Her eyes are on her, and she meets her gaze, then looks down at the phone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments so far!

Quynh feels like she’s found her match.

Her pain in the ass.

“Do that again,” Andy grins, taking Quynh’s kick with ease, barely stumbling back. And she can’t help but laugh, bouncing on the balls of her feet because her heart is racing in the best of ways, and she cannot get enough of it. 

And it’s not just the adrenaline from class, or from Lykon’s bomb drop, but something else.

“You enjoy an ass kicking,” she says, step aside, circling Andy now. Classes had been over for a good ten minutes, but after stretching, Andy went straight to the bags, so Quynh invited her to spar, and she has no regrets.

She doesn’t remember the last time she’s had this much fun sparring.

Because there’s no feeling like having a good sparring partner. Especially one at the same skill level as you, if not better. Because they take your punches and kicks just right, and dish them out just the same.

Her students are watching them now, so Quyhn smirks, and Andy laughs, her fists up, before she’s pressing close, knees bent, arms locked around and over the back of her neck.

“Uh oh,” she hears one of her students say, and Quynh smirks.

Uh oh indeed.

Quynh jumps, one hand grabbing at the closest bicep in front of her, the other arm weaving around Andy’s neck, forcing the woman’s head to her shoulder. Andy grunts as she stumbles forward, and that’s when she kicks out her leg, and brings her to the ground.

She presses Andy’s shoulders on the mat and smirks over her. “Point,” she says, before throwing her leg over and effectively straddling her as Andy laughs, throwing her head back.

“Disqualified,” she gasps out, smiling in a way that just makes Quynh so happy for whatever reason. She gets off her then, and extends her hand.

“C’mon Andy,” she says, and Andy smiles, taking her hand firmly.

“Andromache.”

And yeah, Quynh definitely likes that a lot. She gives her a nod and smiles, nodding the bathroom.

“Hit the showers, Andromache. I have to close up,” she says, and Andy blinks rapidly for a moment, before laughing and walking away.

She turns to her students then, who are now starting to pile out. “Kru, that was so cool!” she hears, and she smiles, humming.

“It was, wasn’t it? I’ll get all of you guys there soon. Make sure you bring mouthguards for next week!” she says, and waves at them as she goes to front desk, since it’s her turn to close out, she’ll just shower at home.

She grabs her phone, and blinks when it starts ringing in her hand, Lykon’s face on her screen.

“Hi, we just finished,” she says, brushing her hair with her fingers to re-do it up, walking to the bathrooms now. She hears the shower as soon as she enters. “Are you picking us up?” she asks, and she hears Lykon shutting the door.

“Do you mind taking an Uber?” Lykon says, and his voice is soft and low, and she frowns.

“Why are you whispering?” she asks, reaching for her bag to grab her change of clothes, putting Lykon on speaker now. “You’re on speaker. Andy’s here,” Quynh says, just as the shower stops behind her.

“That I am,” she calls. “Hi Lykon.”

Lykon chuckles then, before taking a deep breath. “Hello, Andy. Listen, Nicky’s got a really bad migraine, and he’s not up for leaving the house. I’m thinking we just have lunch here?” he says, but Quynh feels like her brain just stuttered, and she freezes.

Until she feels a hand on her shoulder, squeezing. “Quynh?” Andy whispers, and she blinks, looking at the phone.

“Is Nicky alright?” she whispers, sitting down by the phone now, and gulping. “Do you need to bring him to hospital? Lykon, is he alright? I knew he’d been pushing, damn it—”

“Is Joe helping him?” Andy says, raising her voice just enough that it echoes slightly in the bathroom, sitting beside Quynh now. Her eyes are on her, and she meets her gaze, then looks down at the phone.

Lykon hums, letting out a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, Joe’s helping him. He doesn’t think Nicky needs to go to the hospital,” he says. “Quynh…Nicky wants ice cream,” he adds, and he sounds a little helpless at the request, and she can’t help but smile, knowing exactly what happened.

“Are you in trouble, Lykon?” she asks, and the man just sighs.

“Apparently two secret siblings are too much. He muttered something about ice cream before turning away, so I’m shooting my shot,” he says, and Andy laughs weakly.

“Can’t say I blame him. But we’ll get the ice cream. And some proper food,” she says, and Quynh nods to her, reaching for her phone.

“We’ll be home soon,” Quynh says, giving Andy a smile as the woman dries her hair, back to wearing her own clothes instead of Quynh’s shorts.

“I know Quynh…and oh. I moved your diffuser from the kitchen into Nicky’s room. Joe saw it, and he said that it’ll help Nicky’s migraines,” he says and she finds herself nodding, like Lykon can see her.

“Anything you need,” she says, and Lykon hums out a thank you before hanging up. Quynh stares at the phone for a long moment, frowning.

“Quynh?”

She blinks, and looks up to find Andy staring at her, her eyes watching her carefully. “He’ll be alright. Joe’s got him,” she says with such confidence that she can only hope to feel. The idea of Nicky being ill, of being at the mercy of a relative stranger, doesn’t sit right with her. But she nods, in an effort to calm herself. Because if Lykon trusts Joe, then she will try to do the same.

“Is he really a paramedic?” she whispers, and Andy gives her a smile then, leaving her towel on her head as she reaches over to grab her phone, handing it to Quynh.

“He’s a doctor,” she says, voice soft. “Joe didn’t really expect to be, but he wanted to help people, and he ended up going all the way with it, going where he’s needed. In a lot of cities, he worked at emergency services, and did paramedical work. Saying he’s a paramedic stuck,” Andy explains, and Quynh blinks, smiling weakly.

“He went where people needed him?” she asks, and she watches as the woman smiles in response, her back straightening a little.

“Always. He…had a lot to give to the world,” Andy says and her voice, while soft, was _so_ proud.

“And you looked after him.”

Andy laughs weakly, and nods. “And I looked after him,” she says with a confidence that can never be questioned. “I made sure he was safe.”

“So Lykon has two amazing older siblings?” Quynh asks, and it gets her another smile, even though Andy’s shaking her head.

“Just one. Joe’s the baby,” she explains, standing up to continue getting dressed and Quynh follows her, grabbing her bag. The shorts Andy borrowed are already folded neatly atop of it, and she smiles.

“Can I ask more questions?” Quynh asks, as she starts to change, because what else is there to do but learn about the ones that Lykon loves? For Lykon loved her and Nicky too, and she can be sure of that fact.

Before Lykon and Nicky, it had only been Quynh. There was nothing sad or tragic about it, she was just alone. For a very long time. It had just been the fact of her life that only changed after one little accident in her third year that she very well caused. And in it, she gained two friends, best friends, loved ones, that she will do anything for. And oh, she was so afraid to lose them even at the start. And Nicky and Lykon, gave her the feeling that they felt the same for her too.

Andy looks back at her with a smile then, and nods.

“I’ll answer what I can, then anything I can’t we’ll bring home to them with food and ice cream?” she proposes and Quynh grins, turning her back to finish up.

“I like how you think, Andromache.”

They end up walking to get food, deciding to just Uber when they get to the restaurant. They’ve already called ahead, and Quynh got all of Nicky’s favourites. And now, she gets to spend more time with Andy, who she just finds fascinating.

Because she’s new. Because she’s Lykon’s family. Because she’s walking with her, patient and sweet, after taking her lessons and her kicks and her punches with a smile. And that excites her.

“You’ve known Lykon since he was born?” she asks, after a moment, looking up at Andy who smiles at her softly, nodding. Her hair is still wet, sticking to her forehead.

“I’m three years older than him,” she says, voice soft, which means she’s only a year older than Quynh. “All our parents were best friends, so we grew up pretty much the same way, and more like siblings. I can’t remember a part of my childhood where Lykon or Joe weren’t a part of it. I always looked after them,” Andy continues.

They’ve had Lykon from the beginning, while Quynh always felt that Lykon marked a new beginning for her, and she knows that Nicky felt the same. She frowns in thought, just a little.

“But you left Lykon. Long enough that he never thought to mention you,” Quynh says, because it’s true, and she knows that it’s probably too blunt. Andy laughs weakly, not even flinching, smiling at her in a way that’s a little blank.

“No wonder he likes you,” Andy says, after a moment, and she’s staring at Quynh and she just grins back at her. “We did. Joe wanted to go and do his thing, and he was going to do it whether his parents allowed him or not. They only got placated when I said I’d go and look after him. His Mama and Baba are very protective of their little Yusuf, and I was too. Lykon stayed, and yeah, we left him long enough that we hurt him,” she says, kicking the sidewalk.

“Ten years.”

Andy sighs. “Yeah, ten years. We came and went through out, but it’d be a few days maybe, a week longest if we could. But ten years.” And Quynh tries remember the times that Lykon would say he’s going back home for a little, to see his parents, and can pinpoint only a few events each year, if that. And each time he had been so careful to let them know, knowing how Nicky and Quynh were. That’s why the last week and a half was so jarring.

“It wasn’t enough,” she mutters as she lets the words sink, and Andy shakes her head silently. She looks devastated and Quynh’s heart aches for her.

Quynh looks up where they are, and grabs Andy’s hand, stirring her to turn the corner to get to the restaurant. Once they settled on the street, she finds herself still holding the woman’s hand, smiling when Andy just squeezes it for a moment. Then she lets go and hums, looking up at Andy.

“Joe’s the baby? Really?” Quynh asks, titling her head, and smiles when Andy’s eyes soften, laughing softly. Good. They can put the hard things at the backburner for now. Right now, it’s her and Andromache, and Quynh wants to learn.

“Yes. Our little sun,” Andy says, with all the fondness you’d expect from a proud sibling. When she smiles though, there’s a little sadness in it, but she still continues: “Not so little anymore, but still our bright, bright, sun.”

Quynh smiles softly at her as she speaks. It’s clear that she loves Joe very much, watching her words and expression as they don’t quite mix. “And Lykon?” she whispers, and she catches the exact moment that her eyes sadden even further.

“My beloved brother,” she whispers, taking a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “We’ve left him for too long that he thought to hide us from two people who holds very dearly,” Andy continues, meeting Quynh’s gaze now.

Her heart beats a little louder in her chest, but Quynh’s unsure if it’s Andy or her words. “Did he say that?” she asks, and her voice is shaking. Because Lykon has a _family_ that they didn’t know about. That didn’t know about them. “That he holds us dearly? Because he hid you. He hid us. Nicky and I…he’s all that we got. And he kept us in the dark,” she croaks out because it hurts. She had thought that after ten years, _they_ were family.

Instead they were the secret, to his actual family. And it aches somewhere deep, knowing that she had been kept hidden in the dark like this. She had been alone before them, and while she didn’t care for tha, she hated the dark. Of any kind. She hates the dark so much.

“Hey,” she hears and blinks to find Andy looking at her with understanding in her eyes.

“I hate the dark, Andromache.”

Quynh feels her take her hand and squeeze it, gulping.

“It was probably more about us than you or Nicky,” Andy says, and she’s grimacing at her own words, her eyes shining. “And he did say that. I promise. We left him for a long time, and _you_ looked after him. You were there when we couldn’t be,” she says, and it’s soft and pained.

“I know he didn’t mean to leave you in the dark. He would never, Quynh,” Andy adds and she finds herself clinging to the words.

Quynh squeezes her hand, shaking her head. “Either way, it don’t make sense. I get he’s probably hurt, but Lykon…why hide it? Why hide his family?” she asks. She doesn’t understand it. She truly doesn’t. Because Lykon and Nicky are his, and _everyone_ who cared to know knew that. She found them, and they were hers, and she’s never been alone since. “Why, Andromache?” she says again, and this time, Andy squeezes her hand again, sighing.

She looks a little lost for words, and honestly, Quynh can’t blame her. It’s starting to sink in with her too, really, that Lykon had two people he obviously held dear that he didn’t think would matter to them to know. There’s an odd sense of kinship, mixed with all the hurt and confusion, with Andy because of that.

“We do things when we’re hurting. He said it hurt to talk about us, so he never did,” Andy says, finally, and Quynh bites her lip then, watching her face.

“Why did it mean hiding me? Hiding Nicky?” she asks, and her words feel choking. But at least, she wasn’t hid by herself. She was with Nicky. Even in the dark, and hidden, Nicky kept at her side. She watches as Andy shrugs, her eyes sad, and Quynh knows she’s not wrong about the woman knowing exactly what she’s feeling right now. 

“I wish I knew, Quynh. We just have to ask him at this point,” she whispers, and Quynh sighs, walking again, but this time, she doesn’t let go of Andy’s hand.

“It’s just really fucking shitty, Andromache,” she mutters, and glances at the woman when she feels her squeeze her hand. “Nicky and I love him so much, and this really…it’s really fucking shitty.”

“I know, Quynh.”

***

“My name’s Joe.”

Nicky blinks, and tilts his head at him. He’s pretty sure Joe had said this before. Joe meets his gaze and smiles, squeezing the towel gently with one hand, and leaning over Nicky again, pressing it against his forehead. The coolness feels great against his skin, the migraine slowly crawling away. Joe’s taken the towel from him completely, refusing to let Nicky do it himself. They’ve moved to his bedroom now, after Lykon and Joe helped him there, and when Lykon went to leave, he didn’t protest, not thinking anything of the fact that there is a stranger in his bed, pressed quite close to him.

“Nicolò,” he whispers in return, and watches as Joe blinks, laughing weakly. Then he pauses, as if thinking hard on something. Nicky looks away then, to allow a moment.

“Yusuf,” Joe eventually replies, his voice so soft and careful. Like he’s trying it out, trusting him with it.

Nicky hums, leaning against his touch with a sigh. “Hello Yusuf,” he mutters, and it sounds just right to him. And when the man lets out a soft laugh in response, he knows he made the right choice. A part of Nicky just wants to hear his laugh too, again and again.

This migraine is definitely getting to him. Definitely knocked something in him, and he’s obviously become unhinged. Why was he being forward to this stranger?

A very handsome stranger, but still.

“Hello Nicolò,” Yusuf says to him, gently wiping at his forehead, and it feels right. “How’s the migraine? Better?”

Nicky nods then and there’s no pain. “Much,” he whispers, watching Joe’s face, Yusuf’s face, for a moment before glancing at the door. Where Lykon is.

Lykon, his friend of the last ten years. His friend who had always treated him like a brother ever since he caught Nicky all those years ago. A friend who has been more of a brother, more of a _family_ that he has had in his last ten years ever since Nicky decided to start anew here. A friend who he holds dear together with Quynh.

A friend who hid the fact that he had family he held dear.

He looks away then, and focuses on the diffuser that Joe had taken from the kitchen and setup in his room, watching the vapours, focusing a little too hard on it. He smells a hint of peppermint and lavender and it soothes the headache.

If only it can soothe his heart.

“Please do not be mad at our brother,” Yusuf mutters, and Nicky looks back at him then. The man’s pulling his hand away from his forehead, and even with the wet towel separating them, he finds himself missing his touch. When he looks up, his eyes are earnest, and soft.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Nicky asks, and as much as he says the words like he’s challenging him, his tone is anything but. He just sounds tired, and he sees Yusuf’s shoulders slump slightly, and he just knows he hears it, too.

Maybe he’s tired, too. As hurt as him, too.

“Because it’s not his fault. We hurt him—” Yusuf starts, before he’s frowning and shaking his head. “I—I hurt him,” he continues and Nicky tilts his head then. Yusuf blinks rapidly, still meeting his gaze.

“Ten years is a long time. He admitted this morning, that it hurt to think of us, so he never talked about us while we were gone,” Yusuf whispers, and Nicky hates how sad he looks. And while he agrees that ten years is a long time, he’s not about to kick Yusuf while he’s already down. Because he could only imagine how different this would’ve been, if he knew that Lykon had yearned for siblings that kept leaving him behind. Nicky could only imagine himself being righteously angry on his behalf.

Being hidden somewhat makes sense, but it also doesn’t.

Maybe Nicky doesn’t understand it because he never had people he held dear in a while, until he found Lykon and Quynh.

He’s all that he has.

“So, what is his excuse about us?” Nicky finds himself saying before he can stop himself. “Did I hurt him too? Did Quynh and I hurt him that he hid us from you? Has he ever mentioned us?” he asks, and Yusuf shakes his head, gulping.

“No, but I still don’t think it has anything to do with you. He said you were the good ones, I think it stemmed more from us,” the man whispers before laughing weakly, and it sounds teary. “It’s sounds like I’m competing for his anger. I’m not. I’d do anything to have him not be angry at me.”

“Is he angry though?” he asks, because Lykon doesn’t get angry. He gets quiet. And now if he thinks too hard about it, he’s sure that he’ll remember moments where Lykon would get quiet with them, with a faraway look in his eye. And now he knows that reason why.

Yusuf laughs weakly, and it sounds pained, and he can tell from his eyes that he’s deep in thought. Deep in guilt. And he won’t have that. He reaches for his hand then, because if he’s going to be forward, he might as well go all the way with it. Yusuf just grasps his hand back in return, like he picked the right moment to give him comfort. And he’s so, so glad.

Nicky hums then. “You said it’s your fault, exclusively. Why?” he whispers, and Yusuf shifts then, shrugging, and his fingers are moving across his knuckles gently, and Nicky finds that he likes the feeling. 

“Andy left because I wanted to leave. She came to look after me, basically. She didn’t have to, but she did, and…” he trails off, sighing.

“But that was her choice. Not yours, Yusuf,” Nicky mutters, glancing at the door again, and he’s not really sure why he’s trying to make Yusuf feel better, holding his hand like this. “Like it’s Lykon’s choice to keep the two parts of his life separate,” he adds, and Yusuf blinks then, looking into his eyes now.

“And yet I’d always forgive him. I’m hurt now, but I will be alright,” he says, smiling weakly, and Nicky bites his lip, nodding. “I just have to come back fully. Once I am, I think…I think it’ll all be fine,” he continues and Nicky stares at him, wondering what it all means. He watches as Yusuf moves forward again, the towel in his hand and Nicky meets him halfway, leaning into his touch.

“Fully here?” he whispers, and Yusuf just shrugs and gives him a pained smile.

“I’m not fully home yet,” he mutters, looking down and Nicky can only guess that he means coming home after ten years. Ten years of what, he doesn’t know, but he can see it. How Yusuf is a little frayed at the edges and he gulps, because the man still continues to think of Lykon like he had never hurt him.

He reaches for his hand then, and squeezes it, meeting his gaze.

“I won’t be mad at our Lykon, Yusuf,” he whispers, and finds himself smiling sadly as Yusuf nods gratefully, squeezing his hand back.

Because as much as it hurts, as much as Nicky doesn’t understand it, he knows that it won’t be long until he forgives Lykon too.

“He told me you take care of them,” Yusuf whispers, and Nicky blinks, and he feels like his breath escapes him, for even just a moment. And he notices, because Yusuf moves the towel away, and frames his face with his hand instead, smiling weakly.

Nicky gulps. “He told you that?” he whispers, and the man smiles at him.

“Truly. He says you work hard, at the university. And you take care of them…and that you over-do it sometimes,” Yusuf whispers, voice careful and slow, watching him so closely, and he finds himself falling. For him, for what, he’s not sure. But it involves Yusuf, this stranger, in the best and most terrifying of ways.

“I love them,” Nicky says, after a moment, and sounds vulnerable, even to himself. “I do. They’re…they’re mine to take care of, and I—” he pauses, taking a deep breath, catching himself before he admits too much. That Quynh and Lykon are the most important to him. That they symbolized a life worth living.

He closes his eyes for a moment, and finds himself grounded by Yusuf’s thumb brushing against his cheek. When he opens his eyes, he finds him nodding, encouraging.

“My life here began with them,” Nicky whispers, and it sounds shaky even to him, because apparently he can’t help but still say it aloud. He tries not to think of how he got there, why he needed a different life here, and focus on finding Quynh and Lykon. On loving them, for they understood him the most, in the most intimate of ways. “They’re all that I have. So for Lykon to…for him to. It hurts?” he asks, because he’s so confused, and he thinks that Yusuf, this stranger, may understand him.

And Yusuf nods, and he shifts closer, and smiles at Nicky. “It hurts to find out that you’re a secret,” he mutters, and Nicky sniffles, nodding.

Because that’s it. That’s the truth and all of it. Because while he has secrets himself, it’s never _people_. His past, his whole of himself, maybe, there are pockets of secrets upon secrets. Of past things that he rather forget. That he may never utter aloud, had asked them to never ask it of him. But he’s never hidden people away, especially not from Lykon and not from Quynh.

But then again, he really has no one else, and so there was no one else to hide.

“He did it to cope,” Yusuf continues, and Nicky’s breath hitches, feeling like his words are calling his own thoughts out, even though there’s no way this stranger could’ve known what he was thinking. But then Yusuf looks into his eyes just as he pulls away, taking his hand again and squeezing it, and Nicky looks down.

“We all do things to cope, sometimes,” he hears Yusuf say, and he has to wonder then, if this man can read him like an open book, like his soul was his to know.

Nicky gulps, and nods again, before looking back up at him, letting out a shaky breath.

To cope. He left and started a new life, to cope.

“But it still hurts, Yusuf,” he whispers, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and Yusuf nods weakly, and his eyes are shining.

“I know, Nicolò. I know.” It’s kind, and not placating.

And with Yusuf’s hand in his, his presence and his understanding, it feels, for a moment, that it’s just enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quynh's title: _Kru_ means teacher or instructor in Muay Thai. Calling someone _kru_ is a sign of respect, recognizing the individual as a master of the art. It's recognized by everyone, and it's especially awe-inspiring to see someone you consider _kru_ addressing another as such.


	4. incomplete, we focus on love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I’m not… angry at Lykon,” Nicky whispers, and she nods, because she knows. She feels Joe’s arms wrap around her from behind them, and she leans into it, her attention fully on Nicky still. “I just…don’t understand,” he continues._
> 
> _Andy gulps then, before motioning for Nicky’s hand. She sees him look at her hand before grabbing it, and as soon as she does, she squeezes it._
> 
> _“We don’t either,” she says, voice soft, and Joe’s arms squeeze around her. “But we’ll figure it out. It’s clear that you are very dear to him,” Andy continues and Nicky snorts, looking down and Andy frowns._
> 
> _“Then why?” Nicky mutters, and Joe lets out a shaky sigh beside her._
> 
> _“Because we hurt him,” her brother whispers, and Nicky gulps, squeezing Andy’s hand again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Please note I've increased the number of chapters on this work. Also, please see the tags as they get updated at every update.

“You think he’s _this_ mad at me?”

Lykon’s voice is soft as he asks, and he looks properly sad that Andy’s heart aches for him. He’s staring three tubs of gelato from a very specific shop that she and Quynh went to after picking up lunch, which are apparently all of Nicky’s favourite.

Quynh lets out a soft sound from the other side of the counter and walks over to Lykon, wrapping her arms around him immediately, and Andy’s heart warms at the sight.

Her brother is loved and she is thankful.

“You know Nicky’s never mad at you. You’re in trouble, yes. Because this was very mean, but you know we love you, right?” Quynh says softly to Lykon, who squeezes her then, before pulling away to smile.

He’s looking a little emotional, and it tugs on Andy’s heart. This day has been very emotional.

“Lykon,” she starts, motioning for him now, one arm extended towards him. Lykon smiles and lets go of Quynh, who’s smiling as well, before she moves back to the counter. There, her movements are careful as she lays out the food and puts all the gelato in the fridge.

Andy wraps her arm around Lykon’s neck as soon as he’s close enough and squeezes him, kissing his forehead. “She’s right, you know? Quynh is very smart,” she says, voice soft but loud enough for the woman to hear. And she knows that Quynh heard her, meeting her gaze over Lykon’s shoulder. She finds herself smiling when Quynh winks at her, before returning to her task.

If her heart stutters at the sight of her, of this stranger, then that’s just going to be between her and her damn heart. Andy can’t help but wonder how many people have felt like this, when they see her. A woman so sure of herself, with a ferocity that’s always just beneath the surface; nothing excites her more.

It makes her very soul sing.

“Mhm, she is,” Lykon whispers, and Andy finds herself looking at Quynh still, only to look away when she hears her brother chuckle in her arms.

“What?”

Lykon just gives her a smile, pressing his forehead against hers for a moment, before turning pulling away with a smirk. “You do like them smart,” he says, and _of course_ he knows. No matter the years apart, her beloved Lykon always knows.

And he’s such a little shit about it.

She glances at Quynh again, before turning back to Lykon with a shrug, smirking.

She doesn’t really have to say anything else.

Lykon just laughs softly again and squeezes her again, sighing, and glancing towards one of the bedroom doors. Andy follows his gaze, leaning her head against her brother’s.

“Nicky?” she asks, and Lykon nods, sighing.

“Yep. Joe’s in there with him,” he says, voice soft. “He’ll be my saving grace in all of this,” he continues and Quynh makes a soft noise then.

They both turn to find her glancing up from arranging the food on the counter for all of them to share. “Is Joe the soft one between all of you?” she asks, tilting her head. Andy hums, thinking. Joe, with his heart of gold and too strong feelings, even in his most difficult of days, can be the most forgiving and most loving of any human on earth.

“In the best of ways,” she says, just as Lykon says the exact same thing. They turn to each other then and laughs softly, Quynh laughing softly with them.

“Baby bro is loved, huh?” she asks, and Andy nods, because Joe is. Joe is so, so, loved, and so is Lykon. She squeezes him then, before letting go, walking towards the door.

“Andromache,” Lykon starts, and she looks back to find both him and Quynh looking at her with wide eyes. She rolls her own eyes and waves, walking towards the room again.

“I’ll be nice,” she says, voice soft as she gets to the door. Then, she brings her hand up and knocks on it, as gently as she could.

She hears a familiar shuffling, and the door opens to reveal Joe, wrapping his arms around her immediately and squeezing her, like they’ve been separated for hours. She holds on tight then, knowing that something is bothering him.

“Sister,” Joe whispers against her shoulder and Andy smiles, squeezing the back of his neck gently. Her little brother. Her dear Yusuf.

“How’s the patient, Dr. Al Kaysani?” she asks, pulling back to look at him now. Joe laughs weakly then, and Andy hears shuffling behind him.

“Is that Andy?” she hears, and Joe steps aside.

Andy enters the room, and smiles at the man on the bed, meeting his gaze as Nicolò turns to look at her. There’s a not-so-there smile on his lips that she appreciates and finds comfort in. She steps into the room then, and hears the door close behind her, before feeling Joe stand at her side.

“Hi,” she says, walking to his side and extending her hand. Nicky grasps it firmly, nodding to her.

“Nicky,” she gets as a reply, and when she glances at Joe, he finds him blinking at Nicky, before smiling softly to himself, looking down. There’s something she’s missing, something just between these two men, and if Joe looks like that, then she can’t bring herself to mind.

Nicky then let’s go of her hand and shifts on the bed, making room for her to sit, and she does so, feeling Joe sitting behind her. Then he tilts his head, his gaze still meeting Andy’s.

“How was Muay Thai with Quynh?” he asks, and Andy laughs weakly then, glancing at Joe, who blinks.

“I didn’t say anything,” he says, and Andy looks back at Nicky then, who’s smiling at her with that smile of his. Then he shrugs, looking down for a moment before looking back up again.

“Well, how was it?” Nicky asks, and Andy laughs, and it comes out of her unbidden. The fact that he just knew, well, colour her fascinated. To know that these are the people that looked after her beloved Lykon softens the confusion and hurt in her heart.

“You just know, huh? It was great. She kicked my ass,” she says, and Nicky snorts then, Joe laughing behind Andy, and she feels him shift behind her, his chin on her shoulder.

“I’d pay to see that,” Joe says, and Nicky’s eyes flicker to meet Joe’s and then he smiles, and Andy blinks.

Because this smile is different, not barely there, no. But a grin, soft, but beautifully wild, and oh. _Oh._ She glances at Joe and finds him smiling back, his eyes shining.

Interesting.

Or maybe not. And it warms the heart, beyond anything else.

When Nicky meets her gaze again, she gives him a small smile. “We got all your favourites. And gelato, too,” she whispers, and watches as Nicky blinks once, then nods, his shoulders slumping a little. Then he gulps, looking down at his lap for a moment, before looking up at her again.

“I’m not… angry at Lykon,” Nicky whispers, and she nods, because she knows. She feels Joe’s arms wrap around her from behind them, and she leans into it, her attention fully on Nicky still. “I just…don’t understand,” he continues.

Andy gulps then, before motioning for Nicky’s hand. She sees him look at her hand before grabbing it, and as soon as she does, she squeezes it.

“We don’t either,” she says, voice soft, and Joe’s arms squeeze around her. “But we’ll figure it out. It’s clear that you are very dear to him,” Andy continues and Nicky snorts, looking down and Andy frowns.

“Then why?” Nicky mutters, and Joe lets out a shaky sigh beside her.

“Because we hurt him,” her brother whispers, and Nicky gulps, squeezing Andy’s hand again.

“You did,” he says, and it doesn’t sound accusatory, or angry. But he does sound upset, taking in a deep breath, before looking up at Andy again.

“But we could’ve helped him, you know?” Nicky whispers, and Andy gives him a smile then, tugging on his hand now. Because it’s clear to her that Nicky, that Quynh loves Lykon so much, in ways that can rival, no, parallel the love she and Joe hold for him. And she has to focus on that.

Because she’s seen so many things in the world in her short life in it, with Joe by her side. They’ve dedicated their lives trying to help a world that seems to always be on fire. And it didn’t take long for her to start to lose hope, even if all she ever did was to try and keep her brother safe. Joe noticed, even though she knows in her heart of hearts that he could keep giving away his heart to those who need it. But she herself was so _tired_. So when he said they should go home, she couldn’t help but agree.

“Let’s see our brother,” Joe had said, a week after a particularly harrowing night, where they were less than successful. When Joe tried his very best and still didn’t succeed and Andy tried so hard with him. And she saw him collapse under the tears and the grief and helplessness, and while she hated to see it, it was a long time coming. Because Andy had been by Joe’s side as he helped the world, and she watched him give his all while she watched his back, and he always came out the other side with _hope._

But that week was different. That week, something changed, and it was terrifying, even to her.

So when Joe had asked to see Lykon, Andy could only nod, because while she also wanted to go home as well, she could hear _something_ in Joe’s voice then.

She made sure then that they left as soon as they could.

And they arrived home, in one piece, or she hoped, holding Joe’s hand in hers. And while Andy’s feels like she’s settled, complete, Joe admitted after the first few days that he feels like he’s left a part of himself behind in the ten years of giving his heart and skills to everyone else.

“I’m having trouble,” he had whispered. “Feeling complete.”

So simply put, a soft, sad admission, two days after arriving back. And Andy held him, ached for him, and loved him and will continue to love him. And she has to try really hard not to think of that difficult week that probably unhinged her little brother. So she focused on finally seeing Lykon again.

Only to find out that Lykon had a life that he had kept away from them.

Andy could only imagine what Joe maybe feeling right now. And while Andy could be angry, and a part of her is, immensely so, for her and for Joe, meeting Quynh, and now meeting Nicky, she knew she had to focus on what’s important. That in the years she and Joe had left Lykon, in the years that they saw him only for days at a time, he had not been alone, and had been loved. Fiercely so, because she had been able to see it with how Quynh interacted with him, or how Lykon spoke to Nicky, and now how Nicky speaks of him in return.

Lykon was loved, even as they left him behind, and as much as it hurts, that was important. And Andy will focus on that, and if she had to hold Joe as he makes his way back home as well, then she will do that. Just because they’re home, it doesn’t mean she’ll ever stop watching his back. But looking at him now, looking at him with Nicky, she may not have to do it alone.

Nicky might help her with it.

And maybe Quynh too.

“Let’s get some food in you first. And then, we’ll figure it out,” Andy says to Nicky, eventually, smiling at him. She squeezes his hand gently, glad to have him squeeze hers back just as equally. Then she glances back at Joe, who meets her gaze. “What you say, Dr. Al Kaysani? Is he good to eat?”

“Of course,” Joe says, unwinding his arms around her, and Nicky blinks then, his hand still in Andy’s.

“Doctor?” he asks, tilting his head, and Andy smirks then.

“You’ve found the only medical doctor who forgets his credentials, yep,” she says, in a sing-song voice, laughing when Joe groans. When she looks at him, he’s flushed red, standing from the bed now.

“I didn’t forget, Andy! It wasn’t important!” he says, and Andy just keeps laughing, standing now, and gently tugging on Nicky’s hand, so he can stand as well. Joe never thought it important, even when he was helping those he could. He was always Joe, and Joe was needed and loved by everyone he saved, and couldn’t save.

Nicky leans into her, as soon as they’re both upright, so Andy puts an arm around him, and smiles at him when he meets her with his own.

“We’ll figure it out?” Nicky whispers, and Andy smiles, keeping her full attention to him, just as Joe goes ahead and opens the door.

“Always. Nicky. We’ll get it done.”

***

“If you stick your fork in my drunken noodles _one more time_ , I swear to all—” Quynh starts, only to pause and trail off with a smile, as Nicky puts a forkful of his own noodles onto her plate, after Lykon steals some of hers.

“Thank you, Nicky!” she says, before narrowing her eyes at Lykon, who just shrugs, eating the forkful he stole from Quynh. Andy snorts, beside Joe as he stares at the three of them, only looking away when Nicky sees him looking and smiles at him.

He feels a nudge, and looks to find Andy wiggling her eyebrows. Being the little brother can be hard, sometimes.

So he just scrunches his face at Andy, and glances back at Nicky. He’s not really sure, at this moment, but he can’t stop looking at the man. Andy leans in again, because she obviously wants to double down.

“You have a crush,” she whispers, and Joe can honestly say that he both loves and hates his sister. Because even in a moment where he doesn’t feel very much like himself, he knows what being mortified feels like, and he really, really is.

He looks up at her and goes to retort, but then Quynh’s looking up at them and extending her plate, a smile on her face.

“Andromache!” she exclaims, and Lykon looks up, meeting Joe’s gaze, and their eyes widen together, watching Andy now, who blinks looking at Quynh as the woman grins at her. “Share, Andromache!”

And Andy? Andy just flushes pink and Joe feels himself grin then, and it feels good, especially since Lykon mirroring him.

It seems like he’s not the only one with a crush. Oh, Joe’s going to have so much fun with this.

“Thank you Quynh,” Andy says, after a moment and as Quynh settles back, Joe grins and wiggles his eyebrows at Andy. It earns himself a thigh pinch for his troubles that hurts like a _bitch_ but it’s totally worth it.

And it feels right, even for a little bit. Like it brings him closer to home, somehow.

“Yusuf? Are you alright?” he hears, and Joe blinks, looking at Nicky, who’s staring at him with his head tilted slightly. Joe can _feel_ Lykon staring at him at the same time, but he makes a point not to look.

“Of course,” he says with a smile. “Of course I am, Nicolò,” he continues, feeling the tips of his ears hit up when the man smiles at him, before turning back to his food. He sees Quynh looking at him then, before she blinks, her mouth dropping open for a second. Then, she smirks, looking at Andy now.

And honestly? They belong together, damn it.

“Joe, you’re all red. Is it too spicy for you?” he hears Lykon say, and he swears everyone is after him right now. He looks up to find his beloved brother grinning, a proper eat-shitting grin, and he smiles tightly at him, gripping his fork a little.

“You know nothing is too spicy for me, Lykon,” Joe says, and Lykon just laughs, the little shit.

“Sure Joe. Sure.”

Joe smiles, genuinely this time, because in that moment, he feels a little like himself, but it’s a little fleeting.

Because it really doesn’t feel like he’s all here. Maybe that’s why he feels especially unhinged, finding out that Lykon kept him and Andy a secret to his friends.

Just thinking about it now makes him want to weep, but it still feels like he’s ran out of them, even after more than a week of being home.

He tries to focus on his food after that, letting the light conversation wash over him. It’s odd, really, being home, properly at home, for the first time in ten years. Joe knows that he’s going to take some time to adjust, some time to not feel like he always has to be moving, working, saving someone, something, anything.

They’ve been warned of this, of course. He had hoped it’d never happen to him, but it just makes sense, after ten years of doing everything he did and more.

Joe knows it’s going to be hard, to turn it off. And he knows that while he first proposed going home because of Andy, a part of him also wanted to come home. Not because he was losing hope, he doesn’t think. Not that he was losing heart either. But that last week, that last bout took a lot out of him.

He grips his fork tighter and gulps.

Whatever drove him to say he wanted to see Lykon, that he wanted to go home, he can’t really figure out right now for sure.

But he didn’t really have the will to fight or question it either.

Either way, Joe he knows that he won’t be able to turn it all off, not fully. Not for a really long time, even if he is at home.

But he tried. Have been trying since he got back. But he’s also glad that he hasn’t fully, either. Because he was able to help Nicky.

Nicolò.

Joe’s unsure why, but he is captivated. He repeats the name in his mind, again and again and it feels right.

Nicolò. Nicolò. Nicolò.

Even with how acutely aware he is of himself, and how he doesn’t feel all there, he _knows_ he’s captivated, entranced, while also being grounded. They say that grounding items work, to help you come back home.

Maybe it’s in this name.

“Switch with me,” he hears, and he looks up, blinking. Nicolò’s standing beside Andy now, who’s looking at the man with food halfway in her mouth, and Nicolò just smiles at her, nodding to his vacated seat, beside Quynh. Andy blinks, then she’s smirking around her bite, standing up.

Then she’s leaning towards Nicolò, whispering something to him, and Joe watches, fascinated as his cheeks turn pink at her words, before turning his head slightly and saying something to her as well. Andy laughs in response, and squeezes Nicky’s shoulder. She moves then, and Joe doesn’t follow her, because Nicolò’s sitting beside him now.

“Didn’t want to give away any more of your food?” Joe asks instead, voice soft, and Nicolò laughs weakly then, smiling at him.

“You’re quiet. I figured I can be quiet with you,” he responds and Joe’s breath hitches. He’s not quiet, not really. That’s not who he is.

  
“I—“ he starts, but Nicolò’s smiling at him again.

“I wasn’t really sure what you meant,” he says, and Joe tilts his head at him.

“When you said that you’re not fully home yet,” Nicolò continues. “But I think I know now. This…is not you. I can tell, it’s not you. Not fully you, I mean. You’re not all here, yet. But you’re allowed. Take the time you need.”

And Joe stares at him, because how could this man know exactly what needed to hear? His heart is starting to race in his chest. He gulps, and turns back to his food, eating a bite, not really sure how to feel about this stranger, this Nicolò understanding him so deeply.

His food is a little cold now, but he finds that he doesn’t mind, with Quynh, Lykon and Andy talking around them, of Nicolò’s quiet presence by his side.

“I’m a doctor,” he found himself saying, gulping. “Rural areas. Crisis areas,” he whispers, blinking rapidly. Nicolò’s response is to shift closer to him.

“The whole ten years?”

Joe nods, gulping. Nicolò hums, and he glances at him. The man’s staring at his plate, but his leg is pressed against his. Then he nods, like he understands something that maybe even Joe’s still trying to comprehend.

When he looks up, he gives Joe a small smile. “Take your time,” he repeats.

Time.

“I do have time,” Joe whispers, after a moment. He’s home now, he’s meant to have time, right?

Time to come back home, fully. Time to cope. Time to understand Lykon and his actions and love his brother through and through anyway.

Even when it feels like he’s sitting in darkness, scrambling desperately to piece himself back together.

Nicolò hums beside him, and Joe glances at him, finds him staring at him, eyes searching, but also just so patient. And Joe can’t help but think that it all makes sense, even for a moment.

He might not feel right, being home now, being incomplete and hurt by the knowledge that Lykon functioned like he never existed. But it’s all part of him not being all there, yet. If he was, he knows himself enough to admit that there might have been more tears, more questions, possibly yelling. But instead, he took it, internalized it.

And it’s not him. He knows that for sure. Even in the haze of it all, Joe knows himself, that’s why he’s fully aware that he’s not all there. His edges have tugged on, his thoughts overcome by the hardest week of his life, of the failures he wishes to forget but he knows he never will. And it scares him, so much.

But here, now, he can calm himself. He can hide, from the hardship, even for just a little.

“All the time in the world,” Nicolò says, voice soft, and Joe smiles, even if his chest aches.

He might never really understand _why_ he had proposed to go home now. Or maybe he does, but he’s not ready to admit just yet that something broke him that last week. But then he thinks of Nicolò and his stare, and the way he sits with him now, and has given him permission to be quiet and just adjust. And Joe turns to the room and finds Andy and Quynh leaning against each other, both of them facing Lykon and they’re talking, smiles on their faces, boisterous and so, so happy.

He might be hurting and confused and incomplete, but he’s meant to be here, they’re meant to be here with him. Meant to be home, together.

And Joe thinks, maybe, even though he feels threadbare, he was just meant to come home at this exact moment. Slowly and taking his time. And when he is whole, he’ll be ready.

So for now, he’ll sit in the darkness until he’s ready to come out.

“You’ll wait?” he asks, feeling bold, turning to Nicolò then, who smiles at him, nodding. “Until I’m complete?” he continues, poetic, unsure.

_Ya amar_ , Joe thinks to himself. Because Nicolò, this stranger that calls him Yusuf and it feels so _right_ , has become a bright moon in this darkness he is currently in, even if he doesn’t understand it just yet, and who was he, to turn away such a blessing?

And Nicolò just smiles. He smiles, and Joe knows that this smile is for him, and him alone.

“We have time, Yusuf. I’ll be here.”


	5. family, for the universe says so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Is everything alright?” Joe whispers, and Nicky shakes his head._
> 
> _“Of course, Yusuf,” Nicky says, giving him a smile. “Join your sister and Quynh, please. We’ll be done here soon,” he continues, and Lykon sees that he takes a moment to put a gentle hand atop of Joe’s so that he can squeeze it gently, before pulling away. Joe stares at him, for a moment, glances at Lykon, before gulping._
> 
> _“Please do not be mad at our brother,” he whispers, and it makes Lykon’s heart stutter._
> 
> _But more importantly, it’s like Nicky deflates then, staring at Joe for a moment, before he nods softly._
> 
> _Joe is truly his saving grace in all of this. Lykon does not deserve him at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much all your reviews so far! I hope you enjoy this one, and our darling Lykon.

Lykon called them pair of pairs, when really, they are puzzle pieces.

Joe and Andy in one. Nicky and Quynh in another.

And it made sense to him. They always have.

Joe and Andy are always together in his mind. It’s just how the universe have always been presented them to him. When Joe had been born, Andy would hold him in her arms as soon as they were allowed, and as soon as Lykon had been allowed, Andy would _help him_ hold Joe in his arms. And the whole time Joe would giggle and scream and squirm, full of joy, ever so bright. Like Andy and Lykon could never do him wrong.

Lykon doesn’t remember a life before them, really.

And the two of them were always together. When they were with Lykon, and even when they were away.

They were together when they left, and they were together when they came back, and they were together when they left again. And in those moments, Lykon would accept it, resent it, acknowledge it, understand it, hate it.

And no matter the feeling, no matter the love underneath the hurt, one factor remained the same: they were together and made up Lykon’s siblings.

His brother and sister. Who makes him proud, again and again and again, because he knew that in their absence from his life, they made others’ lives, countless lives better, with Joe’s work, Andy at his side. And he loves them, so very much.

And in his mind, he had convinced himself, even under the hurt and bitterness, that nothing will ever change that.

Lykon met Nicky and Quynh very much the same way. He always viewed them as a cohesive unit, ever since Lykon had caught Nicky and fell in a heap with him after Quynh tried to rescue the man from spot on the floor.

They were his friends, his best friends.

Nicky, even though he was the youngest, took care of him and Quynh. Nicky was there for everything and continues to be there, with his silent support, and ever caring heart. They were his present, with his past firmly left behind him. And Quynh ensured that they understood that they were loved and protected, always the first to jump into their arms, or jump into their defense, if ever needed. Any idea of them ever feeling lost, and Quynh would find them. Quynh always finds them, for Lykon always felt like she never wanted to let them go.

Together they made him feel less alone, and Lykon was able to bury the hurt he couldn’t allow himself to feel deep down with their presence. Around Nicky and Quynh, Lykon didn’t feel the need to talk about being left behind by his brother and sister because with the two of them, he never really felt that abandoned, unless he let himself fall in it. Because in Nicky and Quynh, he could see Joe and Andy and he clung to it, without allowing himself to say so.

And looking at them all now, sitting together, comfortable in each other’s presence when they were mere strangers just hours ago, Lykon is realizing so many things at once.

But the most important thing?

Is that all of them fit altogether, and Lykon is a fucking _fool_ for separating them, no matter how unconsciously he did it.

Because seeing them now, looking at all of them, his puzzle pieces, his family, and they all just _fit_. Perfectly.

Like destiny.

“Lykon?”

He blinks, and looks up to find Joe looking at him, extending a hand for his plate, Nicky right beside him, staring quietly.

“Are you done? Nicky says he’s sharing his ice cream,” Joe says, and Lykon laughs weakly, handing his plate over to Joe, and his brother just smiles, taking it carefully, and standing up, Nicky’s plate stacked on his already. As soon as he’s gone, Nicky stands too, and walks over.

“Come, help me with it,” Nicky says, already grabbing Lykon’s hand and tugging at it, and he goes without protest.

“Thank you for getting the food, ladies,” Lykon calls back to the living room, finding Quynh and Andy settling on the couch together, after being left behind.

“You’re welcome!” Quynh yells out in a sing-song voice, making Andy laugh heartily.

“Leave the dishes, Yusuf,” Nicky starts as he walks to the fridge, and Lykon snorts.

“He won’t, and there’s no point in asking,” he says, and sure enough, Joe’s laughing behind him. It’s nice, to hear him laugh, because he knows that Joe is not all there just yet. He had noticed it, when he first came home, and when he had brought it up, after a week of being back, Joe just smiled at him and asked for a hug.

“Give me time,” he asked, and it hurt to hear him sound _so_ tired. And Lykon knows he will give him forever if he needs it, because he wants his brother okay. So yeah, the laugh? Amazing to hear just now?

When Nicky frowns, and goes to look behind them, back at Joe, Lykon winds his arm around his shoulders and pulls him towards the fridge.

Lykon then leans in, smiling at him. “He might as well figure out where things are, hm?” he asks, in a soft whisper just between them, and Nicky blinks at him owlishly, and flushes pink, clearing his throat.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he says, opening the freezer and taking out the ice cream that Quynh had brought, and Lykon takes it from him, nodding towards Joe.

“Get the bowls, please Nicky,” Lykon says and just smirks when Nicky gives him a look before walking over to Joe. Because if he can tease, he most definitely will. He watches as Nicky sighs softly, standing beside his brother for a moment, before opening the cupboard, watching Joe as he starts on the dishes. Lykon then makes his slow move to the dining table, left bare since they had their dinner in the living room.

“Yusuf, you’re a guest here. Truly, you can leave them be,” Nicky says, and Joe tuts, and Lykon sees him smiling at Nicky as he glances at him.

“Mama and Baba says that a kitchen should always be clear! So it’s ready for when it is needed,” Joe says, and he’s smiling so wide, like he always is when he talks about his parents, even though the beginning of the first 10 years of his time away from home was rife with stress and worry.

Nicky just hums in response, and Lykon just sees him standing there, watching Joe for a moment. Then his shoulders slump a little, like he’s giving in.

“Thank you, Yusuf,” Nicky whispers, in a soft voice before turning back to Lykon, bowls in hand with the ice cream scoop. He gives him a smile then, and sees from over his shoulder that his brother is staring at Nicky and Nicky alone. Like there’s no one else.

“My pleasure, Nicolò.”

Yeah, Joe is enamoured. He might be incomplete, and needing time, but Lykon knows when he feels because even with that struggle, Joe feels everything strongly, and it’s so clear for him to see.

Lykon smiles, and motions for Nicky to sit with him in the dining room table, smiling when Nicky sits on the same side as him, instead of across.

“Are you feeling better, Nicky?” he asks, voice soft. Because seeing Nicky that sick will remain with him for quite a bit. He hated seeing him ill, and he was incredibly happy that Joe had been there to help him out.

Nicky nods softly to him, and glances up a him then, extending his hand for the ice cream and Lykon hesitates for a moment.

“Truly?” he mutters, and there must’ve been something in his voice because Nicky blinks slowly, and then nods again.

“Truly,” he replies. “Yusuf helped me,” he says, and Lykon is glad for them both, because it’s clear that Joe’s not alone in his admiration. He might as well count small blessings, then.

“I’m sorry,” Lykon starts, after a beat, voice low, opening one of the pints and passing it to Nicky, who starts to dig a scoop out into a perfect little circle. Lykon hears him hum softly, and he looks up in time to see him staring back at him.

“So who were you hiding?” Nicky asks, because that’s who he is. Straight-forward, no-nonsense. Punches are never pulled when it comes to Nicky.

Lykon shakes his head. “I wasn’t hiding either of you,” he whispers, not surprised when Nicky grimaces in response and just continues scooping at the pint, and looks down at his task. He knows that he’ll keep going until there’s a perfect ball of ice cream in each bowl before moving on to the next flavour.

“I wasn’t,” Lykon continues and Nicky just hums.

“Does Andy or Yusuf have any allergies?” Nicky asks. “One of the flavours has hazelnut.” Because of course.

“No, not at all. And Nicky, I wasn’t hiding either,” Lykon mutters staring at him, not wanting him to brush it off and he finds himself feeling a little desperate, watching Nicky finish the first flavour, chocolate, before moving onto the hazelnut one. When Lykon reaches for it to open it for him, Nicky moves it out of the way, opening it himself. Then he pauses, eyes still down on the pint.

“If I had a brother and sister I cared about very much, you would know about them,” Nicky mutters, gulping. “But I don’t. I only have you and Quynh,” he continues, and as he trails on, he starts to sound choked, like he’s having difficulty, and Lykon starts to shake his head. “I thought—I don’t understand—”

“It’s not you, Nicky, please,” Lykon whispers, because he hates this. He hates it a lot, and Nicky sniffles, opening the pint now, and continuing with the new flavour. Again, perfect balls of hazelnut flavoured ice cream go in the bowl next to the chocolate one, and by the third one, Nicky’s hand start to shake.

“Then what, Lykon? What was it?” he whispers, and it’s so, shaky like his hands and he shakes his head.

“Nicky—”

Suddenly Joe’s hand is on Nicky’s, and they both look up to find him look at them with a small smile, his eyes flickering between them, taking in the expression on their faces he’s sure.

“Is everything alright?” Joe whispers, and Nicky shakes his head.

“Of course, Yusuf,” Nicky says, giving him a smile. “Join your sister and Quynh, please. We’ll be done here soon,” he continues, and Lykon sees that he takes a moment to put a gentle hand atop of Joe’s so that he can squeeze it gently, before pulling away. Joe stares at him, for a moment, glances at Lykon, before gulping.

“Please do not be mad at our brother,” he whispers, and it makes Lykon’s heart stutter.

But more importantly, it’s like Nicky deflates then, staring at Joe for a moment, before he nods softly.

Joe is truly his saving grace in all of this. Lykon does not deserve him at all. 

“Go join them, please,” Nicky asks softly, and Joe frowns a little.

“Nico—”

“Quynh!” Nicky calls, and his voice is only slightly louder but Lykon and Joe jump all the same. “Come take Yusuf away please,” he says, firmly. Lykon snorts then, and when Joe looks at him, he just nods.

“Bend your knees, Joe,” he instructs, and Joe blinks. “Huh?”

“Coming!” Quynh calls from the living room, and then Andy’s bursting into uproarious laughter, and suddenly, Lykon just _about_ sees Quynh from behind Joe because she’s _standing on the couch_ , ready to jump.

“Catch!” Andy yells, and Quynh’s laughing as she jumps right onto Joe’s back, and Lykon’s not surprise when his brother just bends his knees as told and braces himself perfectly, grunting only a little, but not even budging when Quynh lands, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Careful!” Joe calls, because he’s _Joe_ , grabbing Quynh’s legs and holding them around his waist.

Quynh just squeezes him in response, looking at Nicky with a happy grin, looking so comfortable on her piggyback ride. “Don’t worry, Nicky, I have him!” she says, and Joe just snorts, already walking to the living room with his new cherished burden on his back.

“Fine, fine I know where I’m actually wanted,” he mutters with no heat, his voice getting drowned by Andy as she yelps after Joe flips Quynh over to her lap, laughing the whole time.

Lykon and Nicky watch them for a moment, before Nicky continues his task of emptying out the pints into their respective bowls. This time however, he’s pointedly avoiding Lykon’s gaze, and he looks unsure. Like he didn’t know what to say to Lykon, when Nicky never had trouble before.

And it really can’t continue, despite how unsure of Lykon’s own readiness he is.

He’s hurting Nicky. He’s hurting everyone, because he’s not ready.

And that won’t do.

“I missed them,” Lykon whispers, and he sounds like he’s gasping even to his own ears. “So much. But I didn’t want to think of it too much, because if I did…I’d grow angry. And I was so _scared_ of that. You and Quynh…allowed me to not miss them,” Lykon whispers, using the most basic of explanations.

Nicky pauses then, and looks at him, but doesn’t say a word. Lykon gulps. “I felt alone, every time I thought of them, and you and Q allowed me not to feel it. Because you were home, with me,” he mutters, sniffling, his finger gently tracing the rim of the empty container, focusing on it after he looks away from Nicky.

“You were the good part of my life. So I focused on that, so I never had a chance to be too hurt, too angry at them. I buried them away because I’m afraid if I talked too much of them, and how much I miss them, that I might—” he stops, gulping. He doesn’t know if he can ever _hate_ them, but he couldn’t bring himself to find out, or to give himself a chance to even get even close to an inkling.

He hears Nicky shift, and then sees Nicky reach for his hand, squeezing it now, and Lykon feels tears down his face, because Nicky continues to take care of him. He always takes care of them.

“You didn’t want to hate them,” he whispers, his own voice just as soft, keeping this difficult conversation with them. Lykon nods then, gulping, refusing to look at him still.

“I love them so much, and I am so proud of them. For ten years, they came home to me, a few days at a time, a week, if I am lucky. The world…needed them, and they shared their experiences with me, so I focused on _that_. On the good that they do, on the happy feeling I felt every time they came home. And when they leave, I see you and I see Quynh and I don’t feel so broken and left behind,” Lykon mutters, quick and ashamed.

He feels Nicky squeeze his hand again, and this time, there’s an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close, and Lykon falls into it. “You didn’t want us angry at them,” Nicky mutters. “Because I would be, if I had known, and you knew that.”

Lykon laughs tearily then, nodding against Nicky’s shoulder. “It was easier to focus on the good part than the ones I was missing,” he whispers, gulping. “And I just got so used to it. It’s foolish, how does one do that? For ten years,” he gasps, because it’s _outrageous._ “How could I do that to any of you?”

Nicky squeezes him gently, and there’s a kiss on his forehead, loving and quiet and sweet. “We do things to cope,” he starts, and pauses for a moment, like his own words surprised him. Then he smiles. “It may not make sense to others, but if it makes sense to you, if it helps you rest your heart, then who are we to question?” Nicky continues, and Lykon squeezes his eyes shut then and lets out a sob, because this is the understanding that he hoped to get but never actually expected.

“You’re alright, it’s alright,” Nicky whispers, and Lykon shakes then, squeezing Nicky back. Everyone’s gone quiet, and he hears them moving.

He feels someone sit on his other side, and Andy’s hand is in his hair, stroking gently, in that way that she always knows will relax him, make him feel better. It’s been years, and it still gives him comfort and love. Nicky pulls away for a moment, and there’s arms wrapping around his shoulders, a kiss on his temple.

“We’re here, Lykon,” Quynh mutters, her voice soft against his ear. He hears the chair across the table move, and Joe’s hand is on top of his free one. He feels him squeeze his hand, just as Nicky squeezes it, perfectly in sync. It’s almost outrageous, but it just makes sense.

“We have you, brother,” Joe mutters, and his voice sounds shaky.

Lykon opens his eyes then, and glances at all of them. Andy’s face is carefully blank, but her eyes are shining, fingers shaky against his forehead. Quynh’s face he can barely see, her long hair cascading over his shoulder as she holds him from behind. Nicky is staring at him, eyes searching his like always, while also trying to understand. And Joe looks terrified at his tears, eyes shining with own unshed ones, like can’t take to see Lykon ever hurting.

“I love you all so much,” Lykon mutters, squeezing Joe’s hand back, and using his free hand to wipe at his own tears, sniffling. “I missed you when you were gone, and when I thought too much of it…I didn’t want to not love you as much as I did so I buried it. I focused on the good. On what I had,” he whispers, glancing at Andy and at Joe.

“Small, fleeting visits, promises of next time. The scarce emails, scarce phone calls, if and when you could. News of you two doing what you do best, the way you looked after you’ve helped people. I focused on those, and the promise of you coming home. And you did,” he says, wanting them to understand. Then Lykon gulps, sighing, Joe squeezing his hand again, Andy’s breath hitching slightly beside him.

“I focused on that and of what I can hold close,” he continues, glancing at Nicky, and gently leaning against Quynh, rubbing his nose against hers, and he hears her sniffling, before burying her face into his neck, staying quiet. “And I didn’t want them to be angry at you. I knew you’d love each other, it was always in my mind, but being the dumbass that I am, I buried that because a part of me was too afraid to be angry, because anger can turn to hate and I could _never—_ ” he trails off, shaking his head.

“I didn’t want my best friends to be angry at my siblings because they would be,” Lykon mutters, after a moment. “I just knew they would be because they love me and it wouldn’t be fair. And I did what I did and it _doesn’t_ make sense I know, but it’s done and I…” he trails off, not really sure where he’s going with it.

Lykon squeezes his eyes shut done. “Please don’t hate me,” he whispers, and it’s like the all move in to comfort him.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Andy hisses while Quynh just growls against him, squeezing him more. Joe sniffles and squeezes his hand while Nicky just sighs, shaking his head.

“I don’t think we could even if we try,” Joe says, a beat later, biting his lip. “We might not understand it…” he starts, and Lykon opens his eyes then. His brother looks so upset, but it’s unclear if it’s directed to Lykon or himself.

“But we’ll figure it out,” Nicky says, looking at Joe now. “We will, isn’t that right, Andy?” he asks, tilting his head forward to look at Andy now, and Lykon turns to her just as she smiles, nodding.

“I keep my word,” she says, and Quynh pulls away then, tapping at Lykon’s forehead. He looks up to find her staring at him.

“We’re not done talking about this,” she starts, and of course. He’s not expecting their forgiveness right then, if there is even a need. Of course they have ways to go. “But what’s important is now we know, and you had not intended for us to never meet. Or was that it?” she asks, and Lykon blinks, eyes widening because of Quynh would never pull any punches, but it still hurts that it even crossed her mind.

“Oh please don’t think that,” he gasps out, shaking his head. Quynh nods then, and Lykon swears she looks relieved. Then her eyes flit over to the table and she yelps, throwing herself forward.

“Oh no, the ice cream is melting!” she exclaims, and sure enough, they are, and Lykon’s world, _his family_ , explodes around him, each of them scrambling for a bowl. All of them except Joe, who keeps holding his hand, who keeps squeezing it, and Lykon meets his eyes then.

Joe gives him a teary smile. “I’ll get it eventually,” he says, just like he had in the car, and Lykon sniffles, nodding. Because he knows of all of the struggles Joe is currently experiencing, coming home to him hiding him definitely didn’t help. And the fact that he continues to try, and continues to love Lykon either way makes him ache in ways that he may never understand.

But he’ll be ready, once his brother is fully home, and ready to talk to him, when he’s feeling fully himself. And whether that’s good or bad, he’s yet to decide, for a complete Joe is a full one, emotions and all.

Either way, he owed it to him to accept it, when it eventually happens.

“I know, Joe,” he whispers, and Joe smiles shakily. He feels a nudge and glances at Nicky who nods to him.

“Go to Yusuf, Lykon,” Nicky whispers, nudging a bowl towards him, another to Joe. Lykon nods and takes it then. Andy’s walking past him, an arm around Quynh as they walk back towards the living room, their own ice cream in hand.

He takes Joe by the hand then, and tugs him towards the same direction. “Come on, tiny sun,” he says, and smiles when Joe lets out a soft laugh, Nicky passing them, spoons in hand, to sit beside Andy.

“I want to hear that story,” Lykon hears him say, as he settles, and Lykon grins then, sitting beside Joe, and smiling when the man settles against his shoulder.

Quynh perks up then, grinning. “Story?” she asks, and Nicky nods.

“Why Yusuf is the tiny sun,” he asks, and Andy laughs then, and her smile is proud and happy, and she winks at Lykon and her eyes softening at the sight of Joe, before she starts the story.

Joe squeezes his hand again, and such a tall man has no business looking small, but that’s what it was, and Lykon’s heart aches for him. “I’ll get it eventually,” Lykon hears him say again and he nods, kissing his forehead. This right here is proof that he’s hurting from Lykon’s actions or non-actions, and he cannot blame him. Like Joe would never blame him for how he dealt with his sadness.

“I know Joe,” he whispers, and Joe sighs against him. It hurts to see his brother like this, and he knows that he’s had a hand in it.

“We love you, Lykon,” he mutters, and Lykon turns to him for a moment, and then glances at Nicky and Quynh, their full attention on Andy as she tells them the story of their childhood when they were mere toddlers, of their adventures together when they were so very little.

“Lykon taught Joe how to watch my back when he was only nine months old,” Andy says, and Lykon blinks, just as Nicky and Quynh nod seriously, like she had stated a fact that cannot be denied. And the feeling of foolishness and blessedness intertwines in his heart like no other. Because this could’ve been his life for ten years, if he wasn’t so afraid of what he might have felt, and allowed himself to feel instead.

Especially since he has a family that understands him.

“We love you,” Joe repeats, when he doesn’t answer fast enough, and Lykon nods, his tears silent, glancing at his brother who has his eyes closed, like he’s too tired to keep his eyes open, squeezing his hand again.

“I know, Joe. I know. I love you all too.”

Because he’d be a fool not to know, and not to love them back. And because they are all amazing, they may not think of it this way, but this is Lykon’s chance to make it right.

His eyes glide over to where Quynh’s settled between Andy and Nicky, stretching her legs out, and throwing it over Andy’s leg, and Andy responds by putting her hand on her knee. Then he looks at Nicky as Quynh cuddles against him, and finds him glancing at Joe once in a while, his eyes flashing with worry.

For he has no right to separate them any longer. For they fit, perfectly, as if destiny needed them to be.

Lykon’s so lucky to be able to call them his home.


	6. we take it from here, you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“No more secrets,” he says, nodding firmly then, and Quynh smiles._
> 
> _“Good, because I really like Andromache,” she says because she might as well get this over now._
> 
> _Lykon hums. “I know Q.”_
> 
> _Quynh smirks. “Yeah?” she asks, and grins when Lykon meets her with a cheeky smile._
> 
> _“Yeah, Quynh. I know you like Andromache.”_
> 
> _She laughs then, unbidden and finds herself sighing softly, running her hands through her hair. Lykon’s watching her now, and his eyes are shining._
> 
> _“Does she make your heart beat faster?” he asks, and Quynh is quick to shake her head. Because no, Andy doesn’t._
> 
> _What does Andy make her feel?  
> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for the patience.   
> I hope you're ready for the pining and falling in love to begin.

Before leaving that night, Joe had pulled Quynh and Lykon outside in the hall. Out of everyone, he had looked the most exhausted, and had already said goodbye to Nicky, who was talking to Andy in soft voices inside the apartment.

“Nicky’s probably going to hit postdrome tomorrow. Either that or another wave,” he said, and Quynh blinked. Lykon sighed, nodding.

“Postdrome. Like, migraine postdrome?” she asked, and Joe bit his lip, eyes widening a little. She put a hand on his elbow and squeezed.

“I won’t be angry. I just wish I knew. It’s a theme for us tonight, you know?” Quynh had said, and Lykon stiffened slightly beside her, but Joe laughed weakly and nodded, his shoulders slumping. Then he glanced at the door.

“Martyrdom behaviour is a theme as well,” he said, and Quynh snorted, glancing at Lykon who shook his head, his eyes flashing with some unknown emotion.

“You mean stubborn people who think they can live life in secret and keep people in the dark? Please tell me you’re not going to be another one?” she joked, and Joe met her with a tired, but still amazing bright smile. She’s known the man for less than a day and she can see that bright sun, even though it’s currently dim.

“I live my life fully, as best as I can,” he said, and Lykon smiled then, wrapping an arm around Joe’s shoulders and squeezing him.

“That he does,” he said, kissing his brother’s temple, like he’s so proud of him, and Quynh found herself loving it. She squeezed Joe’s arm again, and when he looked at her, she smiled.

“Thank you for looking after Nicky,” she whispered, because Nicky usually looked after people, not the other way around. And Joe leaned in and hugged her, squeezing her tight. She fell into the embrace gladly.

“And thank you for looking after my sister,” he said back to her, and when he pulled away, he’s smiling. “I haven’t seen her smile this much in a while.” 

Quynh had blinked, just in time for Andy to pop out of the door, giving her a smile as soon as their eyes had met. She walked over to her immediately and pulled Quynh in her arms.

“I will see you again. You have my number.” She did. They exchanged it, during dessert, after the tears. So, she nodded, and pulled away and watched as Andy then pulled her brothers into a tight hug, kissing Lykon’s forehead, and then Joe’s. Lykon moved to say goodbye to her then, and Quynh smiled.

“Be good to your siblings,” she said, and Lykon just squeezed her and kissed her forehead. She said her goodnights then, smiling as Andy looked back and winked at her.

Nicky had been waiting for her afterwards, and she wrapped her arms around him then.

“You’re not working tomorrow,” she stated and Nicky blinked, but then he just nodded, kissing her forehead then.

“As you wish, Quynh,” he said, and she squeezed him close, walking him to his bedroom. She made sure to tuck him into bed that night, refilling the diffuser so it runs for throughout, and stayed with him until he fell asleep.

She then dragged herself to the shower, and let the day wash over her. If she was honest with herself, there had been tears, mixing with the hot water, for the day overwhelmed her.

But when she went to sleep, it was still Andromache’s smile in her mind’s eye, and she found that even after everything, she didn’t really mind it at all.

“Q?”

Quynh blinks, and finds Lykon smiling at her, moving around their kitchen the day after. She took a half-day, and was glad to see Lykon already at their apartment, cooking. Just as Joe had predicted, Nicky’s out with another wave of his migraine, and sleeping in pitch dark in _her_ room this time, a pillow to his face, even though she has blackout curtains. Because Quynh found him in his room, buried under blankets and still moaning in pain.

Now all the times where Nicky just wanted to be alone and have “quiet time” had taken a whole new meaning to her. And yet he whispers that he’s fine, he’s okay. He’ll be alright. That he’s sorry for never mentioning it, that he swears they’ve been gone for a while and they don’t happen too often anymore. And the whole time he’s squeezing her hand tight, and smiling weakly with his eyes closed when she kissed his forehead.

It’s so Nicky, that Quynh can’t even bring herself to be annoyed. She just moved the diffuser to her room, refreshed the water and ran it for him.

“You okay?” Lykon continues, and she jumps off the counter then, walking over to stand beside him. She leans her head against his shoulder and sighs.

“Just thinking,” she mutters, before looking at Lykon, biting her lip.

What else does she not know? What else has been kept from her?

“No more secrets, Lykon? Please?” she asks, voice soft, before glancing behind her, at Nicky’s closed door. Then she sighs, taking a deep breath, her gaze to the floor. “I want to know what’s happening. I don’t like being kept in the dark. Don’t leave me in the dark.”

She hates it so much.

Lykon moves then, and he’s wrapping his arms around Quynh, and she presses her face against his shoulder.

“I am so sorry, Quynh,” Lykon whispers, and she nods. Because she knows he’s sorry. So now he needs to know what she needs. It’s only fair.

“I know. I know you are. Just, no more, okay? And you’re ready, we can talk more about why…but for now. Are you happy? To have your brother and your sister back?” she asks, voice soft, looking up to catch him smiling.

Lykon squeezes her again before turning back to the food. It’s soup, made up of a clean broth with some basil. There’s meat waiting to top it on the side, if they choose too, just a little side of rare so it keeps cooking in the broth. It usually comes with noodles, but not this time, which will make it even lighter. It’s the quick version of the one that Quynh taught him how to make during university, that Nicky really likes. She made it for them when he wasn’t feeling well, or whenever any of them just needed that extra comfort. And now it seems to have become a staple whenever needed a little bit more love.

“I’m very happy,” Lykon says, stirring the soup now as it continues to simmer. “They always promised me they were going to come home, and when they did, a part of me didn’t really believe it, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. And a week and a half later, they’re still here.”

Quynh hums then, nodding softly. “It’s why you didn’t want to leave them,” she states and Lykon nods. He glances at her then and smiles. “I’m so happy that you met though,” he says, voice soft. “It was really…I don’t know why I did what I did.”

She doesn’t either, but she’s not about to form his words for her. Instead she puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it. “Take your time with it. We will talk, but it doesn’t’ have to be now. We’re okay, right? No more secrets?”

“No more secrets,” he says, nodding firmly then, and Quynh smiles.

“Good, because I really like Andromache,” she says because she might as well get this over now.

Lykon hums. “I know Q.”

Quynh smirks. “Yeah?” she asks, and grins when Lykon meets her with a cheeky smile.

“Yeah, Quynh. I know you _like_ Andromache.”

She laughs then, unbidden and finds herself sighing softly, running her hands through her hair. Lykon’s watching her now, and his eyes are shining.

“Does she make your heart beat faster?” he asks, and Quynh is quick to shake her head. Because no, Andy doesn’t.

What does Andy make her feel?

“She’s exciting and new, but there’s something more, I think. She’s…a force,” Quynh says, remembering her movements when they sparred for the first time, and she can’t help but think of the next time. It’s shouldn’t have been so easy to partner with someone new, but it was. To partner someone like that in Muay Thai, to trust them to them to give their all without hurting you, especially if they are skilled, usually comes from years of working together.

But in that one hour, it felt right and it felt _good._

“I kicked her in the gut and she asked me to do it again,” Quynh says with a sigh, smiling weakly as she remembers how Andy just _grinned_. Lykon snorts, before throwing his head back in laughter.

“Say that a little bit more dreamily, why don’t you?” he asks, tutting a little, as he smiles at her then, and Quynh just shrugs.

“I like her,” she says, simply, and Lykon nods again.

“She’s coming, after dropping Joe off.”

Quynh blinks then, tilting her head. “How come?” she asks, biting her lip. “And dropping him off?”

Lykon hums, and turns off the stove then, putting a lid on the soup with a sigh. Then he nods to Quynh as he goes to wash his hands, before leading her to the living room.

“Yeah, she’s dropping Joe off at his parents’ place. It’s the first time they’re going to see each other since they came back, and he’s going be there for a few days,” he starts, and Quynh watches as he hesitates.

“Is he alright?” she whispers. “He seemed exhausted, after everything.”

Lykon nods, smiling weakly. “Did they mention what he did?” he whispers, glancing towards Nicky’s bedroom, and Quynh nods quickly.

“He saves lives,” she says, simply, and Lykon smiles so brightly and his eyes shine, and he looks incredibly proud. It’s the same look that Andy had on her face when she talked about Lykon and Joe, too. The fact that they’re all so proud of each other is almost too endearing.

“That he does. He’s just adjusting…being back home Andy’s doing a bit better, but…I think she wants company. After always having someone for that long, I can see why, so she’s coming to see me, but I told her I’ll be here, I hope you don—”

“Of course not,” Quynh says, frowning. “You don’t have to ask. She’s your sister,” she says, shifting beside Lykon and hugging him now, smiling when he laughs, squeezing her in response.

“Helps that you like her, right?”

Quynh pulls away then, looking at him. She shakes her head a little, thinking of what he just said. Then, she sighs. “I think I would’ve been fine with it, whether or not I liked her. She’s your family, Lykon. And it’s clear she loves you.”

Lykon blinks rapidly then, and smiles. Quynh takes his hand and squeezes it, smiling now.

“What else does Andromache like, Lykon?” she asks then, and grins when Lykon giggles, wrapping an arm around her shoulders now.

“Are you going to court my big sister?” he asks, and Quynh’s back straighten, just a little bit, and she feels like her heart is sighing in a way that makes her feel complete.

“And if I am?” she asks, glancing at Lykon now, who just kisses her forehead with a grin.

“Then I am all for it.”

Quynh smiles so wide she feels like her face is going to split, and Lykon just laughs and kisses her hair, squeezing her close.

And as if the universe is working for her favour, there’s a knock at the front door. Lykon nudges her then. “That’s probably her,” he says, because who else would it be, and he’s already turning towards the stove again.

She makes her way to the door. And when she opens it, sure enough, Andy’s on the other side, a big box in her hands. And she was smiling, already as Quynh opened the door, but then when she sees Quynh, Andy’s smile turns into a grin and she swears that her heart was going to jump out of her chest.

“Quynh! You’re home already?” Andy asks, obviously surprised, and she opens the door in response, taking the box from her hands.

“I took a half day off. Hi Andromache,” she says, smiling when Andy pulls her in a sideways hugging, squeezing her around the middle, and she gladly leans into it. She pulls away then, and walks to the kitchen, trusting that Andy would close the door behind her.

Lykon looks up then and smiles at the sight of Andy, his eyes flicking to the box. “Oh dear sister,” he says with a fond, and knowing smile. Quynh hears a soft chuckle behind her as she brings the box to dining room table.

“What is this? Cake?” she asks, as Andy comes to stand beside her.

“Sweets. Joe’s parents gave them to me to bring back. They’re mostly almond sweets,” she says, smiling. “No allergies?”

Quynh shakes her head, watching as Lykon opens the box, and sure enough, there’s an assorted number of little sweets that are glistening with perfectly crystalized golden sugar. “These look amazing,” she whispers, glancing at Lykon who smiles, grabbing some plates from their cupboard.

“Andy loves anything sweet,” he says, and Quynh glances back at her to see her grabbing a piece from the box already, eating it in one bite. She looks absolutely satisfied, doing so, and Quynh grins.

“Good?” she asks, and Andy just throws her head back and sighs, and gives her a smile, nodding.

“It’s really nice, coming home.”

And Quynh is helpless, almost breathless with it, watching Andy as her eyes shine, glancing over to Lykon and just watching her brother with such a fond expression. It’s clear to her that Andy means what she says, and that she truly belongs back home now. Back home with Lykon and with Joe, and hopefully with her and Nicky too.

When Lykon sets the plates down, Andy works on piling sweets on it. And there are four tiny plates, she notices then.

“I think Nicky would like this one,” Andy says, as she stacks some in one. “And Quynh you’d like this I think,” she continues, and Quynh finds herself blinking, looking at Lykon who shrugs, like this all makes sense.

They’re including Nicky, and he’s not even in the room, and while that shouldn’t shock her, it touches her heart in ways that’s almost inexplicable.

“That’s really kind of you, Andromache,” she whispers, sitting down next to her now, eyes on Andy’s hand as she moves to pile sweets on the plates.

Andy hums, glancing at her with a soft smile, then nudges her gently. Quynh can hear Lykon moving back to the stove, the knobs clicking on again, but she stares at Andy instead, leaning against her.

“Try them. Joe says hello, by the way. He says we can call him whenever we need him,” Andy says with a fond smile, though her eyes flash a little with something akin to worry. Quynh tilts her head then, and waits.

Eventually, Andy shrugs and pushes the plate of sweets that she prepared for Quynh closer to her. “Joe always offers his help and heart, but I told him we’ll be okay for two days.”

Quynh hums. “He’s worried about Nicky.”

Andy smiles softly and nods.

“He called it. He’s out right now, sleeping,” Quynh mutters, glancing at her bedroom door. “It’s pitch dark in there, and he still has a pillow on his face, I think.”

Andy shakes her head. “I can only imagine. I told him we’ll take care of his little crush,” she says, and Quynh grins then, just as Lykon snorts.

“I wouldn’t call his crush little,” he calls from the stove, glancing back at them with a smile. “Joe’s enamoured with him, isn’t he?”

Quynh presses her index finger and thumb together and squeezes, holding it in front of her face and squinting. “Oh so little,” she says and Andy grins.

And honestly, she can watch her face all day if she looks like that. But instead, Quynh looks at the sweets in front of her and takes one, biting it in half. It’s as sweet as it looks, and it tastes of almonds as promised. The sugar melts, immediately as soon as it touches her tongue and she hums happily, sighing.

“Oh, that’s really good,” she whispers, and Andy responds with a smile, taking another from her own plate and popping the whole thing in her mouth. And it should be unfair how graceful she looks while doing so.

“There you are.”

Quynh blinks, and turns to find Lykon setting two bowls of soup in front of them. “I’ll bring some for Nicky, and eat with him,” he says, and Quynh smiles softly, pulling the bowl closer to her, and finds Andy doing the same.

“Thanks Lykon,” Andy whispers, already eating a spoonful of the broth and the meat, and humming at the taste. She seems so appreciative of everything, and it’s nice, to see her like this. Lykon mutters a soft welcome from the stove as he prepares his and Nicky’s soup.

“Be good now!” he says with a smile after, tray in hand with bowls of soup and some bread that Quynh didn’t even notice but she’s sure he picked up just for Nicky. The plate of sweets that Andy prepared for Nicky’s also on the tray.

“I’m always good, Lykon,” she bites back, smiling when it ears her a soft laugh. She listens for the knock then, the soft “Hey Nicky?” and then the sound of the door opening slowly, and eventually closing. When the door doesn’t open again, she finds herself digging her spoon in her soup and finally taking a bite.

It tastes just as good as the last time Lykon made it, if not better. A great enough contrast from the sweet she just tried, but it melts her insides in the best of ways. She hears Andy eating beside her, and when she glances at her, she finds herself blinking at Andy staring at her.

“Good?” Andy whispers, smiling softly, and Quynh nods, gulping down her bite and looking down.

It should be awkward, and maybe it kind of is. Sitting with a stranger that she fully admitted to liking _a lot_. To the point that it’s obvious to Lykon, and maybe, even to Andy.

But she finds that it’s not. Just like how comfortable she was with Andy after class, getting food, sitting with her, talking to her, she feels just as happy, sitting with her here, eating her soup, knowing that this woman likes it as much as she does.

“This is a lot quieter than our first date.”

Quynh blinks, slowly looking up at Andy, whose holding her bowl up now, trying to get every last possible bite. When she sees Quynh looking, she nods to the stove behind her. “May I have some more?” she asks, already standing up, and Quynh nods, mouth dropping open.

“Of course—then you can tell me about our first date,” she says, blinking rapidly now. Andy laughs weakly, looking back at her.

“Mauy Thai! Kru, come on, did you forget?”

And Quynh snorts, taking her bowl and finishing it, standing just as Andy walks back to her spot to get her own second fill.

“My students barely call me Kru,” she says, and Andy shrugs.

“It’s all about respect. I know skill when I see it. Anyone who can clinch and take down the way you do is worth the title,” Quynh hears behind her, and she can’t help but smile. She’s heard it before, from other coaches, and the ones in her school, the ones who _know_ her, know that she’s not to be messed with. Others on the outside though, especially men, say it with just a _little_ bit of derision. And honestly, Quynh thrives on it.

But she’ll trade it all to have Andy say these things to her. “Thank you,” she says, topping up her bowl and walking back to her seat.

As soon as she settles, Andy shifts closer, and smiles at her. “But you’re not just a teacher there, hm?” she asks, and Quynh shakes her head. No, she definitely isn’t.

“It’s a downtime passion. I’m in the arts,” she says, smiling softly. “I’m the director at the university art gallery,” she adds.

Andy whistle, smiling. “Good gig?”

Quynh laughs. “Very.” She loves her job after all.

“And very suit and tie?” she asks, and Quynh raises an eyebrow then, and smirks at Andy.

“I don’t know about that, but I look _very_ good in a suit and tie,” she replies, because she does, and Andy smiles then, a blissful look on her face.

“Next date?” she asks, and Quynh moves her bowl so that it clinks lightly against Andy’s, and smiles. “I’ll meet you at your work, and we can go from there?”

Is there such a thing as loving someone for being so forward? Because if there is, then that’s her. She’s all for it.

“Next date, Andromache,” she says, laughing when Andy responds by bouncing once on her seat, and kissing her forehead.

“Looking forward to it.”

Quynh grins then, bringing the bowl to her lips to sip some broth before humming.

“Actually, doesn’t this count as one?” she asks, and Andy’s eyes widen a little bit then, and she laughs softly.

“You know what, why not?” she asks, before smiling, tilting her head, and Quynh is glad that she took that chance.

“So what do you think about swords,” she hears after and honestly, this woman. This woman is _it._

Because Quynh just finds herself throwing her head back and laughing, because of course, that’s a question. And when she says that she _loves_ them, Andy just gives her an equally bright smile that she almost wants to compare her to the sun. Or a planet, or a star. A constellation or galaxy. And as she keeps talking, Quynh falls for her more and more.

In the next hour or so, with soup between them and in soft voices, and gentle glances, Quynh learns about Andromache, and in turn, Andromache learns about her.

“I’ve never had family,” she says, voice soft, taking in Andy’s expression as the woman blinks. “Until Nicky and Lykon. I was alone for a really long time, before them.”

Andy reaches over and takes her hand, squeezing it, and Quynh responds by leaning her forehead against Andy’s shoulder, bumping it gently, smiling when she hears her laugh.

“Don’t be sad for me,” Quynh says, before she can say anything else. “It’s not a sad story. I have them now.”

Andy shifts in her seat then, and nods. “I’m not. But that includes us now, right? Myself and Joe?” she says, and Quynh smiles weakly.

“Even after only a day?” she asks, because she might be falling for this woman, but she is also realistic. The day before may have been filled and fulfilling, but she lives in the real world.

And Andy just smiles, and tugs on her hand, smiling. “Does this feel right?”

Quynh blinks, staring right back at her and nods, confident in the answer, warmth rising from her chest, to her neck, to her cheeks. When Andy’s smile widens to a grin.

“Then we take it from here,” she says with such an admirable amount of confidence, and bluntness that she adores. And if she can be forward, then she can be to.

“You and me, huh?” she asks, and Andy continues to grin.

“Until the end.”

And only a fool would not run with it, as bold as the statement is. Quynh finds herself nodding as she looks at her empty bowl of soup, and her half-done sweets, while Andy’s sweets plate lay empty, and have been for a while, as they spoke. The words settle in her heart and she finds that she likes the feeling of it.

She hears a door opening then, and looks behind her to find Lykon walking out from Nicky’s room, his arm around Nicky’s shoulders, wrapped in Quynh’s duvet.

“Look who’s feeling a little better,” Lykon says, holding the tray in one hand, and Nicky gives them his barely-there smile, holding the tiny plate of sweets that no longer had any sweets on them. Andy’s eyes zero in immediately and she smiles.

“You liked the sweets, Nicky?” she asks, and Quynh smiles when Nicky nods, already walking towards the box.

“Lykon says there’s more,” he mutters, and Andy’s already moving and opening the box with him, piling more on the plate.

Quynh takes the moment to clear their bowls then, moving with Lykon to the sink.

“I think he’s a little disappointed that Joe isn’t here,” Lykon whispers to her as soon as she starts to faucet, and Quynh can’t help but smile, glancing back at Andy and Nicky who are now sitting together on the table, before looking back at Lykon.

“He really likes him, huh?” she whispers, and Lykon just shrugs.

“Just like you and Andy,” he whispers. “Either way, I’m all for it. Anything to make you all happy,” he says, before pausing. “I owe you all that much.”  
  
Quynh shakes her head fiercely then, bumping her forehead against Lykon’s shoulder. “None of that,” she hisses. “We move on from there, and there is no guilt required, at least not with me,” she says, looking into his eyes then. “Please?”

Lykon stares at her then, and he nods, weakly. “I promise to try,” he says, and Quynh can only, truly, ask for that, so she nods.

By the time they get back to Andy and Nicky, they’re both hovering over Andy’s phone, and Quynh stands behind them then, wrapping her arms around Nicky’s shoulders, and smiling when Nicky leans into her.

“What are you looking at?” Lykon asks as he grabs a seat and settles behind Andy then.

“Joe’s Baba just sent a photo,” Andy says, glancing at Nicky, and when Quynh pulls away to look at Nicky’s face then, he’s staring at Andy’s phone with soft eyes, like he’s about to melt. And when Quynh looks at the phone, she can totally understand why.

It’s a photo of Joe with an older woman who Quynh can only guess is his mother. She’s sitting with her back against the couch, smiling while Joe lays in her arms, clearly asleep, her hand in his curls, and the other pulling him close. He looks utterly content in his sleep, even though he looks a little pale.

“Mama looks happy,” Lykon whispers beside her, and Quynh nods.

“So does Joe,” she whispers, glancing at Andy who nods shakily, and when Quynh moves to look at Nicky, he seems to be nodding as well, but he doesn’t say a word, his eyes still on the photo. Andy sees him then and smiles.

“Day after tomorrow, Nicky. He’ll be back then, okay?” she says, and Nicky turns to Andy then, and nods.

“We’ll be here,” he says, and Quynh can’t help but smile, her heart warming. Because Nicky is so confident in them, being there for Joe, and by extension, Andy. And it’s clear that Andy got it too, because she blinks, glancing at Quynh then, before smiling softly at Nicky.

“You won’t get rid of us now, I don’t think,” she says, and when Lykon laughs weakly, and Nicky nods in agreement, Quynh can’t help and think that this all makes sense, especially when Andy winks at her and her heart soars while her soul sighs.

Until the end, indeed.


	7. dear happiness, it's my turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You like him,” she whispers._
> 
> _Joe just smiles, and nods. “He does my heart well,” he says, so simply, and yet, so fully._
> 
> _Then she remembers what her uncle said and smiles weakly. A like, or love, that does the heart well. That gives a chance for one to take care of themselves._
> 
> _She thinks of this kind of feeling, and sees Quynh in her mind’s eye._
> 
> _Just like she knows that Joe sees Nicky in his._
> 
> _Andy smiles. “I think I know how that feels like, Joe,” she whispers, and Joe tilts his head in question, but something in his eyes flash knowingly._  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lateness! Even with everything prepped...life gets in the way. Thank you for the patience!

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get him?”

Andy hums, looking at Lykon as they walk back to her apartment for the night. Lykon finished work early, and Andy had taken him out to dinner. Quynh and Nicky were having a duvet night in. Which, apparently, involved them sitting in the dark, watching movies on Quynh’s laptop, judging by the selfies she received that showed Quynh grinning happily at the camera while Nicky peaked out from under a blanket, revealing one eye and a part of his nose.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she says, eventually, and watches as Lykon tilts his head in question.

“What do you mean?”

What does she mean, really? Why did she say what she just did?

Andy pauses on the sidewalk, and looks around. Her new apartment is by a park, which is great because now they’re crossing that said park. So she nods towards a bench, and goes to sit there. Lykon follows here without protest.

“Andromache?” Lykon asks as he sits beside her, and she knows that he’s a little worried.

“He’s still trying to come home, Lykon. But being with his parents probably helped. If he’s more settled, then he’d be more comfortable,” she starts, and Lykon nods softly.

“These are all good things,” he says, and Andy nods as well. Because they are. They’re actually the ideal scenario really.

But a Joe that’s fully home means a complete Joe. A complete Joe that _feels_ , fully.

Not the Joe that she got to meet after what happened, just before they left. The Joe that’s currently with them now.

“And he’s hurt,” Andy whispers, and Lykon pauses then, eyes flashing with realization. He gulps, and nods.

“It’s going to have to happen sometime,” Lykon whispers. “I know that if he yells at me, it’s only because he loves me.”

Andy gulps, remembering how Joe looked when he asked her if they could go home, see Lykon. How haunted and desperate he looked, and how his idea of comfort, of home, was Lykon.

That’s why she knows that Joe is hurting more than he’s allowing anyone to see.

“Very much,” she mutters. “He loves you very much.”

Lykon blinks then, and she watches as he hunches over, his elbows going on his knees a he puts his head in his hands. His eyes are closing, like grief is overtaking him, and she doesn’t want to hurt him. But she needs him to understand what she’s trying to say.

“You came home because something happened, didn’t you?” Lykon asks softly, and Andy gulps, leaning back on the bench.

“Yes. But it’s not mine to tell. It’ll never be mine to tell,” she whispers, and tries, tries so hard to not think of that difficult week, of that night. Of the week that followed before Joe asked to see Lykon. In a span of a week, Joe was _done_ , and it took him another week to ask to come home.

It may have been the hardest time in Andy’s life that past ten years, if she were to be honest. She’s never seen Joe feel that strongly in his guilt, even though he had no business feeling it.

“But I was tired, too,” Andy whispers, voice soft, because she was. “I was so tired too, and I also wanted to come home. I just didn’t expect him to crack first,” she admits.

Because it’s true. With his big heart and generous soul, she didn’t think that Joe could ever be done. And he still might not be. He might just need a pause. For how long, only time would tell.

“Is he alright?” Lykon whispers, and Andy sighs. She wants to say yes, he is, but she knows he’s not. She knows that for a fact. And that’s terrifying.

But she also knows Joe’s strength. Once he understands that he did nothing wrong, she has no doubt that he’ll be fine.

“He’s Joe. He’ll always be alright. But he’s hurting, Lykon. Before we even got home, he was already hurting and…” she stops, trailing off.

Lykon’s breath hitches and she sees his shoulders starting to shake.

“And he came home and found out that I did this to you both,” he whispers, looking up now and Andy hates the look on his face. She shifts over, and wraps her arms around him, and he goes to her, squeezes her tight and she just holds him.

Andy kisses his forehead as he lets out a soft moan. “How are you not upset with me, Andromache?” he whispers, and Andy gulps.

“I am. At least, I think I am because I think I should be. But I understand it, as well. We left you behind, and we hurt you,” she whispers, squeezing him, and Lykon gulps.

“I should have said something,” he mutters, and while Andy wants to agree, she knows that if given the choice to say anything to her brothers of her pain, or to hide it away until she no longer feels it, she’d probably choose the latter.

“Not everyone can say what they’re feeling as easily, no matter how good or bad it is,” she says, instead, and Lykon nods, shakily.

“I wish I could. I wish I could be like Joe. But I couldn’t, I was so scared to feel it. I didn’t want to be angry at you, I love you both so much,” he says, pulling away so he can look at Andy, and Andy gives him a wry smile, putting her hand at the back of his neck and squeezing.

“Truly?” she asks, because she wouldn’t be surprised if he no longer did, after he had been so clearly hurt.

“Love us, you mean?” Andy continues and she hates how she can hear the pain choke in her own voice.

And Lykon’s eyes blink rapidly at her words, sniffling.

“Of course Andy. I…of _course_ ,” he whimpers, and Andy nods then, wanting to reassure.

“Alright, it’s alright. I believe you,” she finds herself saying, and the ease she feels in her chest tells her that she believes it. Somehow, she believes it, because Lykon sits with her then, telling her so, and she has to put weight in that.

She has to trust that, because she loves her brother so much.

Lykon nods then, wiping at his eyes, and she smiles, looking at him, watching his face. “I missed you,” she whispers. She’s said it before, but she wants him to know it, again and again.

“I’ve missed you too,” he says, taking her hand with his free one and squeezing. Andy gulps.

“And I’m sorry, for leaving you behind.”

Lykon blinks slowly at the words, looking down.

“You had to look after Joe,” he whispers. “I understand.”

Andy shakes her head then, sighing. “But you’re my brother too, Lykon. You’re my brother too. And I should’ve looked after you, too.”

He sniffles at his words then, and he’s blinking rapidly, like he’s trying not to cry again. Andy gives him a sad smile. “I was supposed to watch your back, and I didn’t. I didn’t and I am so sorry, Lykon.”

She feels Lykon squeeze her hand, and watches as he starts to cry again, his shoulders shaking. And Andy shifts again, pulling him close again.

“And I’m sorry for never telling you about Quynh or Nicky,” Lykon whispers against her shoulder. “And I’m sorry for never telling them about you,” he adds.

Andy sighs. “I know. I know why you did it. I understand,” she says, kissing his temple. Lykon did what he thought was best for him, and his mind and his heart. Andy can never fault him for that forever.

Even though it hurt so much.

“But no more, please? I want to know about you, and that includes your life, and the important people in them. I don’t want you hiding anything else or anyone else. It hurts, Lykon. To know that you’ve been hidden like that,” she says, and her voice is shaking at the end.

“No more,” Lykon says, pulling away and this time, his hands frame her face, and she closes her eyes as she feels his kiss on her forehead. “I promise, Andy. I promise,” he says, and Andy clings to his words, nodding. She opens her eyes and smiles as their foreheads press together.

“And not just those. If we hurt you, if we are hurting you, you need to tell us. Like we would do the same for you,” Andy says, putting her hand at the back of his neck and pulling away to look into Lykon’s eyes. “You let yourself feel, you don’t hide, not from us, okay? Promise me you’ll try.”

Lykon gulps, nodding shakily. “I promise.”

And Andy believes him. She always will.

“Thank you,” she says, voice soft. “Let me pick up our little sun,” she says, taking both of his hands with hers now and squeezing it. “Give him time. He might be on his way back now, but not just yet. Trust me?” she asks, and Lykon smiles then.

“I trust you,” he says, and there’s a softness and lightness in his voice that makes Andy feel warm in ways that she can only ever associate to her brothers. A feeling that is hard to put into words, but it makes her feel safe.

Lykon tugs on her hand then, and stands, and she stands with him. When they start their walk back to her apartment, her feet are a little lighter and she finds herself skipping. Lykon bursts into laughter then, and skips with her.

And if they pass others as they go down the sidewalk, two grown people skipping their way home, she doesn’t mind. She’s back home, with her brother, and there ache is fading and she is happy.

So she’ll skip all she wants, and they can just deal with it.

***

Andy picks Joe up the next day.

“Be good, darlings,” Andy’s aunt say as she goes on her tiptoes, Andy bending down to meet her halfway and hugging her tight. She gets a kiss on her cheek and her forehead, and feels herself be squeezed into a hug.

“Always Auntie,” she whispers in her hair before pulling away. As soon as she does, she receives the same treatment from her uncle, who squeezes her against his side. 

“Thank you again,” he says to her, and Andy just shakes her head, wrapping an arm around the man’s shoulders, pulling him to the car, leaving Joe as he hugs his mom behind them.

“There’s really no need. He did good work,” she says, voice soft as she looks at the older man. “I’m very proud of him. And I’ll be at his side again, if he ever chooses to go back.”

  
There was never going to be a question on that. The question remains with Joe: does he want to go back?

Her uncle sighs, glancing back at his wife and son, before looking at Andy again. “You’ll never know with that boy…but he’s struggling. Being home,” he starts, before blinking, and there’s a sadness in the man’s eyes, and Andy can’t help the ache in her heart because Joe is a spitting image of his father.

Andy nods, because it’s clear that it’s bad enough, clear enough, that Joe’s unable to hide it from his parents. She can only wonder if he told them about Lykon?

“He mentions _ya amar_ ,” her uncle says, and Andy blinks. _Ya amar?_

“His moon?” she whispers, and the man smiles, nodding weakly. He looks happy, glancing back to his wife and his son, before looking at Andy again.

“Nicolò?” he says, and Andy can’t help but grin.

“He told you already? They had just met,” she says, and the man just squeezes her, kissing her forehead.

“When you know, time does not matter. Only what the other soul makes you feel. And if the soul sings, and the heart craves, then you must go for it,” he says, and he is just as romantic and poetic as his son. It’s clear that they hold the same heart, and blesses everyone that they touch with it.

And she knows all of this, because Uncle had said it to her before. And hearing them now, hearing these words again, just makes her think of Quynh and it’s _perfect_.

To have the same for Joe when it comes to Nicky would be a dream.

“I think Nicolò is going to make him happy,” Andy finds herself saying, like a wish that her heart is making, that her soul wants to be true. Because her brother deserves happiness. She gets a smile from her uncle then.

“And Quynh?” he asks, and Andy blinks. The man just tilts his head. Of course Joe would mention Quynh.

“Andromache, you’ve looked after Joe for the last ten years. It’s time to look after yourself,” he says, and there’s tears in her eyes almost immediately, and she’s not really sure why.

Except maybe, she does.

“Did he tell you about Lykon?” she asks, and her voice is small even to her own ears, breaking. Because Quynh is fine, she’s already on it, going after her, trying to be hers. But Lykon…is different. Not really for her, but more Joe, and that’s what makes her heart ache. The man’s eyes grow sad for a moment, and he nods a little.

“That boy…” he says, taking a deep breath. “He visited us, you know? All the time. Not once did we know of them either. To know he was hurting this much, that he felt this alone.”

“Don’t feel bad, Uncle,” Andy finds herself saying, and the man just smiles.

“Only because Mama’s not happy to find this out, you know?” he says, and Andy laughs weakly then.

“Oh Mama’s gonna cut him off sweets, isn’t he?” she asks, and her uncle just grins. She glances at the driver’s seat and sees a new box of sweets sitting there for them to bring home.

“For a year. Our little habibi bargained for three months. Now it’s down to six months,” he says, and Andy shakes her head, glancing at where Joe is with his mom, and finds them walking over now. Then he pauses, sighing. “Yusuf is really hurt. He said he told you he wanted to come home to his brother…”

Andy blinks rapidly then, and sniffles. “I know…but.”

She pauses, taking a deep breath and taking her uncle’s hand, squeezing gently.

“I think they’ll be okay, Uncle. I’ll make sure,” she says, because she knows that Lykon loves Joe, as much as Joe loves Lykon. Uncle hugs her again then, and pulls away.

“I know. But what I truly want for you, dear child, is for you to go for it as well. Remember, Andromache: take care of yourself, like you cared for our Yusuf,” he says, pulling away, just as Joe gets there, and Andy smiles, hear heart pounding in her chest, but she’s laughing unbidden, when Joe grabs her into a bear hug, lifting her off her feet.

“Missed you, sister.”

Andy closes her eyes and buries her face in Joe’s neck, her uncle’s words echoing in her mind. Their thankfulness and their love and care for her, she’ll forever hold it close in her heart.

“I missed you, too.”

They get into a car after a few more hugs and a few more waves and promises of visits. And Andy gives her affirmations and love, knowing that all her words are a promise that she will fulfill.

They get on the road.

And the drive is quiet.

At first.

Joe slumps against passenger seat, eyes ahead. Then, he takes a deep breath, and Andy grips the steering wheel tight.

“I woke up Mama with my nightmares.”

Andy’s breath hitches. Nightmares. He used to have them when they first started. It was part of the whole thing. They did a hard job that made them witness horrific things. Nightmares were part of the job description.

But when he started having them after that night, that week. Just before they left, Andy knew then that it had been different. So different, and it scared her. Because before, he never said it aloud, but it was clear he was having them, because Joe never woke up before her. That became like a tell, that he was having them.

This last time though, it was different. Joe had woken up screaming. And he clung to Andy as soon as he recognized her. And she sat with him, and calmed him down until he slept again.

A week later, they were making their way home.

“I’m sure Auntie didn’t mind,” she says, voice soft, and Joe lets out a shaky, heartbroken laugh.

“She held me. She didn’t understand why I was living alone now. She wanted me to come back home,” he says, and Andy shakes her head.

“You can. Or I can live with you. Joe, you don’t have to be alone,” she says, and Joe smiles weakly, and he’s looking at her now, so Andy glances at him for a moment. He looks so sad, but yet he still smiles.

“I told Mama I wasn’t alone. I told her that you’re there for me. You’d be there, if I ever call. Like you always have been,” he says with such confidence that she doesn’t feel worthy of it. But it is fact.

“Like I have always been,” she responds, smiling. Then, after a beat, she shoots her shot.

“And so is Lykon.”

She glances at Joe then, and finds him staring at her, eyes widening for a second, before he’s leaning his head back against the seat. Then, he nods, tightly.

  
“I know,” he says, and Andy just knows he’s lying. After years of knowing him, after ten years of having no one but him, she can tell.

And Joe’s _lying_ to her face.

“He is, Joe.”

“I know.” And he doesn’t. She can hear it.

“Yusuf.”

“Andromache, stop,” Joe says then, and his voice is breaking, strained. “Please.”

Andy blinks rapidly, looking ahead at the road, and she feels like she should pull over, be responsible and talk this out. Then she hears a sniffle, and gulps, nodding. Because Joe loves Lykon, she knows that, but there’s a difference, they know that most intimately right now.

“You’ll believe it, one day. You’ll say those words and you’ll believe it,” she says, unable to stop herself, because she refuses to live in a world where her brothers do not understand each other like this. Where one hurts and thinks the other doesn’t care. She refuses.

“I know. I just need more time,” Joe whispers, and his tone is different, sad and terrified and soft. But she doesn’t know _how_ she knows, but he’s not lying this time, and that brings enough relief to her heart that she’s willing to let it go.

For now.

Andy drives the direction of her apartment instead of Joe’s. Her brother doesn’t complain. Andy carries Joe’s bag for him, and wraps an arm around him as they go up the stairs. She enters the apartment with her key, and smiles when Joe kicks off his shoes and goes straight to the kitchen.

“Coffee?” she calls, and Joe just hums in response. She keeps an ibrik in her own kitchen, and he knows exactly where it is. She goes to her room, and drop’s Joe’s back inside, before closing it behind her.

The smell of coffee is already began wafting from the kitchen, and soon, Joe’s walking to the living room with two cups. He places it over to the coffee table and sits beside her. She leans against him and smiles when he pulls her close.

“How was the last two days?” he asks, voice soft. Andy thinks, and smiles.

“I saw them. Lykon. Quynh, and Nicky,” she says, and Joe lets out a soft noise.

“How are they?” he whispers, and she takes his hand, squeezing it. It’s shaking, just a little.

“They’re great. Nicky says we’re having some dinner tonight with them,” she says, looking at him now. “He’s very excited to see you, you know?”

And Joe smiles, and it’s small, but it’s there and even then, it’s iridescent.

“I am very excited to see him too,” he says, sighing. “He feels right, Andy,” he adds, after a moment. Andy squeezes his hand.

“Then I am happy for you.”

Joe laughs softly, and he looks deep in thought, but not so sad anymore. It’s in moments like these that she admires her brother so much.

He feels so much, so he hurts just much or more. And yet there is room in his kind heart, for new loves and life, and he continues to try to live openly, regardless of the hurt. Even when he’s struggling, he’s letting Nicky into his life, and allowing himself to go for it. It’s a courage she wants to grasp for herself.

“You like him,” she whispers.

Joe just smiles, and nods. “He does my heart well,” he says, so simply, and yet, so fully.

Then she remembers what her uncle said and smiles weakly. A like, or love, that does the heart well. That gives a chance for one to take care of themselves.

She thinks of this kind of feeling, and sees Quynh in her mind’s eye.

Just like she knows that Joe sees Nicky in his.

Andy smiles. “I think I know how that feels like, Joe,” she whispers, and Joe tilts his head in question, but something in his eyes flash knowingly.

“Do you, sister?” he asks, and she smiles, nodding. To Joe. To herself. To the universe. She thinks of her uncle’s words. Of allowing herself to be happy.

“Yes. I believe I do.”

***

“Andromache!”

Quynh’s in her arms as soon as she walks into the door, and she catches her, and falls back against Joe who catches them both. Thankfully, her hands are empty, due to strict warnings not to bring anything, as per Nicky’s request. And she already finds that she can’t say no to him.

“Hello Quynh,” Andy says, squeezing her, stepping back and causing Joe to stumble back into the hallway.

“Am I not welcome?” Joe mutters behind her, and he’s joking. Mostly. “Please let me in, I promise I’ll be polite,” he continues and Andy rolls her eyes.

“Q, pull, don’t push!” Lykon says and Andy looks up to find Lykon shaking his head at the hallway, Nicky already moving past him, and he’s looking past Andy, before gently putting his hand on Quynh’s shoulder.

“Quynh, please let our guests in,” he says, voice soft, and Quynh nods, and her hold around Andy, is not leaving, but she does start pulling Andy into the apartment, grinning when Lykon kisses her forehead as she passes by.

“Hi sister,” Lykon calls, and Andy laughs, looking down at Quynh as soon as she stops pulling, kissing her hair.

“Missed me?” she whispers, and Quynh nods against her chest, before looking up behind her.

“But I think Nicky and Joe missed each other more,” she says, and Andy turns to find Joe standing with his back against the door, looking at Nicky, both of the man’s hands in his, squeezing. They’re speaking in such low tones, but they’re both flushed and happy and that’s a win in Andy’s books.

Then Joe pulls away from Nicky and walks over to Lykon, who smiles at him.

“Hi brother,” Lykon says, voice soft, and it’s unsure. They can all hear it, Quynh stiffening a little in her arms. But then Joe wraps his arms around him, and squeezes him. He holds Lykon a little, and it’s clear he’s whispering something. Nicky looks at them for a moment, and then squeezes both of their shoulders, before walking away.

Andy looks away then, and focuses at Quynh instead, who’s taking her hand and tugging it towards the kitchen.

“Nicky made food. He’s been cooking the whole day!” she says, and Andy smiles, and finds Nicky behind her then, who smiles at her.

“Hello Andy,” Nicky says, voice soft, and Andy lets go of Quynh then.

“Hi Nicky,” she says, and the man smiles at her, and puts a tiny plate of what looks like little cookies in front of her. It smells sweet, and of almonds.

“It’s meringue and almonds,” he whispers, nodding. “Try one—not you Quynh, you ate a whole tray already,” he says, as Quynh starts grab for one, and Andy’s impressed that she actually stops, and pouts instead.

“Aw man, it was _half_ a tray,” she says, and Andy snorts, grabbing one of the sweets and popping it in her mouth. The crunch is so satisfying as she bites it, and it’s just the right amount of sweetness that she adores.

“More please,” she says, humming happily around the sweet, and Nicky gives her a smile, and then the plate. Quynh blinks, and looks at Andy then, and she finds herself handing her one, as Nicky sighs.

“Quynh…”

“She offered!” Quynh exclaims with a smile, her eyes shining, already skipping away from the kitchen. Nicky is smiling as he looks after her, then nods to Andy.

“Go ahead, dinner will be out soon,” he says, and Andy moves as directed, going to the dining room to find Lykon and Joe sitting beside each other, with Quynh at the head of the table. She sits across Lykon, beside Quynh, and slides her plate of sweets towards Joe, across the table.

“Nicky made it,” she says, and smiles when Joe immediately grabs a piece to try, eyes widening, grabbing another piece already before he even swallows the first one.

“S’good!”

Lykon laughs then. “He’s already packed some for you and for Andy to bring home,” he says, and Andy blinks, just as Joe looks at Lykon then, and then at Quynh.

“Really?” Joe asks, voice soft, glancing at the entrance of the kitchen, where they can all hear Nicky moving around.

“Yeah,” Quynh says, and her hand is moving towards Andy’s, and she meets her half way. “That’s just who Nicky is,” she says, and Lykon smiles, nodding.

“It’s very kind of him,” Andy says, and Quynh’s squeezing her hand then.

“It is,” she says, voice soft. “He takes care of us, and we take care of him,” she adds, and Joe is nodding fiercely at her words, and Andy is as well.

“All of us,” she says, and she moves closer to Quynh then, and smiles when she meets her half way, and it feels like happiness settling in her heart, when she feels a kiss on her cheek, and sees her brothers smiling at her.

Dinner ends up being amazing, fully prepared by Nicky, in anticipation of Joe returning back to them.

“I helped! Taste testing!” Quynh says, as the start to tuck in, while Lykon snorts, grinning.

“And I cleaned the pans! And passed the seasoning!” he adds, and Joe laughs then, Andy shaking her head as Nicky just stares at all of them with a soft smile.

“It’s an amazing dinner, Nicky,” she says, raising her glass of wine, and Joe grins, reaching across the table to squeeze Nicky’s hand.

“Thank you, Nicolò,” he says, and they all watch as Nicky’s smile grows, and Andy can say that it can be just as blinding as Joe’s on any given day. It’s just that it’s rare, and they are blessed to see it.

When Joe and Nicky declare that they’re going to do dishes while Lykon dries afterwards, Andy and Quynh settle on the couch together with a plate of the cookies that Nicky made.

Her hand is in Quynh’s, and on her lap as well, while Quynh sprawls over Andy’s lap, draping her whole body over hers. And it warms her in so many different ways that she adores and craves.

“I really like you, Andromache,” she hears Quynh say, and when she looks at her, she finds her looking at her with wide eyes, a small smile on her face. And Andy smiles back at her, leaning in and kissing her hair, and then her nose.

Quynh giggles and it’s a glorious sound.

“I really like you too,” she says, and she means it so, with all the conviction she can carry in one sentence. She squeezes Quynh’s hand and leans her head against hers, watching as their hands move together, fingers intertwining now.

“Good. This is good,” she hears, and Andy thinks of her uncle’s words, and she feels her soul whisper to her: yes, this is it. This makes sense.

She exhales and melts against Quynh, pressing a kiss in her hair.

“It’s perfect.”


	8. with you, i'm finding my way home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _At first, Joe hears blinding noise in the dark, but he squeezes his eyes tight and tries to focus. It’s almost always like this, every morning. And usually, he deals with it alone. And like always, soon enough it fades, and he focuses on what grounds him._
> 
> _His mother’s face flashes first, like it always does. Mama. Then Baba. Then Andy. Then Lykon._
> 
> _A tinge of pain comes to his chest, when he sees Lykon now, but he’s so glad to see his face. There’s pain there, yes, but he’s knows himself enough that it’ll be there until he gets a chance to actually say what he wants to say. For he knows he’s failed his brother too. And he needs to address it. He just needs to come home first, to be fully home first._
> 
> _Joe has to make a concerted effort to put the thought away, and continues to focus. And as he does, he sees Quynh, and she’s new._
> 
> _But welcomed. Definitely welcomed._
> 
> _When Nicolò comes to mind as soon as Quynh’s image disappears, Joe feels his breath hitch for a moment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the patience on this one! This is the longest chapter to date. Please see the tags, especially the PTSD tag.

“You guys should sleep over,” Quynh calls, holding Andy’s hand as the night comes to a close. Joe’s heart stutters in his chest at the suggestion and he turns to look at Andy, blinking when his sister’s already looking at him.

“Next time, promise,” Andy says instead, her voice soft and earnest, looking away from Joe to turn back to Quynh and kissing her forehead. “I want to give myself a fair chance to acclimate to my new apartment,” she adds and Joe’s so grateful then.

When they finally say their goodbyes, Nicolò tugs on his hands and pulls him close into an embrace, and Joe finds himself falling, in every sense of the word. “Come see me tomorrow?” he hears him whisper in his ear, and Joe nods immediately, pulling away.

“What time are you done?” he asks in response, and feels like he’s melting at the way Nicolò smiles in response.

“4PM.”

“Then I’ll pick you up, text me the address,” he starts, and laughs softly when Nicolò immediately takes his phone out at that very moment, to finish that task right away. The feeling of his own phone vibrating as soon as Nicolò pockets his own afterwards was as good as a call to his heart.

“Good night, Nicolò,” Joe whispers, squeezing his hand before letting go, smiling as Nicolò tilts his head, smiling at him gently.

“Good night, Yusuf.”

Andy drives them home that night. She goes straight to her apartment instead of dropping him off. He doesn’t say anything.

Joe sends a wish out into the universe, hoping and wishing for a better night’s sleep. But like every night since that week, regardless of how good a day had been, he wakes up shocked, a scream cut off as soon as he realized he let it out.

And like every night, sans the one where he had spent it in his parents’ home, Andy is there with him.

“I’m here, Joe,” he hears, and looks up to find Andy, her hands out and hovering, her eyes flicking all over his face. She’s crouching in front of the couch, while he lays on his side, curled and facing her.

“Hi Andy,” he gasps out, and Andy gives him a smile then, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Let it out,” she whispers, and soon, he’s crying, and she blinks, likely in shock. Because he doesn’t cry. But as soon as his Mama saw him after a nightmare, and he had seen _her_ face, he had burst into tears when he was convinced that he had no tears left.

Andy moves then, and gently sits him up, pulling him close in her arms, and squeezing him. Her hand is in his curls, practiced and careful, kissing his forehead.

“You’re alright, you’re home. You’re home, Joe.”

Always so caring. Always taking care of Joe, like she had promised his parents. And she sounds so tired, clearly having been asleep. And she’s shaking, holding him like this, holding him together.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobs out, and Andy just shakes her head, squeezing him even more, and rocking him like he’s a child needing to be reared, needing to be cared for.

“There’s no need for apologies,” she says against his hair, words that she’s said to him before, again and again. “And there’s no need for guilt. You did what you could, Joe,” she gasps out, and Joe squeezes his eyes shut then. Because he wants to believe her. He realy wants to. But he doesn’t.

And he’s not sure if he ever will. “Andy, I’m sorry,” he whispers again, and this time, she shushes him, and presses another kiss in his hair.

“Rest. I’m here. Rest,” she whispers, and Joe sniffles, nodding against her neck, shivering.

“I’m sorry.”

“Rest, Joe,” she repeats, and Andy sounds desperate then, so he tries, reaching for her hand, and letter her touch ground him, keep him safe.

***

The next time Joe awakes, it’s from the grip of normal sleep. It’s rare enough that he’s thankful, groaning just a little when the bright sun blinds him a little bit because it’s already the middle of the day.

And already, he’s exhausted.

He lays still, for a moment and looks up at the ceiling. He’s in Andy’s bed now, because of course he is. He doesn’t remember how he fell asleep last night, but he knows, trusts, that Andy had been there keeping him safe.

When he sits up, he’s sore, and it takes everything in him to not flop back into bed and hide under the covers.

“Andy?” he calls, and his throat feels absolutely raw. It almost always does. Maybe he screamed during this nightmare, something new that came after that night, and it’s another thing that he wishes he didn’t bring back home.

“Just in the kitchen, Joe! You up for food?” he hears, and he swings his legs off the bed then, running a hand through his hair.

“Please,” he says, voice loud enough, he hopes. When he stands, the world tilts for a moment and he gulps, taking in a deep breath, and closing his eyes.

At first, Joe hears blinding noise in the dark, but he squeezes his eyes tight and tries to focus. It’s almost always like this, every morning. And usually, he deals with it alone. And like always, soon enough it fades, and he focuses on what grounds him.

His mother’s face flashes first, like it always does. Mama. Then Baba. Then Andy. Then Lykon.

A tinge of pain comes to his chest, when he sees Lykon now, but he’s so glad to see his face. There’s pain there, yes, but he’s knows himself enough that it’ll be there until he gets a chance to actually say what he wants to say. For he knows he’s failed his brother too. And he needs to address it. He just needs to come home first, to be fully home first.

Joe has to make a concerted effort to put the thought away, and continues to focus. And as he does, he sees Quynh, and she’s new.

But welcomed. Definitely welcomed. Quynh who is fierce, and makes his dearest Andy smile. And anyone who makes his sister smile, makes him so very happy.

When Nicolò comes to mind as soon as Quynh’s image disappears, Joe feels his breath hitch for a moment, but then, it’s also then that Joe feels himself exhale, the tension leaving his shoulders.

It’s been so long since he’s had new people come to mind when he focuses on grounding himself. Grounding himself on what’s important, of what eases his heart and calms his mind.

Of what he loves. It’s what Baba taught him, so long ago.

“Focus on what you love,” Baba had said, gentle and sweet, when Joe was only five years old and had only ever been Yusuf.

It was an early lesson, because Mama said he had a really big heart and really strong feelings.

“Like Mama? And Baba?” he had whined out, sniffling from tears that had barely faded. He couldn’t go to a cottage excursion with Lykon and Andy because he was ill with a fever and a cold. He had gotten so upset that he cried so hard until he made himself throw up. Then he started to think that they had planned it, that they just didn’t want him to come because he was still too little.

Of course, his parents would not have it.

Baba had smiled and nodded. “And your Aunties and Uncles. And Andy and Lykon,” he had said and Joe whimpered.

“I love them! But do they love me?” Joe cried out and Baba smiled, kissing his forehead.

“If you focus on love, and you call them to your mind’s eye, and you see them, then your heart knows that they love you too.”

He takes a deep breath. Thinks of Andy, Lykon. His parents. Then Quynh.

Nicolò.

To have such an early love for Quynh, for Nicolò, it can only be a blessing, because they’re already providing such a grounding thought, and presence.

“Focus on love,” he whispers to himself, and he stares at his hands, wills them to steady. Holds his words as he breathes in deeply, and exhales, in hopes that it pierces the air around him, to make him feel comforted by it.

Suddenly, there’s a loud bang in the kitchen and he flinches hard. Joe gets on his feet, and as soon as he does, Andy’s already there, eyes wide and apologetic.

“That was me!” she calls, giving him a weak smile. “Hand slipped. Pan on the floor,” she says, her hand out. “I’m sorry,” she adds, and Joe nods to her softly, knowing that she knows that he got startled.

It happens.

“Are your toes okay?” he says with a smile, and Andy laughs then, walking over and grabbing him in a hug. He probably looks like he needed one, so he doesn’t complain, just presses his face into her shoulder and squeezes her tight, closing his eyes.

He focuses on Andy, then. On the love he has for his sister.

“We have to go out for breakfast,” Andy mutters after a moment and Joe blinks his eyes open then and pulls away.

“Huh?”

  
“Pan wasn’t empty. Had all the eggs I had, and now the floor does too,” she says, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Go, get ready, we’ll go for food, and a walk. I think it’ll do your heart good. Getting out of the house.”

Yeah, he definitely doesn’t look great. That or she’s remembering last night, even though he can barely remember it.

Joe blinks, and nods softly. He might as well go with it. Plus… “Yeah. I’m…meant to see Nicolò this evening. I’m to pick him up from work,” he whispers, smiling, and Andy grins at the sight of it, as she walks towards the door.

“Perfect. I’ll be sure to get you home so you can freshen up first,” she says simply, and Joe laughs weakly then.

“Thank you, Andy,” he mutters, looking at her. “For being patient.” For everything.

She gives him a wink, her eyes bright.

“You’re welcome, Joe. You know I have you,” she says, voice soft as she leaves the room, and Joe smiles.

Because no matter how hard everything is right now, he can always count on his sister to pulling him back home.

***

True to form, Andy stays with him until he has to get Nicolò.

And Joe’s happy to let her do it.

As much as he wants to say that he’s alright living alone, like they had told Lykon when they first came back, Joe knows that it’ll take him awhile to be alright with being alone.

Because for the past ten years, he’s been anything but. Andy had been by his side for that entire time, and in the very _rare_ moments that she wasn’t, he was always surrounded by people. May it be the group that he was currently working with, or the patients he was currently helping.

“You spoil me,” Joe says, as the car stops in front of the registrar’s office at the university campus. Nicky’s building is a five-minute walk from there.

Andy shuts off the car and looks at him with a smile just as he turns to her.

“Have the best time,” she says, and Joe blinks, glancing back outside, and then back at her. He wants to have the best time.

“I’m sure I will,” he says in response, and smiles when Andy leans in to hug him. He squeezes her tight until she laughs, before trying to shove him out the door.

“Be safe,” he calls to her, and waves when she starts to drive away, staring after the car until it disappears from sight. Then he turns around and starts walking towards the direction of the building. He had looked at the campus map beforehand, putting his hands in his pockets and humming.

Joe had been so excited to see Nicolò. He even talked to his Mama and Baba about him, already. And he had felt foolish, as soon as he said the words, but his parents would not have it.

“There is no set timeline on when it’s _right_ , habibi. Things happen when they are _meant_ to happen,” Mama said to him, taking his hand and squeezing it, while Baba held him. He loved sitting with his parents before he left, so coming back and doing it like he had never stopped was overwhelming his heart for he had missed it so much.

“You have a big heart, Yusuf. And you know how to feel fully with it. Let it guide you,” Baba continued, and he nodded, and tried to keep the words in him as much as he could. Like he had many times with his parents advise. They had been the one to teach him, in a very early age when he would overwhelm himself with his own too big emotions, to focus something when it becomes too much.

“Focus on love,” Joe whispers to himself again, nodding softly, eyes ahead as he turns the last corner.

He’s so thankful for his Baba’s teachings. Because with it, he keeps his love ones in mind. Old and new. Quynh and Nicolò. Lykon.

Lykon. Even after everything, Lykon remains. Joe bites his lip, taking a deep breath.

He needs to sort it all out. Talk to his brother. Allow himself to feel.

But that’s for later.

When he gets to the building, Joe looks at the time, and sees that he’s a good ten minutes early that their agreed time just as he enters the building. It’s quiet, meaning classes are still in session.

Nicolò had texted that his last lesson had been on the main lecture room at the hall after the first left. He had just turned the corner when he hears heavy doors open ahead.

“Thanks for letting us out early, Professor!” a student exclaims as they hold the door open for the others behind them, and soon, the silent hallway is _very_ loud. He gulps, and stands to the side, to avoid getting ran over by very happy students, trying to focus on where he is, rather than the noise.

“He seems to be in a good mood,” he hears just as he starts to make his way to the open door again, other students talking amongst themselves. It seems that being let out early is a rarity.

“Maybe he has a date!”

“Aw, to be that lucky human!”

“Right? He’s _so_ sweet.”

Joe feels himself blush, and ducks his head down, smiling to himself. He does feel very lucky, and he does think that Nicolò is quite sweet. But he especially loves the fact that his students seem to like him a lot.

But he’s _just_ assuming that they’re talking about Nicolò.

It might be someone completely different.

“And hot. He’s so hot.”

“Those eyes, right?”

Oh, they have to be talking about Nicolò now.

Joe flushes even more, just as he gets to the door. And sure enough, when he looks in, Nicolò talking to a student from behind his desk, his full focus on them. He doesn’t look like he’s there to rush him off at any point, just moving around his desk and gathering his things as the student talks.

He finds himself watching the entire time, until a student bumps into him. The abruptness of it all makes him flinch and he throws himself to the door, wincing at the loud banging sound that it emits.

And suddenly, it’s too quiet, and he vaguely hears a familiar ringing at the back of his head and Joe gulps.

“Yusuf?”

Joe blinks, and turns to find Nicolò staring at him, and the student is forgetten. Especially since Nicolò’s already moving, crowding in and taking both of his hands in his, squeezing. His eyes are wide, and Joe can see that he’s watching him closely, eyes flickering as he takes in his expression.

And he just _knows_ that Nicolò can read him like an open book. He squeezes his hands gently, and doesn’t let go, because suddenly, he’s not afraid of falling back, and the ringing recedes completely.

“Hello, Nicolò,” he says, and smiles when he feels him tug on his hands, pulling him towards the classroom, and Joe does his best to ignore the students who were exiting the room, but were now hovering, watching.

“I can wait outsi—” he starts, but then Nicolò’s letting go, and Joe wants to chase him, and almost sighs in relief when he feels the hands moving to his shoulders, directing him to the seat behind the desk.

“Sit, I’m just finishing up,” Nicolò instructs with a firm nod, before he’s turning around and looking back at his student, who’s staring openly at Joe. And Joe stares back for a second, until he hears Nicolò.

“Continue, please,” he says, full attention back on his student now, who blinks, back straightening, breaking eye contact with Joe.

“Uh, we were done. You were just going to confirm when your next office hours were going to be?” the student asks, and Joe turns in the seat then, kicking his feet a little as he takes in the lecture hall. It’s been so long since he’s been within the walls of a school as a student. Seeing it from this angle too, is quite different.

He turns the chair slightly, and Joe freezes, blinking at what he finds. There were a number of students now, hovering by the door. Some are looking at Nicolò. Others are looking at him. When he catches them, he winks, and grins when he hears an audible squeak, and then what seems to be them scrambling.

“---yes, they’re resuming next week,” he hears Nicolò say, just as he turns around, and finds the student smiling and nodding as they got their answer, already walking backwards towards the door.

“Uh, okay cool! Thanks professor, and uh…hello and goodbye to you too!” the student says, waving his laptop at Joe, and he responds with a smile and wave to them, and the others at the door.

“Goodbye!” he calls, and grins when the students giggle, before walking out the room. Once they’re all gone, Joe spins the chair and blinks.

Nicolò’s in front of him immediately, and his hands are framing his face, gentle, and careful, and Joe blinks again.

“Nicolò?” he whispers, and he watches as the man frowns, eyes flickering all over his face.

“Are you alright, Yusuf?”

And his voice is soft, and Joe finds himself leaning into his touch, standing up then. And as he does, Nicolò’s hands remain on his face, and his gaze never leaves his. It’s like he knew he had a bad night and all he wanted to do was make sure that Joe be better from it.

His heart sighs and stutters and soars, for Joe is overwhelmed. Because it’s so clear to him, that Nicolò cares, and he feels incredibly blessed. To have something like this after just meeting another, he’d be a fool to think of it as anything but a blessing.

“Of course I am,” he says, laying his palm over Nicolò’s that’s still on his own cheek, smiling at him. “I am with you, aren’t I? You guide me.”

Nicolò nods, firmly, and gives him a small smile. “I know you now. And I will find you,” he says, and Joe swears this man knows his soul to its very depths. He gulps, and nods shakily, tears coming to his eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall.

“Ya amar,” he says, laughing weakly. For Nicolò is beautiful. The most beautiful really. But not just physically, but also everything else. And also…

“Like the moon. You are like the moon in the darkness of my mind,” Joe continues, and he means every word. Because it does feel dark, especially after the night he just had.

He watches as Nicolò’s face lights up when his smile widens. “I am like the moon? Like you are the sun?” he asks, and as soon as the words hit, Joe feels sadness creep in his chest, and he looks down.

The sun.

Joe’s been hearing it a lot, ever since coming home. How he’s the tiny sun. How he has been since he had been little. Andy calls him that always, and so does Lykon. They even told Quynh and Nicky of the story, of how it had been his childhood nickname, and more, for he had been apparently born laughing and smiling, bright and happy.

But he doesn’t feel like that right now. Not even a little bit. Or at all, if he’s honest.

“Oh Yusuf,” he hears, and he opens his eyes.

He hadn’t even realized he closed them. Nicolò’s face is sad when he sees him, and his thumb is gently gliding over his cheek, and it’s wet.

He hadn’t even realized that the tears started to fall, either. But before he can apologize, Nicolò’s leaning in, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“Talk to me,” he hears and Joe sniffles, leaning into his touch.

“I don’t feel like the sun they are so proud of,” he whispers, and the double meaning of it jars in his chest, thinking of his parents, as well as his friends. “I—I don’t feel worthy of their praise. And I don’t know if me still coming home is the reason for that…what if I feel like I’m done coming home, but still feel…”

Nicolò’s hands continue to be gentle as he stares into Joe’s eyes. “Dim?” he whispers, and Joe shakes his head, the word coming to mind much stronger, and hurtful, even in his own mind.

“Broken.”

But he doesn’t get to feel the hurt because Nicolò doesn’t let him.

“Never,” he says automatically, and his eyes harden for a moment, but for reasons he cannot explain, Joe knows it’s not directed at him. It’s anger, not for him, if towards anyone at all.

“You will not say such things, especially not about yourself,” he continues, and Joe finds himself nodding, gulping. “You will be kind to yourself. You will do your best to come home, and if it proves difficult, then we’re here to give you direction.”

Joe laughs weakly at his words, but Nicolò just tilts his head.

“I’m very good with directions. As you said, I will guide you,” he says, then he pulls his hands away from his face, and takes both of Joe’s hands carefully in his. He squeezes his hands gently, and tugs on it, and it’s grounding and welcome. He looks down at their hands, stares at their nails without understanding why, and the way Nicolò just grips it with a sureness that you can’t even question.

“I’ll guide you home,” Nicolò repeats, and Joe takes a step forward then and presses his face into the man’s shoulder, and when he feels arms around him, he swears that the darkness in his mind recedes, even for just a little bit.

“Thank you, Nicolò.”

***

They end up back in Nicolò and Quynh’s apartment.

“I think your sister is with Quynh,” Nicolò says, as he opens the door and steps in, and Joe pauses at the entrance, like he had the very first time he had gotten there. It gives him a moment to think of how easily this man, and Quynh really, had recognize that Andy, him and Lykon are siblings.

He watches as Nicolò looks back at him and breaks into a small smile.

“Please come in, Yusuf. You’re welcome in our home,” he says, and Joe smiles, nodding and stepping into the apartment.

“Thank you,” he says, before blinking, shaking his head weakly, as he kicks off his shoes. “Lykon told you,” he adds, after a breath, and he hears Nicolò chuckle, walking further inside.

“That you need to be welcomed personally into someone’s home ever since you were old enough to hold onto the door knob by yourself? Yes,” he hears, and it’s not mocking at all, but sweet, and Joe follows him then, his heart aching a little at the mention of his brother.

“What else had Lykon said about me?” he asks, voice soft, standing in the middle room as Nicky goes straight to the kitchen, and he can hear the sink then, followed by cabinets opening. He follows then, to find Nicolò pulling stuff out from the fridge, as he gets to the sink.

“That he’s very proud of you,” Nicolò says, after a beat, before glancing up at him. Joe sees the look on his face then and doesn’t have the heart to disagree, no matter how much he wants to. “Have you spoken to him?” he asks, and Joe shakes his head.

He had asked for more time, during dinner the night before. And of course, Lykon had given it to him, squeezing him back in the hug, and telling him that he’ll be there. That they’ll talk when he’s ready. And honestly, he’s not sure _when_ he will be ready to have that conversation.

But he knows he needs to have it. Because as afraid as he is with how the confrontation will go, he truly misses his brother, too.

It’s just that he wishes he didn’t even have to think about it as hard as he has been since he found out that Lykon hid them away.

“Why do you ask?” Joe whispers, walking to stand beside him now on the counter, smiling when Nicolò just three places different kinds of cheeses in front of him, on a cutting board, with a cheese grater.

“Please,” he says, giving Joe a small smile as he nods to the cheese, before shrugging. “He’s your brother. I think a conversation would do both of you some good,” he whispers, trailing off to a soft hum.

“But only when you’re ready, Yusuf. You’re still coming home, after all.”

And with that, Nicolò grabs a knife, and they’re just…existing.

Living.

Joe has no other words to describe it.

It reminds of many different occasions when he was small, and he would sit in the kitchen with his newest book, quietly reading while his parents dance around each other in the kitchen. Sometimes they spoke, but mostly they didn’t, just going around each other with ease and grace as they cooked the same meal, together. When they would brush against each other, Baba would kiss Mama’s forehead, or Mama would pinch his Baba’s side. They would chuckle, and continue, and finish their task together as one.

As he grew older, Joe wished for such ease. Such company.

And now, standing beside Nicolò, grating an insane amount of cheese for a dish that only exist in his companion’s mind alone, he feels like he’s finally living in that wish. At least, the beginning of one.

The feeling that settles in his chest is warm, and it feels like there’s light in an endless tunnel in his mind for the first time since coming home. A beacon, calling him home.

“Ya amar,” he whispers, softly, and Nicolò hums then, glancing up at him.

“Yes Yusuf?” he asks, like it easily comes to him. Like no other endearment can make sense. At least, not for now. And his heart beats a little faster, but he finds his breath comes easier at the same time. A revelation, perhaps, even in the midst of all the darkness that crawls in the back of his mind.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and smiles when Nicolò responds with a slight quirk at the corner of his lips, before pressing his forehead against Joe’s temple. The gesture is simple, but perfect, and he hopes to experience it again and again with this man. He turns slightly, and meets it with his, sighing softly at Nicolò’s words.  
  
“You’ll be home in no time.”

***

“Are you going to yell at me?”

Joe snorts, shaking his head as he sits heavily on Lykon’s couch, practically melting against it. It’s the beginning of the weekend after he got back from his parents. And he’s seen Nicolò each day since, glad that the man had allowed it each time, and continues to guide him home. It’s a cherished feeling, and he hopes to never part with it.

Never part with Nicolò.

Today though, he’s with Lykon, spending the morning with him before they have dinner with everyone. It’s Andy’s turn to cook, and Joe knows from experience that they’re in for quite an adventure.

But he lets himself stir away from the thought a little and focuses on his brother alone.

“Do you want me to yell?” Joe mutters, looking up at Lykon then, who’s sitting on the other side of the couch, shrugging at this words. Then he watches as he raises an eyebrow, and Joe meets it with his own. Lykon doesn’t look particularly worried, but it’s clear that he’s being cautious.

“I know I hurt you,” he says, simply, and still, Joe’s breath hitches for a moment, and he breaks eye contact almost immediately, biting his lip. He feels the couch move under him, and feels his brother come closer.

“Joe,” Lykon whispers, and when Joe looks at him, his hand is up, and hovering, and the cautiousness is clear now. He nods, once, and there’s a hand on his, and he holds it back, squeezing. “I am…very sorry. For what I did. I know I hurt you,” he repeats.

He sounds soft. Gentle. Kind. Like Andy, Lykon had always provided comfort for him, even from afar. He was an older brother, even if only by a year, someone who he always meant home and peace and safety to him, just like Andy.

They were his siblings, and to him, they meant safety and home. So having Andy with him in the ten years that he had been gone was a blessing and a grounding force that he knew he needed, regardless of him ever saying otherwise.

So when he needed to come home, all he could think of was Lykon. Lykon meant home, and with Andy, he also meant safety.

To say that he felt blindsided when he found out that Lykon had hid him away with Andy is an understatement. For his brother, this person that he thought of when he thought of home, and comfort, and safety, and relief, had hid him away like he had never existed? Because he had been trying to cope? Joe’s still, slowly, trying to understand it. But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

Because all he wanted, after everything, was to come home. Safety with Andy had been just enough, and he needed more. He needed more. He needed his big brother.

“I screwed up, Lykon,” Joe says as a response, squeezing his hand, his breath a gasp. “Spent my last two years at the burn unit at the hospital we’ve been at for the last five years. And I screwed up.”

He’s unsure as to why the words are coming out now, but they do. Joe clenches his free hand into a fist, and tries not to squeeze the life out of Lykon’s that is in the other, and he tries to take a deep breath. But it comes out choked and again, he’s gasping. He feels Lykon move even closer then, and now there’s a hand on his shoulder, and Joe allows it to ground him.

“Neglected one thing, and then another, and just…an infection spread. Preventable, but I screwed up, and I lost—” he stops, gulping. Even now, he’s unable to think about who he had lost without crying. Of how many, due to neglect under _his_ lead, were lost. It might have not been his own doing, but it was _his_ unit. His responsibility.

“I lost,” he mutters, shrugging and trying to blink back tears. And he finds that he can only make himself say one other thing. And Lykon’s hand grips tight on his shoulder then, just as he tries to continue.

“It’s my—”

“That’s not your fault, Joe,” Lykon says, and he sounds firm enough that Joe looks up at him, and finds him staring at him with a frown. “I’m sure Andy’s told you all of this,” he whispers, and Joe nods weakly.

“Of course. She was so mad at me,” he says, remember the first time that she heard him say aloud that that it’s his fault. And he knew, then that she wasn’t mad at him, she was mad at the fact that he felt the need to shoulder it all.

“Good, then I won’t be mad at you. You did what you could, Joe. I am _sure_ of it,” he says, and there’s confidence in his voice. The same one he’d hear over rare moments on the phone, of how he knew that Joe was doing well in his work. It felt good, to hear it each time, and so he’s glad to hear it now.

And yet…

“I failed,” he mutters, looking down, but then Lykon’s shaking his head, squeezing his shoulder again just as he completely averts his gaze.

“You did not—look at me, Yusuf,” Lykon starts, and Joe gulps.

“I failed you, didn’t I?”

And there it is, and he hates it. He hates it so much. Because now Lykon’s freezing, his eyes widening for a moment, and Joe scrambles, tears streaming down his face now, and he hates it.

“I failed, and I came home and I found out I failed you too. Because why else…why else would you hide me? Why else would you—” he stops, sighing and looking down, his shoulders slumping.

Why else would Lykon do what he did Why else would he be kept a secret if he was someone worth being proud of?

Joe hated thinking it, but his mind couldn’t help but get there, eventually. Not after coming home the way he did to what Lykon had done.

He couldn’t even get himself to continue.

When Lykon pulls his hands away from him, Joe feels like his stomach had dropped, and he wants to run. But then there are arms around him, familiar and tight and gripping, and he sobs, pressing his face on Lykon’s shoulder.

“You didn’t fail me. You didn’t fail anyone, Joe. I am proud of you, I always have been. What I had done had _nothing_ to do with you, and I am sorry that it feels like that. But please know you did nothing wrong. Not there, and not here, and not with me. Please,” he whispers, and Lykon sounds shaky, his own voice thick with tears and Joe wraps his arms around him, sniffling.

He’s not sure if he believes him, not at that moment, but he’d be lying if he said that hearing him say it aloud didn’t make a difference. He keeps quiet, for what feels like a long moment, and Lykon just holds him, the whole time. And he listens to Lykon as his brother continues to reassure him, telling him that he’d be a fool to think he had failed anyone, especially Lykon. And how he’ll know soon, that he’ll believe him soon, and Joe finds himself clinging to every word, every whisper.

“I’ll try,” he gasps out eventually, and Lykon nods, breathing in shakily and kissing his forehead, before hugging him again.

“I got time, we got time,” he hears, and Joe laughs weakly through the tears, unable to not think about what Nicolò had told him during their first meeting.

“Nicolò said that,” he sobs out, and Lykon’s shaking his head, pulling away and he’s wiping at Joe’s tears with his sleeve, like he used to when they were still little and Joe would _always_ run to Lykon for hugs if he had fallen and he’d wipe at his tears like he is now. He finds himself leaning into it, just as Lykon grins, and it feels like they’re going to be _fine_.

“I’m so glad you found each other,” his brother says as he keeps wiping at his cheeks, though his eyes sadden as soon as he says it. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you sooner…”

And Joe blinks. Would his life have been different if Lykon had introduced them from the beginning? Maybe. But then he thinks of his life now, of where he is, and the darkness that his mind currently occupies.

“Mama says things happen when they are meant to happen,” he whispers, and Lykon laughs then, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Auntie is always right when it comes to these things…I heard I’ve been cut off from sweets for three months?” he says, and Joe hums then, remembering his visit with his parents. And how they were righteously upset with how Lykon had handled everything, and is not surprised that Lykon knows exactly what went down.

“Who told you? Andy?” he asks, and Lykon snorts.

“No, Auntie called me. My ears are still ringing,” he says, biting his lip, but then he’s smiling. Because Lykon would be a fool to think that his Mama and Baba didn’t love him as much as they do all of them. And he has no doubt that they’ll love Nicolò and Quynh too.

“Then she asked when I’m going to get married,” Lykon continues and Joe snorts then, and falling against his brother in laughter, just as he whines, rolling his eyes playfully with a soft pout.

“I told her I don’t have a brother with bad coping skills with secret friends like you and Andy do, and she told me to find one!” Lykon continues, and this time, the ache in Joe comes from his stomach, and the tears in his eyes are from unabashed joy and laughter, and Lykon’s smiling at him, and he _knows_ that his brother is just proud of himself for making him break like this.

And in that moment, while he was shaking in utmost mirth due to his Mama’s nosiness, Joe feels a little bit closer to home.


	9. to be in love, and be dearly loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Joe will be back soon,” Lykon says softly, in that knowing smile, and Nicky nods, bowing his head slightly. He notices his hair then, probably too long, falling against his eyes._
> 
> _“I miss him when he’s gone,” he says, watching as Lykon takes one shoe and starts to slowly loosen the laces, his movements slow. “And I know that I’ll be happy when I see him back. I know that he’d been in my mind the whole time before then.”_
> 
> _“That sounds like love, Nicky. You’re in love,” he hears softly, and he nods._
> 
> _Yeah. He definitely is._
> 
> _“Now you just have to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself while loving him, too,” Lykon continues and Nicky pauses, looking at him now._

“Professor?”

Nicky blinks and looks up from packing his things to find one of his students standing in front of his desk, hugging their laptop to their chest tightly. He looks anxious, and Nicky tries to offer a weak smile. His office hours are back on that week, and he knows this is just the first of a couple of students.

“Hello Jeremy. Give me a moment and you can walk with me to my office?” he asks, and smiles when his student nods a little more enthusiastically then. Soon enough, they’re making their way outside of the classroom, and Nicky finds himself saying pleasantries to more students than usual.

“Everyone’s so friendly,” Nicky finds himself saying aloud and Jeremy blinks, tilting his head a little at him, his large glasses taking over half of his face, with curls that rival even Yusuf’s falling over his eyes at every bounce of his step. Nicky watches as he swipes the hair from his face and blinks at him.

“How so?” he asks, and Nicky shrugs. He’s been at the university since his PhD, and he’s had mostly low-key existence, except for that one heated debate in his graduate class that involved him and another student getting on the table, trying to get into each other’s face, while their professor, laughed the entire time, impassioned by their own drive and passion.

Who knew comparative literature and cultural studies can be so exciting?

Nicky’s pretty sure it’s one of the reasons as to why he continued his education the way he did. Now he’s the professor that laughs when his students get heated, and he _knows_ for a fact that his students take each of his reactions to heart, so he keeps them lowkey, for the most part. All raised eyebrows, slight nods, or narrowed eyes.

But Nicky knows exactly why everyone’s being different. Letting out a class earlier than usual can do that, almost automatically. Or it may be because they all witnessed him being incredibly sappy with Yusuf.

Either way, it’s done.

“They’re making eye-contact,” he says with a slight smile, and he glances at Jeremy who lets out a giggle, looking down.

“You can be scary, Professor. But then you let us out early, and then you got super cute with your partner, so now you’re not so scary.”

Nicky blinks. He nailed it on the head, sort of. He didn’t expect the second part. Partner. Yusuf. He looks down, feeling himself flush, and hopefully, Jeremy doesn’t see. Then, he looks back up again and hums.

“But…still scary?” he asks, glancing at Jeremy. “Kind of?”

His student blinks once, and then nods, after a beat. “Yes. Scary…nice?”

Nicky smirks.

“Good.”

He’ll take what he can get.

Jeremy laughs then, and Nicky’s glad to hear it

Soon, they make it to his office, and he walks in. “Now how may I help you?” he asks, and blinks when he turns to the seat he has reserved for students, and still finds it empty. Then he looks at the doorway to find Jeremy still standing there, as if waiting.

Then he shakes his head with a slight smile. “You can come in,” he says, voice soft, and Jeremy grins then, before stepping in.

It’s another similarity besides the curls that the student has with his Yusuf.

Maybe that’s why he finds Jeremy endearing, if only by a little bit.

Or maybe he misses Yusuf.

Maybe it’s both.

“Thank you!” he hears, and he knows that Jeremy is settling in then, laptop in hand, in the chair he had especially for any student that visits him. It’s even more comfortable that his desk chair. “I just need some advice on how to continue with my proposal,” he starts, and Nicky smiles to himself then, back still turned as he grabs a pen and his notebook. He still feels warm, even after a few years of being a professor now, when students come to him for advice.

He turns then, and pulls up his chair, nodding as Jeremy turns his laptop towards him.

“Let’s see what you got.”

***

“You know, office hours are only meant to be three hours.”

Nicky blinks and looks up to find Quynh staring at him, arms crossed and frowning. “What do you mean?” he asks, and Quynh sighs, walking over to his desk and grabbing at his chin. Then she’s turning his head towards the clock on his wall.

8:30PM.

He blinks. His class ended at 3:30PM. Shit.

Quynh turns his face back towards hers, and raises an eyebrow. Nicky shrugs. “I just…lost track of time. Plus, my students weren’t here the entire time.”

The last one came an hour ago, but only for ten minutes. But Quynh doesn’t need to know that. She frowns even deeper, but lets go of his chin, sighing as she sits on his desk. He lets her, of course. She’s probably the only one who would ever dare to do so at the university.

He’s scary nice, after all.

“I know you’re lying to me. After this week, I’m going to make you a sign for your office. That way no one will come after hours,” she says, and Nicky frowns, shaking his head.

“Please don’t do that, Quynh,” he says. “Promise me you won’t,” he adds, and stares at her until she nods, sliding off his desk. He takes pride in how comfortable his students were in coming to his office, and he doesn’t want to ruin that.

“Fine. Let’s go home, yeah?” she asks, already grabbing his laptop off his desk, then his back off its hook, and Nicky just sighs, taking his keys out.  
  
“You know, _you’re_ still here, and the university gallery closed two hours ago,” he asks, smiling when Quynh immediately burrows into him as soon as he locks his office door. He wraps his arm around her and kisses her forehead.

“Restoration week. Last one too longer than planned. Lykon’s at the apartment waiting with food,” she says, adjusting his back on her shoulder as they walk. Nicky nods gratefully. Now that food’s been mentioned, he’s realizing just how hungry he actually is.

“That’d be nice. Do we need to pick anything up on the way home?” he asks as they walk out of the parking lot, taking in a deep breath. He’s definitely been inside for far too long, that city air feels a little too fresh. Quynh makes a noise beside him, and he looks down to find her staring.

“What?”

“Pushing too hard, again,” she says, frowning, and Nicky blinks, tilting his head.  
  
“All I asked is if we needed more things for the house,” he starts, and winces when Quynh pokes at his chest. “Ow,” he mutters, frowning.

“This is your _first_ office hours of three for the week. And you’re already hours overtime. Need I remind you of the migraine that took you out last time?” she asks, and Nicky pulls away then to walk to his car. Sometimes, he regrets the fact that Quynh now knows of these carefully hidden migraines. But he knows he can never hide it from her again, after she took care of him, and was quite worried while doing so.

“I took a break from my office hours last week, didn’t I?” he says, because he did. Quynh didn’t even have to ask him, like she had to ask him to take the following Monday off. “And how did you even find out that I have three days of office hours?”

It’s not as bad. He put in the first three days of the week. Then he can take it easy after, especially since he has no classes then, and will mostly be using the time for research.

Or spend time with Yusuf. Either way works.

“It’s on your door, Nicky. Honestly, you’re already out of it,” she says and Nicky sighs, shaking his head, having forgotten that he posted it that morning. He’s just trying to make up for the last week that he took a break on. But he doesn’t argue back because he knows that when Quynh is on fire like this, then he has no chance of ever winning the argument.

He gets into the car, and blinks rapidly to try and clear his head. Quynh’s hand is on his and he looks at her with a smile.

But she’s pouting at him. He reaches over and pokes her nose. “Stop that,” he mutters, and she makes a show of trying to bite his finger. Nicky knows she never would, but he still pulls away because she gets too close. “So do we need to grab groceries?” he asks, and Quynh shakes her head.

“Lykon already grabbed it,” she says, and Nicky sighs. Of course he did. Lykon always says that he takes care of everyone, but Nicky thinks it’s actually quite equal, because Lykon still buys things for their home even though he no longer lives with Quynh and Nicky, and hasn’t for quite some time.

Because they take care of him, as much as he takes care of them.

“Isn’t he busy? Running the world with math?” Actuary science will forever be terrifying and confusing to Nicky, but Lykon does it for a living, as a consultant in an actuary firm that specializes on assisting non-profits.

It made sense, for someone so careful, and logical, trying to think of the best outcome.

The best way to cope.

Quynh giggles then, and sighs. “Always, but he always finds the time. Especially lately.”

Nicky gulps. He knows that Lykon still feels bad for what he did, and Nicky can’t fault him. If it were him, he’d probably feel the same way.

“At least I know he got the right things…” he says, after a moment, as he starts the car, and Quynh snorts, rolling down the window, and he does the same. The car always feels too stifling for Quynh, and she always likes the windows to be a little rolled down, regardless of how cold it is.

“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m hopeless,” Quynh says to him, and he glances back in time to see her wink, and he rolls his eyes, staring ahead.

“You’re getting there.”

They lapse into a comfortable quiet then, and Nicky glances at Quynh to find her leaning her head against the window, her hair getting blown by the wind coming from the gap, and she has a soft smile on her face. Ever since meeting her, Quynh has had the sureness in her that was so admirable that Nicky could only hope to know one day. For her sureness applies to everything, including her anger, her resolve, in everything that she applies herself too.

And that includes her happiness.

“Eyes on the road, Nicky,” Quynh says, her eyes still on the outside and Nicky snorts, shaking his head.

“You’re happy,” he states, and Quynh just sighs softly, and he can tell that she’s smiling.

“Andy’s going to be in my class at the end of the week,” she says, and it sounds dreamy and whimsical and sweet. “We’re doing clinching and she’s agreed to be my partner so we can show my students.”

“Match made in heaven,” he says softly, and she laughs, then, and he finds himself, loving the sound. “I’m happy for you,” he adds.

Quynh makes a soft, humming noise then.

“Just like you and Joe,” she says, her voice soft.

Nicky blinks, and he finds himself smiling at the thought of Yusuf again. It never fails to bring a smile to his face. He hums, but doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t really need to. He feels Quynh’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing.

“I’m happy for you, too.”

***

“Who has dinner at 9PM? Professor di Genova, that’s who. I’m telling Jo—ow!”

Nicky narrows his eyes at Lykon, glad to see that the plastic spoon hits his nose just right to get him to stop talking, as he eats a mouthful of his own noodles, Quynh falling on him in laughter.

“Is that the thanks I get for bringing you dinner?” Lykon asks, as he settles back on the floor, where they all decide to settle after Nicky had just flopped down on there and laid his head on the table as soon as they entered. He only looked up when he felt Lykon tap his shoulder, and the food was already placed all around him on the table, Lykon and Quynh flanking him.

He doesn’t say anything, and just squints at Lykon for another second before continuing with his meal. He’s definitely inhaling it, the hunger fully settling in, and slowly getting satiated by one of his favourite meals. He’s truly thankful for Lykon, but he doesn’t need to hear it again if he’s being a smartass about it.

“Don’t bother Yusuf,” he says, after he swallows his food, and Lykon nods, waving a hand.

“I know, I know.”

Yusuf and Lykon had arrived together for dinner during the weekend, in the midst of Andy trying not to burn something in her kitchen, all the while refusing Nicky’s assistance. To say he was twitchy was an understatement. 

But before he could insist, Lykon had tapped on his shoulder and nodded to Yusuf, who was taking his time slipping off his shoes at the door.

“We talked,” was the only thing Lykon had said, eyes a little sad even as he smiled. Nicky knew then that Yusuf needed him. And as soon as he had walked over, Yusuf had just wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into Nicky’s neck, his nose nuzzling in as he sniffles.

“We talked,” Yusuf gasped out as well, and then he chuckled, and it sounds odd because it’s heavy with the opposite emotion. “I’m trying to come home, and he said I have time."

“You do,” Nicky had told him, firmly, squeezing him. And Yusuf just nodded and held onto him tighter, and Nicky stepped forward, pressing Joe’s back onto the front door and let Joe pull him with him, and they stood there, for a long while, until dinner had been ready.

And they were together, for the rest of the weekend. They all slept over in Andy’s apartment, and Nicky and Yusuf somehow fit on the couch together, with Yusuf holding him from behind, squeezing him in his sleep. He found that he liked the feeling of being held, stroking Yusuf’s arm every time he felt it tighten around him.

When he woke up the morning after, it’s to Yusuf kissing him sleepily for the first time as Nicky pulls away to get up and stretch his aching back. He flushed red and was glad that there’s no one to see him as he did, only to turn around to find Andy grinning at him like a loon.

She handed him a coffee then and pulled him to the kitchen, telling him then that it was the first night that Yusuf didn’t awake with a nightmare.

It felt like a lot, hearing it. Because it was. Yusuf had taken his presence and felt comfort in it, possibly even safety.

He felt the pressure, as well as the honour of it all.

Especially since he could see that Yusuf had been a little lighter that weekend, and not as quiet as he interacted with everyone. And it seems that first kiss opened the floodgates too, because he’s kissing Nicky in front of everyone without a hint of shyness at the newness of it all.

And Nicky found himself watching the entire time, leaning into every kiss, and thinking to himself as he did, that he could not wait to see him when he’s fully home again, if this was him on his way back.

Clearly, Yusuf has fully captivated him. When they parted that weekend, Nicky had to tell him of his busy week ahead, and Yusuf told him of his plans to visit his parents again, for the first half of the week, with Andy this time.

“They really miss Joe’s parents,” Quynh says from beside him, and Nicky blinks, looking up as Lykon nodded.

“After Andy’s parents and then my parents went back home, they kind of become our parents too,” Lykon says with a small shrug, and Nicky finds himself nodding. “They looked after us,” and he sounds fond as he says it.

It’s clear to him that Yusuf, and by extension, Lykon and Andy, are really loved by their parents.

“Must’ve been nice,” Quynh says softly, and she doesn’t sound sad. She never does, when talking about parents. Like Nicky, family meant each other, and Lykon. And now, Yusuf and Andy. There was no other family to consider, because Quynh doesn’t remember hers.

Nicky doesn’t like to think about his. He barely hears Lykon’s response as his mind drifts, but he’s pretty sure he sees him nodding.

He remembers them, sure. Not fondly, but not badly, either. It wasn’t really them that he left behind, back home. At least, not just them. It had been everything. Nicky blinks, staring down at his food, trying to step away from that line of thought. Nicky hasn’t thought about home and leaving it behind for so long, and he really doesn’t want to start now. Not when the life he has now is flourishing even further, with Andy, and with Yusuf. He tightens his hand on his fork, and gulps, looking down.

“Nicky? You okay?”

“Of course,” he says automatically. The lie is always easy enough. “I’m just tired,” he adds, and as soon as he does, he can feel both of Lykon and Quynh’s eyes on him, and he knows he probably said too much. He sighs then and shakes his head.

“I’m fine, please,” he whispers, and he watches as they share a look, and thankfully, don’t say anything else. And if Lykon moves in a little closer on his side, or Quynh never moves away from laying on his arm, he doesn’t say anything. He’s thankful for the silent love that they are forever willing to provide to him, regardless of the words that he always fails to have when he gets like this, and it’s obvious enough for them to see.

He just wishes there’s something more he can say about the matter.

But Nicky knows he never will, and he hopes that it’ll always be enough for them.

Dinner ends quietly that night, and when Lykon says his goodbyes, he looks worried enough that Nicky has to pause.

“Are you alright?” he asks softly, sitting on the hallway floor then, as Lykon gets his shoes on. Nicky smiles weakly then when the man snorts and sits with him then, shoes forgotten for a bit, nudging his shoulder.

And for a moment, they sit in silence together, listening to Quynh. She’s singing in her room, having already said her goodnights to both of them, and getting ready for bed. Her bedroom door is slightly ajar and they can hear her walking around as she sings, and Nicky can honestly say he’s never heard her be this carefree. He glances at Lykon then and finds him smiling.

“Is that what being in love feels like?” Lykon says, voice soft, and then he’s turning towards Nicky. “Hm?”

And Nicky blinks, and Yusuf comes to mind again, like he has been for the entire day. He’s seen him during the weekend, and yet Nicky still misses him, and craves to be in his space, in his company. He blinks again when he feels another nudge on his shoulder, and turns to Lykon then.

“Joe will be back soon,” Lykon says softly, in that knowing smile, and Nicky nods, bowing his head slightly. He notices his hair then, probably too long, falling against his eyes.

“I miss him when he’s gone,” he says, watching as Lykon takes one shoe and starts to slowly loosen the laces, his movements slow. “And I know that I’ll be happy when I see him back. I know that he’d been in my mind the whole time before then.”

“That sounds like love, Nicky. You’re in love,” he hears softly, and he nods.

Yeah. He definitely is.

“Now you just have to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself while loving him, too,” Lykon continues and Nicky pauses, looking at him now. Lykon stares back at him with a shrug and sighs.

“Three office hours in a row? Fine. But follow your own hours Nicky,” he says, and Nicky sighs with a shrug. He just lost track of time.

“I lost track of time,” he mutters, aloud. Because it’s true. Lykon nods, and Nicky’s glad to see that it doesn’t look like he doesn’t believe him. But he doesn’t like the fact that he still looks somewhat worried.

“I just don’t want you to get ill again,” he hears, and Nicky looks away with a shrug. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. He’s had these migraines forever, the only difference is that now they know of it.

  
When he doesn’t say anything, he feels a hand on his shoulder, shoe once again forgotten. “You didn’t have to hide it you know?” Lykon says, and Nicky can see, that as soon as he says the words, that he regrets it, eyes flashing guiltily, and Nicky sighs.

“We all do things to cope,” he whispers, using Yusuf’s words for both his sake, and Lykon’s, it seems, because Lykon softens as well, even though his eyes remain the same. Nicky nudges him then, and gives him what he hopes is a soft smile. They’re both trying so hard.

“We’ll be better? Both of us?” he asks, and smiles when Lykon nods, moving to press his forehead against his shoulder, which was something that both he and Quynh liked to do to him. He never minded, for it felt like family to him.

“No new secrets. He’s not the only one that loves you, too,” Lykon whispers, before reaching for his shoes again and Nicky stares at him, and is warmed by his choice of words. Because he’s reminded then that Lykon remembers his plea from long ago, to never ask about his past, and he nods, in gentle agreement, committing the words to heart.

“I know.” 

***

Tuesday is a good day for him. Somewhat. Nicky wakes up a little earlier to get some work done, and gets to the university with Quynh, having enough time to walk her to the gallery before getting to his first class.

He goes through that class and the next easily enough, and if he stayed for at least half an hour after each one to answer questions, then that’s between Nicky and his students. He takes a quick break and is blessed with a text from Yusuf that simply says “I hope you’re having a great day, ya amar,” and it fuels him for his office hours.

Nicky even responds with, “I can’t wait to see you,” in between one student to the next, something he’s never done before. But things have changed, after all.

In the end he’s only an hour over his office hours, and he gets home early enough for a dinner and a movie with Quynh, and they fall asleep on the couch with Quynh draped over him and drooling on his shoulder.

Wednesday morning, he wakes up with an inkling of a headache, and blames it on falling asleep on the couch. Quynh’s already gone by the time he awakes, leaving a note sticky on the desk beside his head.

_Last day of extra office hours! Woo!_

_PS: I’ll be home late today_

_You better be home by the time I get home._

  * _Quynh_



“Yey,” he mutters to the empty apartment, throwing a fist up with a sigh. When he sits up, it’s with a wince and Nicky knows then that his day was going to suck.

And it does. Nicky slugs through his only class that day, and barely encourages discussion. He practically recites the slide verbatim, and barely moves from one spot. He can see his students looking confused, and he’s half tempted to end class then, but he doesn’t. And by the end of the class, the four students that had gone to his desk to walk with him to his office hours hesitate, all hovering, with worried looks on their faces.

“Professor? You okay?” he hears, and Nicky blinks, trying to give them a smile. Judging by the reaction, it comes off as a wince. When one of them goes to unplug his laptop from the projector and carry it for him, he doesn’t even protest, listlessly dragging his bag from his desk with a nod.

“Yeah, just a headache.” It’s not. It’s a start of a migraine.

“We can wait until next week?” Jeremy suggests, and Nicky shakes his head immediately, motioning for them to follow.

The walk to his office lacks conversation, and when he asks who’s going first, his students tell him that they can just all go together, in case they all have the same questions. That way he doesn’t have to keep repeating himself. It’s the same assignment after all.

Nicky’s tired enough and in pain enough to admit that he felt a little misty eyed at their consideration, and so he agrees. He ends up sitting on the seat he usually has for his students, and they end up sprawling all over his office, sitting on the floor, on his desk chair, against his desk. When more students come through, and hover, they end up joining, encouraged by the students that are already there.

By the second hour, Nicky has seven students around him, after one left to go to class. He’s answered a few questions, but for the most part, they bounce off each other, discussing in soft voices, respectful of the other offices in the same hall as them. And if one of them gets too loud in their excitement, another student would just poke them with a gentle hush. Each of them also kept glancing at the clock, keeping eye on the time.

Nicky’s blessed to have such students really.

But as considerate as they are being with him, and each other, it doesn’t stop his migraine from getting worse as the minutes tick by, and he’s closing his eyes when he thinks his students are not looking. But with seven of them flanking him, it’s clear that at least one of them would notice. If not all of them.

It all comes to head when he closes his eyes for too long.

“Professor? Should we call Dr. Vu?”

“No,” Nicky croaks out before he can stop himself, peeling his eyes open and wincing. All of his students are staring at them now. One of them, Dana, blinks once from behind Jeremy and then goes to switch off the lights in his office, and immediately he sighs.

“Thanks…I’ll be okay,” he whispers, looking back at all of them. Then he sees it. How they’re all looking at him with worry, and how they’re all there because they value what he had to say. He remembers being their age and looking up at his professors, and how he finds himself emulating those he admires the most.

He doesn’t want any of them duplicating bad habits, of not depending on friends that care about him.

Nicky finds himself sighing then. “Dr. Vu is busy,” he explains. He’s not surprised that his students know of his close relationship with Quynh, because she marches in and out of his office like its hers, and comes to his class to pick him up at times.

“How about your other best friend?” Jeremy asks, and Nicky smiles.

“Lykon. He’s working,” he says, though he knows that Lykon’s probably done for the day already. He’s visited him a number of times too, so again, it’s not a surprise that they know of him.

“How about your partner?” a soft, small voice asks, and Nicky turns to Zo. She barely speaks in class, but almost never fails to share her thoughts with him, either by email or during his office hours.

“Yusuf,” he replies, and Nicky can’t help but smile. It didn’t feel wrong, to confirm that Yusuf is his partner out loud. It felt right that Yusuf was his anything, really. “He’s away visiting his parents,” he adds, and watches with squinted eyes as his students all look at each other. They’re all staring at him with worried eyes, and Nicky knows he’s right to give in. 

He slips his hand into his pocket and takes out his phone. As soon as the screen lights up he winces, putting it down and away from his face. Jeremy steps in then and grabs it, blinking.

“Can I help?” he asks, and Nicky nods. Jeremy turns the phone to himself and sighs.

“Professor, you should really password lock your phone.”

“You sound like Quynh,” Nicky mutters as he closes his eyes, smiling when he hears his students giggle around him. “Call Lykon for me,” he says, his hand going to his head now as he tries to alleviate some of the throbbing that’s started at the back of his eyes.

Soon enough he feels the phone being pressed against his ear and he takes it with eyes still closed, muttering a soft thank you. He winces at the ringing sound and sighs in relief when Lykon answers, laughter in his voice.

“Hi Nicky!” Lykon calls, and Nicky can hear that he’s obviously with people. “What’s up, tell me you finished your office hours by now,” he says.

“Nearly done, it’s all good,” Nicky starts, automatically, and he _swears_ he feels all of his students jerk into a lunge towards him, the whole room almost exploding at the abruptness of their outburst, making his ears ring.

“It’s not!”

“He’s got a migraine!”

“Can’t even open his eyes!”

“Can’t look at his phone!”

“Nope!”

“Don’t lie!”

“Oh, come _on_!”

“ _Are you for real?!_ ”

He opens his eyes enough to glare at all of them, and he’s surprised to see that most of them are glaring back, all of them hovering, their worry palatable. Lykon’s gone quiet on the other line now.

There’s a bit of shuffling. Then…

“Nicolò?”

Nicky’s breath hitches, and he gulps. “Yusuf?” he asks. Is he hearing things? “You’re home?”

“We’re on our way, Nicolò. Can I talk to one of your students?” Yusuf says, voice soft, but urgent. He can hear Lykon in the background now, and he can only guess that Andy’s with them. He gulps, and sighs, before he moves his phone from his ear and hands it to Jeremy.

Nicky sees his back straighten for a moment, before he closes his eyes again, the strain and throbbing in is head becoming too much.

“Okay…okay. I think there’s a first aid kit on the floor. I’ll see if they have a cold compress there. If not, we’ll do that. Okay, thank you,” he hears Jeremy say, before the phone is back against his ear again.

“Keep your eyes close, okay, Nicolò? And just try to relax. Let your students look after you for a bit. We’ll be there soon,” he hears, and Nicky sniffles.

“Okay. Be safe.” The pain is enough that he can’t say anything else, and he just wants to curl up.

The phone moves away, and he opens his eyes then. Jeremy’s gone, and Zo and the others are hovering at the door, leaving Dana behind, holding his phone.  
  
“We’ll be in the hallway, okay professor? That way the room is as quiet and dark and we can keep the door close,” they whisper, keeping their voice low, gently placing his phone in his hand. Nicky looks at all of them with glassy eyes.

“You don’t have to stay,” he starts, but all of them are shaking their heads already, Dana smiling at him.

“We’ll be quiet. Jeremy’s getting a cold compress, so we’ll only open the door then, okay professor?” they continue, and Nicky feels incredibly overwhelmed. So he just nods, and closes his eyes as his students all pile out, and the door closes behind them, leaving him in the darkness of his office.

And if he cries then due to gratitude, that’s between him, and his empty office.

***

Nicky wakes up to a gentle hand on his forehead, and a cold compress against the back of his neck. He sighs at the feeling, and opens his eyes to find Yusuf staring at him, his face breaking into a smile. He’s still in the student chair, and Yusuf’s sitting on his desk chair, rolled in as close as he can.

“Hello Nicolò,” Yusuf whispers, and he’s leaning in and there’s a gentle kiss on his lips, and he finds himself pressing against it with a sigh. His head still feels quite heavy, the throbbing still going on behind his eyes, but it’s not as sharp as it was.

He stares at Yusuf for a moment, and sees his eyes soften, and Nicky can’t help but think of their first meeting. Of how he took care of Nicky, just like this, even after Nicky had pushed him roughly, afraid of having a stranger in his home, only to hit on him afterwards by calling him handsome. But even in the midst of a migraine, Nicky’s eyes had remained clear to take in such beauty.

Just like it is now.

“Hi handsome,” he says softly against his lips. “We need to stop meeting like this, doctor.” Yusuf grins then, shaking his head as he moves his hand to press a kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll meet you in any way as long as I can keep coming back to you,” he says, because it seems that Yusuf always has the words. And they’re always gentle and sweet and never fails to make him flush. He leans into his touch and takes a deep breath, before letting it out in a sigh. “Didn’t know you were going to be home tonight,” he whispers.

“I wanted to come home to you,” Yusuf says, voice soft. “Mama and Baba couldn’t take my whining for you anymore, so they kicked me out, and Andy felt bad so she came with me.”

Nicky blinks, and frowns, Yusuf’s hand moving over his brow, smoothing against it gently, like he knows without words that even such a small movement jars his head, just a little bit. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Of course I am. They’d never kick me out, but I was definitely annoying,” Yusuf says with a chuckle, and he sounds so much lighter than he had been when they first met, leaning in to kiss his forehead again. “How’s your head?”

“Could be better,” he admits with an uneasy smile, before humming. “My students?”

Yusuf smiles. “Outside. With Andy and Lykon, polishing off a box of sweets Mama and Baba got us,” he says, and Nicky laughs weakly. He doesn’t mind losing it out to them, really. Quynh on the other hand, would definitely mind.

“Don’t worry, there was more than one box. Because Andy can finish one by herself,” Yusuf says simply with a shrug, glancing at the door. “You got good students. They were very worried about you.”

Nicky doesn’t really like that. He looks down, gulping, and Yusuf just gently nudges his chin with his free hand, still holding the cold compress with the other.

“They were worried because they care. All seven of them. Do you usually hold office hours in groups?” he asks, and Nicky smiles.

“It was their idea…so I didn’t have to keep repeating myself, when they saw I wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t want to cancel,” he says, and Yusuf smiles, glancing at the door.

“The kids are alright, huh?”

Nicky nods weakly at that, and his eyes slide close without his say, leaning into Yusuf’s touch as much as he could. He feels another kiss on his forehead then.

“We got you, Nicolò. We’ll take care of you.”

***

Eventually, Nicky’s going to feel so bad when it finally hits him that he didn’t say thank you or goodbye to any of his students that night. Or even wondered how they got home, since it was so late.

But due to the pain after the next time he wakes up, Nicky doesn’t even think about it. He doesn’t even really remember how him and Yusuf got home that night.

All he knows is that he melted into his bed as soon as he got to it, and recognized the feel of his soft sheets under his cheek, and that he tugged onto Yusuf’s arm until the man finally settled down beside him him and joined him in bed.

When he wakes up the next morning, it’s to Yusuf stroking his hair, a fresh ice pack on the back of his neck, and cold compressed wrapped in a towel and pressed against his forehead.

“You can keep sleeping,” Yusuf says as a way of a good morning, smiling at him and leaning in with a kiss. Nicky’s eyes are already closed and he’s drifting by the time he feels Yusuf pull away.

***

The next time Nicky wakes up, he’s alone. He stays still for a moment, and stares at the diffuser that’s currently drowning his senses with lavender and eucalyptus in the best of ways. There’s still an ice pack on the back of his neck, and it’s nowhere near melted, so it’s clear that it’s just been recently refreshed.

Carefully, Nicky rolls on his back and can’t help but sigh softly in relief when his head doesn’t pain him while doing so. He stares at the ceiling for a moment before sitting up, grabbing the ice pack and gently pressing it against his forehead. There’s no more pain, but he actually likes the feeling of the cold against his skin, even after.

Eventually, he gets out of bed and makes his way to the door, keeping the blanket around his shoulders and the ice pack on the back of his neck.

As soon as he opens the door, Yusuf’s there to meet him, a soft smile on his face.

“Nicolò,” he starts, but Nicky’s already wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his nose against his shoulder, sighing when he feels Yusuf’s body shake in soft chuckles, and feels him nuzzle against his neck. “You feeling better?”

“Much,” he whispers against his shoulder, but refuses to pull away, breathing in deeply. Yusuf responds by squeezing him gently, his arms crossed over his back. It makes Nicky clutch the ice pack in his hand tighter.

“Did I miss a whole day?” It’s normal for him, after an episode. He feels a nod against his neck, and then a kiss, and Nicky takes a step back into his room then, pulling Yusuf with him, and he hears a wolf whistle from somewhere in the kitchen that’s definitely coming from Quynh.

Yusuf just snorts into his neck, but responds by walking forward as Nicky goes back, and as soon as he’s inside, he’s closing the door behind him. Nicky pulls away long enough to drop the ice pack, and then he’s pressing his hands against Yusuf’s chest, pinning him gently against the door.

Nicky smiles as the man shivers under his touch, and before he slides his gaze from his own hands, to Yusuf’s chest, to Yusuf’s lips. He lets it linger there until he sees them part with a soft whining sound, and then he’s capturing his lips with his, deeply, breathing him in. 

“Thank you,” he whispers against his lips after a moment, and Yusuf laughs, breathless, bottom lip worried red from Nicky’s bites, and he’s proud to say that the man looks a little melted against the door, his body pliant under his hands.

Did he really want to leave his bedroom?

“You’re most welcome, Nicolò,” he hears, and Nicky looks up, not even realizing that he’s been staring at Yusuf’s lips again, as the man bites his bottom lip between his teeth. “But we should join the others for dinner,” he says.

And Nicky pouts. Yusuf responds by pushing off the door and wrapping his arms around him gently.

“But I promise you can keep saying thank you to me later,” he whispers, voice soft, and Nicky smiles, squeezing him back.

He definitely will.

***

“Tell me you feel better, dummy,” Quynh says as she lays her head on Nicky’s lap as soon as he sits on the couch, the lower half of her body sprawled over Andy’s.

She shifted to make room for Nicky on the couch by immediately going on the other woman’s life, and Andy just lets her, keeping an arm around her legs, securing her from falling off.

“Babe, careful,” Andy mutters, smiling a little, her free hand reaching for a sweet that was on a plate beside her, such is Andy, and her sweets.

And her Quynh.

“I feel better,” Nicky says, leaning down to kiss Quynh’s cheek, and then her forehead, and she responds by grinning and sitting up smoothly, settling into Andy’s lap.

“Good! Dr Handsome Stranger Danger helped!” she says with a giggle, and Nicky looks up at the sound of Lykon cackling as he enters from the kitchen trays of food in hand, just as he feels his own cheeks flush red, looking away shyly from Yusuf as he comes out of the kitchen as well, grinning.

“You didn’t have to tell everyone, Lykon,” he says with a pout, and Lykon snorts.

“Oh I didn’t,” he says, setting his trays down before settling across the table, Yusuf right behind him, still grinning, his eyes shining.

No way. Nicky’s eyes widen, and Yusuf laughs then, walking over and kissing him on the lips, before pulling away to settle beside Lykon.

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” Yusuf says simply, and Nicky just glares, kind of, and he’s definitely _not smiling_. But then Lykon grins from beside his brother, and Nicky knows he’s failing.

“Being a little shit runs in the family, I guess,” he says instead, and Quynh is laughing loudly beside him, and Nicky turns just in time to see Andy grinning, wiggling her eyebrows, her arm firmly around Quynh’s waist now.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Nicky,” she says, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder. “And you got good students. We made sure they all got home safe,” she starts, and that’s when Nicky realizes, eyes widening.

Oh fuck, _his students_.

“Oh no,” he starts, feeling dread settle into his chest immediately, and Yusuf’s standing at the corner of his eye, but Andy’s hold doesn’t relent, and she’s shaking her head.

“They’re _alright_ , Nicky,” Andy says, and Quynh’s nodding beside her, already reaching over to him, and moving to hug him, and he finds himself leaning into it, eyes still on Andy. “Quynh and I walked everyone to their dorms if they lived on campus, and drove the rest of them home, while Lykon got you and Yusuf.”

Nicky blinks, feeling Quynh nodding against his chest, and he looks at Yusuf and Lykon, who just gives him gentle smiles.

“When you log in on Monday, you should have an email from all of them. They promised that they would,” Lykon adds, and Nicky nods weakly, taking in a deep breath, looking down. He can’t believe he forgot about them.

“We took care of it, Nicky,” Andy continues, squeezing his shoulder again, and then she’s moving closer, wrapping an arm around him now, effortlessly lifting Quynh between them so she’s settled on both of their laps as she continues to hug Nicky. “All I hear from Lykon and Quynh is how much you take care of them. So, it’s our turn to take care of you.”

Nicky’s breath hitches at the words, and he lets out a laugh that sounds more like a gasp, and his eyes feel wet with tears. He feels Quynh squeezing him gently, and she’s looking up at him.

“You’re okay, Nicky,” she whispers, and Nicky sniffles, glancing at Yusuf when he moves, then, squeezing his knee wih a smile. He doesn’t say anything, and neither does Lykon, the two of them just smiling as Andy and Quynh hold him close.

He feels a gentle kiss atop his head, and looks to find Andy pulling away, smiling softly at him. “I promised you we’ll figure it out, didn’t I?” she says, and Nicky nods shakily, remembering his first meeting with her, and how a part of him had implicitly trusted, despite everything. It wasn’t even clear to him at the time what was _there_ to figure out, but he needed to hear it.

Just like he needed it now. Like he needed his family, all of them, right now, whether he knew it or not. For his eyes are misty and his throat feels clogged with tears, but he nods, and doesn’t let them fall. He feels comfort in Quynh’s weight on him, of Yusuf’s thumb now rubbing a gentle circle over his knee, Lykon’s eyes meeting his gaze for a second, nodding with a small smile.

“Always,” Nicky mutters after a moment, looking at Andy again and she grins, clearly remembering their conversation as well, as she leans in and presses another kiss on his forehead, her words against his skin.

“That’s right Nicky. We got it done. We’ll take care of you, too.”

His eyes close for a moment, and Nicky can’t help but think, if love and family had was a feeling, this is what it would feel like.


End file.
